Double Reflection
by Ugawa
Summary: ."No, Gaara, look at the tracks in your arms. you're not still you at all." Naruto turned, knowing the weight of his words. "And to be honest, I don't think I even want you anymore." Living in the slums of London, Gaara knows how hard surviving can be..
1. In life there's no going back

Living in the slums of London, Gaara knows how hard surviving can be, but when he discovers selling his body makes good money, his life becomes a downward spiral of self-destructive behaviour. Naruto is his only hope of salvation, but eventually watching his friend rot away becomes too much, even for him.

**New fic.**

**Not much to say apart from the fact I'll probably finish this before I carry on with any of my other fics. This will probably be 10 - 15 chapters long. Maybe more; maybe less.**

**Set in London.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

_**WARNING:WARNING**_

**This fic is about prostitution and the emotional and physical toll it takes on people. This fic was not created with the sole purpose of having lots of ungracious, unnecessary sex, so if that's what you were hoping for, then you're probably better looking elsewhere. This is an edgy topic and not suitable for everyone, but for those of you who stay with me until the end, I promise you an ending that can be perceived as a happy one.**

* * *

In life there's no going back

* * *

"In life there's no going back," that's what Mum used to say before the accident. Before the morning I opened the door to men in uniform, holding flat hats and asking to speak to 'daddy' with over-practiced sadness showing on their faces.

The road lays straight ahead, you can't turn along the track to seek out what has passed. You can't undo mistakes - even wishing to do so is in vain. But in between all this, don't forget that you can always try again.

She hadn't lived long enough to explain how hard trying again sometimes can be. And maybe if she'd still been around none of this mess would've happened. It's funny, really, how differently I'd pictured my life. I wanted to be a fireman when I was younger - the blinding red always caught my attention as the engines zoomed by. I still remember clutching that toy fire truck to my chest as the uniformed men strolled past me to meet with my father in the kitchen. Even at five I could sense something was wrong with the situation.

Even then, with shinny tears forming in the rims of my eyes, I knew mummy wasn't coming home.

* * *

"_Ga-" _

"_-ara"_

I'd like to say this was the beginning of some erotic dream where the love of my life leaned above me as I lay in the sand on the stony beach of Clacton. I could almost hear the screams and laughs of the kids on the pier, the bumping cars of the dodgems. That reminded me, I hadn't been to the beach in almost a year, but last time I ventured to the great sandpit, I'd been pinched by some bloody crab (which I swore was on steroids), and stung by a jelly-fish which, by rights, shouldn't have even been in the sea around Clacton since the coast is WAY too cold, even in summer.

"_Gaara"_

Naruto's fault. Throwing me into the freezing water, while chanting that it was the only way to get over my 'fear' of all things cold, didn't go as he'd planned. We went home early that day. Bunked the train back to London and legged it through the gates, hopping over the security barriers to escape the ticket men trying to bust us. I couldn't afford a thousand pound fine for being stupid and not paying the fifteen quid for a return ticket. The smart thing to do would've been to spend on transport for the day and not fork out my last fiver for a pouch of Golden V. Only being sixteen, I couldn't buy it myself, so Naruto - always being the older looking one of the two of us - would waltz in, shoulders back while looking like a confident eighteen-year-old, and purchase it no problem.

"_Gaara"_

I missed summer.

_Slam._

Shakespeare's biography landed inches from my nose and my head shot from the desk to meet our English teacher's eyes. There was only one thing to do when falling asleep in class - grin sheepishly and hope whatever teacher stood in front of you had had a good day and wasn't on the warpath for student blood.

He didn't look impressed. My grin faltered and I cleared my throat while straightening myself in the uncomfortable, plastic chair.

"Sorry to disturb your afternoon nap, Mr. Sabaku, but your snoring is disrupting my class." Mr. Kabuto touched the side of his glasses, lifting them to peer at me. "Perhaps you'd like to read out your work?" No question - a demand.

He could see my book was blank. I hadn't gotten further than jotting down the date before deciding to close my eyes for a few seconds. I stole a quick glimpse at the clock above the whiteboard. 3:00. I'd managed to sleep the whole lesson away, not a bad achievement, but I resisted the urge to pat myself on the back.

Mr. Kabuto turned to move back to the front of the room, just in time for the bell to free us from school. Collecting my things and rushing to the door before a detention fogged my future was top priority, but then again, it being Friday, I doubted he'd want to suffer the company of a sleepy student for longer than necessary.

Good thing I was right for once.

I slowed my pace once in the crowded corridor and stopped to wait for blondie-locks and the three chest hairs (which he was overly proud of). I myself couldn't see the fascination and didn't understand why he almost cried when I plucked one with a pair of tweezers when he wasn't paying attention.

"You were really going for it today," Naruto said when he caught up. "Thought you'd swallowed a pig."

I was sensitive about my nasal problem. I couldn't help it. "At least I don't dribble like an old man." I really had to work on my comebacks, but my usual 'fuck you' was getting old. I needed new material.

"Don't hate me 'cause I'm perfect, mate."

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The security gates flashed red as a student ahead of us passed through, and the two police officers at the exit doors pulled the kid to the side to pat him down for weapons. Aw, beautiful London, a place of hopes, dreams, and police at every school. The crime rate in the area was down by two percent this year, which was pretty good considering that three students had been rushed to hospital with stab wounds this term. And an astounding record of no guns found on the premises for almost five years made our school the safest around. Pretty laughable, really.

"You coming tonight?" Naruto asked as he unzipped his bag for the police to check and placed his metal rings on the tray to be passed safely. He walked through the barrier and the light above remained blue.

I did the same and managed to leave the building unsearched. I no longer wore my cross necklace to school anymore, it was metal, and forgetting to take it off always resulted in an embarrassing pat down. After the tenth time of getting pulled to the side, I decided wearing it just wasn't worth it.

I shook my head while digging through my bag. "I told you earlier that I'm working tonight."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot you'd rather be scrubbing down houses than be out getting smashed with everyone else."

I pulled the green packet out my bag and folded over a rizla to begin making a rollie. "I can't cancel, he's my dad's workmate." I sparked and took a toke. "Besides, I need the money if I want to go on the trip to Paris at the end of the year." I shoved him, knowing what he was about to say. "And I'm not taking your money, either. I can pay for myself. I owe you almost a hundred already."

"I've told you before that I don't care. My granddad transfers five-hundred into my account each month, why can't you just smile and take it like any other normal person would?"

"Because that money is supposed to go toward educational purposes and saving up for university."

"Ever heard of a student loan?" He nicked the rollie from between my fingers just as I was about to take another toke. "Besides," he said, blowing out smoke. "If I get into the university of London, I'll live at home, meaning the cost won't be as high." He held the white stick out.

"Finish it, I don't want your germs."

"Why not, I don't mind your indirect kisses." He puckered his lips and _actually _had the audacity to look bewildered when I swung at his face. He laughed and shrugged the attempted assault off. "Whatever. Keep your mobile on this weekend, would ya? Do you know how annoying it is having to walk a mile to your house just to see if your coming out?"

"Fine."

"Catch you later."

"Later."

Naruto and I lived in completely different parts of London. His mansion-like house was closer to the centre, meaning clean streets, low crime rates and a decent social network. Whereas I was stuck in the slums. A three bedroom flat above a fish-n-chip shop. I couldn't even go out at night without risking my life. I didn't think getting shot or stabbed by a mugger was a great way to go, so I genuinely stayed in after dark.

"Hello?" I didn't know why I bothered calling out. Kankurou was usually out getting stoned with his timewaster friends and Temari and Dad were always at work until five. I dumped my bag underneath the coat rack and kicked my shoes and socks off to walk barefooted across the old, worn carpet. Loosening my school tie and unbuttoning my shirt was the highlight of most days. Pretty sad, really. I rarely had money, and I always felt uncomfortable around Naruto's friends, so I didn't tend to go out much. Don't get me wrong, his mates were okay, but I didn't really fit into their rich-kid culture and couldn't join in with most of their conversations.

I sat in front of the small TV set after banging it a few times to get it working. The smell of greasy chips floated through the closed windows, making my belly rumble. Mr. Iruka, the owner, usually gave me a free bag when he saw me, but if I carried on eating that grease-infested food, I'd be twenty-stone by the time I left home. So I resorted to a ham and cheese sandwich to fill my aching gut before getting changed from my uniform to an old pair of jeans with holes in the knees and a T-shirt.

Baki was always pissed if I took too long getting ready when he arrived to pick me up, so I made sure to be out the door as soon as he honked his horn. By the time he arrived, dropping my dad off at the same time, it was half-five and the sun was beginning to set. The days had been getting shorter since winter was on its way.

"Don't be back too late," Dad said as he passed without a second look. He always went to bed after getting home from work. No, that's a lie. He always went to bed after getting home and having a couple of beers to numb the depression of working a twelve-hour shift, living in a dirty, smelly flat and losing his wife. He hadn't been the same since Mum passed, but at least he hadn't left us to fend for ourselves like so many parents did. Overall he was doing the best he could. But isn't that what all of us do? Just keep ploughing through, hoping that one day a miracle will happen and we'll all be happy again?

I slammed the door to Baki's car behind me and suffered the painfully silent drive that always occurred Friday evenings. The tanned man lived alone. Never married and never had any children, so like many others, he just managed to keep his head above water and not drown in the deep end of giving up.

He was a nice man, never really spoke much, and paid me to keep his apartment clean. He rubbed at the purple bags under his eyes when he parked up outside a block of council apartments. He handed me a set of keys. "Go get started, I'll be back in a few hours."

I peered down at the keys. "Uh… Sure."

I wasn't going to complain. Having someone scrutinize your every move when you're trying clean can be very distracting. Usually he'd sit in the same room, watching me work, obviously making sure I wasn't trying my hand at stealing any of his possessions - not that he had much to steal.

I watched his ford escort turn the corner before climbing the three floors of stairs. I dropped my eyes to the floor when passing a group of older teens in hoodies, they were dealing, and I didn't want any trouble. Even making eye contact could've left me being held up against a wall, being threatened to keep my mouth shut. Not looking was a silent agreement - I saw nothing.

Baki's apartment was in the same state as every Friday. Pizza boxes lay around, unfinished food rotting on the surfaces, clothes strewn around the place. I shook my head. When I got my own place, I'd never leave it in this condition, whether I lived alone or not.

I made myself useful. Perhaps if I finished before he came home, I'd even get a tip. Twenty quid for cleaning this mess was definitely slave labour, but it's not like I had any better offers. I slipped thick gloves on and got to work on the surfaces, scrubbing dried stains and spraying disinfectant before pulling out a black bin bag to throw rubbish away.

After two hours, I perched myself on the arm of his sofa to wipe my brow. I hadn't even noticed the sweat piling on my skin. I pulled a cigarette out a packet I found under a pizza box and flipped open my mobile. A text from Naruto.

THINK YOU'LL BE FINISHED IN TIME TO COME TO THE PARTY LATER? PEOPLE ARE ASKING AFTER YOU.

I knew the last part was a lie, but his effort made me smile. I'd almost finished my manual labour for the week, but I didn't fancy hanging around with a bunch of drunk teens. I wasn't some snob, far from it, but I was tired, and bed was the only place I'd be going when Baki came back to drop me home.

Thinking of which, where was he?

I switched his radio on in the kitchen and went back to scrubbing at a disobedient stain on the floor between his oven and cupboard. I sprayed some bleach and jumped when a set of keys landed on the work surface behind me. I twisted my head and saw Baki pulling his jacket off.

"Almost finished," I said.

He pulled up a chair at the table. "That's okay, take your time." Yeah, like I wanted to be here longer than necessary. I was killing myself for a twenty. No thank you, I'd finish as soon as possible. "Have you been smoking in here?"

Busted.

I moved to sit against the cupboard and grinned sheepishly. I seemed to do that a lot when getting in trouble. It worked sometimes.

"Here." He dug through his pocket and chucked me a pre-rolled rollie twisted at the end.

I caught it. "Thanks." And sparked it, trying to ignore his eyes. He Didn't even blink as he watched me. I cleared my throat. "There's a few bags outside," I said, trying to think of something to say so I didn't have to sit in silence.

"I saw." Of course he did. Stupid.

I stared at the stick between my fingers. This wasn't just tobacco. I cleared my throat again before kneeling on the floor to pass it back. "Thanks, but I don't smoke weed."

He shrugged. "That's unusual." I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He wasn't drunk, but he'd obviously had a few beers. "A boy of your age not taking drugs, I mean," he said, confusing my scrunched nose for ignorance. "That's good. This stuff can screw you up if you get hooked. Just look at the other teenagers living in this place." He laughed. "They're not the most educated of people. You get good grades?"

The sweet smell filled the kitchen as the smoke drifted around the light bulb in the ceiling. I watched it twirl and dance in the light. "I do okay."

He nodded. "I should get you back."

I wanted to ask if he was good to drive, but I didn't want to walk home alone in the dark. So I just agreed and followed him out the apartment block and to his car. The blue escort was in its usual place, but anyone from a mile away could see it hadn't been parked by a sober person. The wheels were well over the lines, making me wonder if walking home wasn't such a bad idea.

But I got in and strapped on the belt. Baki started the engine, and I stared out the side window at passing streetlamps. The lights lit the car momentarily before plunging it back into darkness. We swerved slightly. Baki's brow glistened in the dim light and he cleared his throat before lifting his foot off the peddle somewhat to slow us down.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He turned the wheel right. Home was left. "You've taken the wrong turn." Maybe he'd had more to drink than I'd thought. He couldn't even remember where he was going. "Baki?" When he didn't reply, interior alarm bells rang, but I tried to ignore them. He was just concentrating too hard on the road, that was all. "Baki?" Perhaps he knew a shortcut. "You were supposed to go left back there." I twisted in my seat to look out the back window. The heat in the car had steamed it up.

"We're just going to stop here for a minute." His voice in the calm startled me, but I laughed it off nervously.

"What's wrong?"

"I just need to check the wheels." He left the car.

I peered at the boarded up windows in the apartment in front and rubbed at my arms. Goose-pimples were forming, but I knew it wasn't from the chilly air blowing in from the open door. This place gave me the creeps. I kept expecting someone to jump in and steal the car with me in it while Baki was outside.

"Hey, is… everything okay out there?" I called before licking my lips.

He kicked the back wheel before getting in. The goose-pimples were still there, even with the door firmly shut. He placed his hands on the wheel, curling his fingers around the black, rubbery material.

I was not getting crept out. "We good to go?" Naruto would laugh his arse off when I told him about this tomorrow. "You're such a paranoid wuss," he'd say.

"Baki?" I had to reconsider working for this guy, he was a nut.

When his hand moved, I thought he was going for the clutch, but it went farther. Passed the clutch and gear stick. "Wah-" He moved his hand off my knee when I made a noise, but instead he lifted a leaver on the side of my chair, making the backrest fall, bringing me with it.

It crashed against the seat behind. My head slammed against the headrest. He was atop me.

"The fuck- Get off!" I pushed his chest, but even if I were strong enough to take on the grown man, he had the glove compartment keeping him stable.

He wasn't going anywhere… neither was I.

Fingers pinched at my skin and lips nibbled on my neck. Hands circled my wrists, pinning my arms against my chest. I kicked my legs in the small room available. "I-I'll scream!" Not manly, but neither was having a dude molesting you.

My heart thumped against my pinned arms. And as quickly as it started, it stopped.

The older man was back in his own seat, head on the steering wheel. I caught my breath and leaned up.

Why wasn't I running? Why the fuck hadn't I opened the door and got out quick enough to collapsed on the floor from the effort?

I didn't know. He just looked so pitiful. And I was still shaken up. I didn't even think I knew how to get home from here.

The silence must've lasted ten seconds, but it felt like an hour.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

What had he expected me to say to that? 'Yeah, that's fine. But could you try not to do it again?' There was nothing I could say, so I didn't say anything. Just sat, trying to figure out what'd happened.

"I'll take you home."

I still couldn't speak, so just nodded and pulled the leaver on the chair to bring the backrest up. I didn't look at him again until we were parked outside my home. The lights were on in the living room.

He'd gotten off so quickly when I'd threatened to scream… maybe he didn't think it was forced? Was I giving him the wrong signals? Did I do something to make him think I wanted it, too?

I must've done.

It was my own fault.

Baki reached for his pocket, but he stopped when he saw me flinch. "I'm just getting the money," he practically whispered. I nodded and sat still as he pulled out his wallet. "Here." He handed me a few notes, and I took it without counting. I just wanted to get out.

I unlocked the side door leading up to the apartment without looking back.

Temari was alone in the living room when I entered. "How was work?" she asked, not moving her eyes from the TV set. Which was a good thing, she would've noticed something was wrong otherwise… she usually did.

"Fine." She didn't hear my shaky voice with the one word, and I left before she could look at me. I flicked the switch in my room and leaned my back against the door. I was safe in here.

What an afternoon. Cleaned for two hours and had Baki try it on with me, and for what? Twenty measly quid. I uncurled my fingers from the notes.

There had to be a mistake.

I'd thought they were fives. I flicked through them, counting faster as the amount raised with each note.

Two-hundred quid.

I felt my jaw drop. I'd never even seen this much money before. I counted it three more times to make sure my mind wasn't still spazzing out from earlier. Definitely two-hundred.

I shook my head, chuckling softly. No fucking way! Two-hundred quid.

But why?

* * *

**And I believe I shall leave it there.**

**R&R**


	2. All control is damage control

All Control is damage Control

* * *

When I was younger, 'Mummy' took me to a place where men flew through ceilings on poles and drove big, red trucks. We were visiting with other children from the nursery, but no one else got to wear the big, yellow hat. The fireman showing us around placed it over my head and patted it down - everything went dark until I lifted it slightly to see. 'Mummy' bought me a little fire engine, and we even got to sit in a real one. Adrenaline rushed through my tiny body as I kicked my legs over the seat while staring out the window. It was new and exciting.

I felt the same sort of rush now. Half walking, half running to Naruto's house on this autumn Saturday morning. No trees in the city with leaves turning brown, just the stampede of men in suits chatting on mobiles while rushing to work. I'd been to his house many times before, but I never failed to feel intimidated by the clean buildings and offices so tall they blocked the sun. I didn't belong in this area. I didn't have the latest designer gear or practiced snobbery that came with the territory.

I climbed the few steps to Naruto's freshly polished front door, and just before I buzzed, the lock clicked from inside and an older version of my blond friend greeted me.

"Good morning, Gaara." Naruto's father, Mr Namikaze, hopped down the steps, trying to slip into his black Russian Calf shoes. His briefcase tucked under his arm as he held a piece of half eaten toast.

"Minato, are you even listening to me?" Kushina, Naruto's red-headed mother, screamed from within the house. "Get back here this instant."

"Gotta go." Minato took off down the street, clutching his suitcase, just in time to miss his wife at the door.

Kushina sighed. "That bloody man. All I wanted to know was whether he would be home for tea." She sidestepped to let me in. "When you get married, Gaara, respect your wife enough to let her know what time you're coming home from work." She picked up a few jackets that Minato must've knocked over in his rush out the door. "The great lump is still in bed. He didn't get home until the early hours… I don't know," she mumbled, heading for the kitchen. "The men in this house are impossible."

Unlike my house, Naruto's had a second floor. I passed the large family photo at the top of the stairs. A fourteen-year-old boy sat between his parents. It was… nice. Sentimental. The most sentimental thing in my house was the cross necklace I inherited when Mum passed, but that could be subjective.

I didn't knock, there'd be no point, Naruto could sleep through World War Three.

And there he was, spread out with sheets twisting around his naked chest. He looked peaceful now, but that was about to change, depending on how much he'd drank the night before. I kicked my shoes off and sat at the edge of his queen-sized bed. The thing was almost as big as my room alone. I crawled over the mattress to reach his body and shake his arm. The two limbs had tripled in size since we first met at twelve.

He swiped a hand in my direction, rolling onto his back and twitching his nose. He scratched at his abs and fell still.

"Oi, Naruto." I shoved his arm, but only accomplished shaking his body slightly. "Wake up." I slapped his cheek a few times. Not hard, but hard enough to get a response. He groaned when I stretched the skin. "Narut-oaw." He grabbed my arm and pulled, flipping me over his body until I was beneath him. The thumping pulse from the night before came back, making my chest tremble and eyes grow.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, tilting his head.

I swallowed, shoved his shoulder until he sat up and kicked him off the edge of the bed. "You stink of beer."

His head popped up. "Well, good morning to you, too." He grunted. "Remind me to come to your room and kick you outa bed next time." He flopped back on his duvet and lifted the alarm beside his pillow. "What're you doing here this early, anyway?"

"You don't have a hangover?"

"I'm too young to get hangovers."

"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever… what're you doing later?"

He leaned his elbow on the pillow and head in his hand as he twisted his finger in his bellybutton. "I'm going shopping with Sasuke and Shikamaru."

"Can I come?"

He stopped twisting his finger. "Sure, you could come, but I think we're going to Oxford Street. I'd have asked you but you always say that 'Oxford Street is full of pompous buffoons trying to gain popularity by spending stupid amounts of money'."

I snorted. "I've never said that."

"You just said it last week." _That was before I had the chance to be one_.

"Yeah? Well… You need to stop living in the past."

"Whatever, mate." He sat up, stretching, and slid from the bed to find a towel. He pulled out his favourite, fluffy orange one with a ninja frog on the front, and placed it around his shoulders. "You need some money?"

"I have money." That felt good to say. "I've been saving for some new clothes," I said when he raised a brow.

He stepped into his en-suite. "Wanna come scrub my back?"

"Pass." Naruto's bed was so comfortable, I couldn't resist stretching out and laying in the middle while Blondie-locks scrubbed his teeth.

"There's room in here for two," he called with the toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Not with your fat arse there isn't."

I heard him spit and rinse his mouth before his head popped around the doorframe. "I'm sure you could squeeze in. We'd just have to be close."

"Hurry up and take a shower." I sniffed the air. "Actually, take your time. I'll be downstairs."

The sweet smell of pancakes strengthened as I left Naruto's room. His mum was cooking breakfast. I loved Kushina's cooking, although, anything was better than ham and cheese sandwiches or chips every day. But nothing could beat pancakes in the morning. If I was lucky, I might be able to eat Naruto's breakfast before he finished showering. I'd sneak in the kitchen, flatter his mum with compliments until she realizes I'd be a better son than Naruto and give me his pancakes. I grinned. It was genius.

The table was set and Kushina was washing plates when I entered the kitchen.

"Is he up yet?" she asked.

"Just taking a shower." I licked my lips, contemplating my next move. How to compliment a woman without being overly corny or creepy? Hmm… compliments weren't my strong point. I'd once compared some girl I was dating to the stars… only problem was, minutes beforehand I'd said the stars looked dim that night. I was left with a bruised cheek and no girlfriend. Naruto thought it was hilarious. Okay, I had a better idea. "I'll do those for you, Mrs N."

She peered over her shoulder at me. "My, thank you, Gaara." She wiped her hands on some kitchen roll. "I wish my son was more like you." Gaara one, Naruto nil.

I watched her leave the room, quickly scrubbed at the plates and ploinked myself at the kitchen table with knife and fork in hand. Smelled delicious, and it even had honey dripping over the fluffy surface.

Inner Gaara chuckled as I rubbed the eating utensils together before cutting into the pancakey goodness. I could've cried when I tasted the breakfast. I had to remember to sleep over at Naruto's more often, or teach my sister how to cook. Seriously, that woman could burn water. I'm pretty sure she did once.

Why did I suddenly feel a tingle run my spine? I shrugged and popped another piece into my mouth.

"Is that my breakfast?"

I turned slowly, and guess what I did when I saw Naruto standing with a towel around his waist and water dripping down his body. I grinned sheepishly.

* * *

I saved enough money for the taxi home, but while sitting in the café with a chocolate shake and bags of clothes, I began to think perhaps I should've put a bit more away. You know, for a rainy day or something. It wasn't as if I had a mass amount of income flying my way or wealthy parents to sponge off.

I sucked the plastic straw dipping into rich chocolate as Naruto and Sasuke argued across the table about who the waitress had been eyeing up. Personally I thought she was staring at Naruto's chocolate cake, but who wouldn't? That thing was the size of a human head and probably contained a normal person's weekly calories.

"You better watch it, moron, I get my shotgun licence next year," Sasuke announce when Naruto had decided to flick a spoonful of cake in his direction. Oh, yes, the Uchihas were known for their involvement in FBI matters. They weren't part of the organisation itself, which made me think there was something more secretive about the family than they led on. Naruto would often question about it, coming up with absurd conclusions such as they were a family of assassins who the government hired for their services.

"I'm shaking in my boots, bastard. I bet you couldn't hit me even if you tried."

"That's one bet I'd gladly take."

I watched the show silently, eyes moving side to side as the onslaught of insults flew across the table, hitting imaginary targets . "Are they usually like this?" I asked quietly, hoping not to draw attention and open myself to fire.

Shikamaru scratched his temples. "This is nothing." He lifted a forkful of salad to his mouth. "Last week we were thrown out a shop. They'd gotten into a fight over who'd seen a leather jacket first and ending up knocking over three mannequins and a shelf." He sighed. "Troublesome."

The strange urge to smile hit me then. It wasn't as if I'd never spoken to the two other occupants of the table before, I just had nothing in common with them. It was easy for Naruto, he was one of them. A kid with money who could opt to go shopping or out for the day on a whim and not have to worry about the expense. I'd always had some biased impression that all rich-kids were spoilt, snotty brats - Naruto being the exception. But Sasuke and Shikamaru were just like everyone else I knew. The afternoon was spent laughing at disastrous outfits and chatting about school. The highlight had been when Naruto had gone into the changing room and came out wearing some purple suit with yellow strips and a feather bower and orange sunglasses, looking like the stereotypical figure of some famous artist on a day trip to London.

"So, Gaara," Sasuke said after a staring match with Naruto. I'd sworn I could see electricity bouncing off their eyes. "We're going to my parents' cabin in two weeks with a couple other people. You in?"

They'd accepted me. "Sure." My stomach fluttered. Since beginning senior school at twelve, Naruto had been the only other person I'd considered a friend. Yeah, I had acquaintances, but this could be a chance to really acquire a close knit group that I'd always been so envious of other people for having.

Since Mum died, Dad became clinically depressed and Kankurou became an addict, I'd closed myself off from people. You can't be neglected or let down when there's no one around to do it, or at least that's what I thought when I was younger. Now I just wanted to have friends, I wanted to be accepted by someone other than my sister and blond friend. It was almost an addiction. One that was soon to become dangerous. The need to belong and be loved.

When I got home that evening, I realized how stupid I'd been to agree on a trip to the cinema that Monday. I didn't want to say no for two reasons. One - I didn't want them to think I was blowing them out. Two - I didn't want Naruto to pick up on the fact I had no money left and offer to pay for me. That always made my blood run cold, it made me feel inadequate in his eyes.

With my new jeans and shirts safely tucked away in my close-to-empty wardrobe alongside my uniform, I walked through the hall with old, nineties' paper plastering the walls. Dad was in bed, and so the house was empty apart from me and Kankurou, who was sitting on the couch, popping a toot. He laid back lethargically, head tilting back to blow the long, thick line of smoke out. He offered it to me like he did on so many occasions. And just like all those occasions, I declined with a raised hand and shaking head.

"Where've you been?" he asked slowly in his drug induced state. It was sad, really. My older brother, the once A grade student with a bright future, only held back by socializing with the wrong crowd. I guess I was lucky, in a way, to have become addicted to Naruto's friendship rather than the shit Kankurou contaminated his body with. Because I was. You know, addicted to him in a strange, non-sexual way. His attitude was annoyingly contagious and greatly appreciated at the same time.

"Out," I said. "Shopping."

"Shopping, eh?" He yawned. "With what money?"

"The money I earn from my job. You remember that word, right? Job."

He laughed. It wasn't the 'you've said something funny' laugh. It was his 'I'm stoned out my nut and I've hit the stage I'd find a hairbrush hysterically funny' laugh. That's not even an exaggeration. He once spent a whole hour staring at a hairbrush and laughing at its bristles.

I guess it was his way of numbing the pain. Dad drank. Temari worked herself to the point she'd be too exhausted to care about anything. And I… actually, I didn't know what I did - I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary. Just boring old Gaara. Redheaded un-extraordinary.

"I have a job," Kankurou said eventually when he'd finished finding absolutely nothing hysterically funny.

"A proper job. Not one that's going to get you killed or arrested." Dealing cocaine, even if he didn't do that shit himself (yet), was not a great credential to put on a CV. Neither was bumming around getting stone by himself, at that matter.

"Get off my case, you're as bad as Temari, and a hypocrite." He leaned forward to start rolling a joint on the living-room's small, wooden table.

"What's that supposed to mean?" When he snorted and didn't answer, I swiped the clear packet containing grinded leaves.

"Oi."

"I said, what the hell did you mean by that?" I pulled the packet farther out his reach when he grabbed at it.

"Fine, just give it back." I looked at him cautiously, deciphering whether or not this was a bluff. In the end curiosity won out, and I handed it back. He dipped his fingers in and sprinkled the green substance into his rollie. He folded it and licked the sticky end. "I owe you a tenner, by the way."

"What?"

_Che. Che. _He peeked at me while sparking up. "You had two-hundred in your wallet this morning. Don't try to tell me you earned that by cleaning. You had nothing in there the day before." How often did he go through my bloody wallet? "I sense dodgy dealings afoot, my little brother."

"I'm not like you," I said. "I found it." I wasn't too sure why I lied. I could've just said Baki had given it to me - which he had. Perhaps even then, while trying to stay ignorant to the whole situation, I knew there was a real reason why he had that money ready for me. No sane person would hand a sixteen-year-old two big ones for just cleaning a house.

"Whatever. You don't have to tell me how you got it. Just don't get caught if it's illegal."

"I'm not stupid. I wouldn't do anything illegal just for money. It's not worth it."

Kankurou sighed. "That's what I thought once upon a time. It starts out as 'just this once', but the money is too good. It draws you in."

I did need the money. "Whatever." I stood to leave him alone with his addiction. "Just make sure I get my tenner back, or I'll break your toot." That should've been enough ammunition to scare him.

My room felt stuffy. I opened the window and leaned out to get some fresh air and have a smoke. The cars below passed on the road, sweeping up discarded litter in the wind of their speed. The money would be useful, I thought as I breathed out. And I wasn't a complete idiot, I knew exactly why he'd had that money ready, and I understood now why he'd been so nervous and edgy. I didn't have any strong objections with homosexual sex. I just didn't think it was something I'd ever consider doing. Maybe one day, while in university, I might've decided to experiment, but relationships were never at the top of my priority list, so I genuinely didn't think about which gender I found more sexually appealing.

I flicked the butt, and before the orange stub and flickering ember had hit the floor, I'd made my mind up.

* * *

**And I shall leave it there.**


	3. Protect me from what I want

**Protect me from what I want.**

* * *

It was easy to obtain his number. Dad often left his work phone atop the TV. The hard part was calling. I repeatedly told myself I just wanted to know what had happened yesterday in his car, but the logical side wouldn't believe that lie. Saliva slid my throat, squashing the butterflies fluttering around the trapeze artists who were using my gut as a trampoline. I brought my knees up to my chest as I leaned against the wall in my bedroom, and after thirty minutes and three cigarettes, a shaky finger pressed the 'call button'.

He picked up almost instantly, and I screwed my face up with nerves.

"Hello?" the older man's voice spoke in my ear. I didn't reply. My mouth was hanging open, but I couldn't even squeak out a sound. What was I supposed to say? The pulsing in my temples gave me a headache. "Hello?"

Snap out of it, I thought, rubbing at my light eyebrows. If he hung up, I knew I wouldn't have the confidence to call again. "Hey." I didn't mean for it to come out in such a whisper, but my throat was clenching.

"Who's this?" he sounded irritated, almost as if he believed it to be a prank call.

"It's… Gaara," I said, trying not to let the mobile slide through my sweaty palms.

"Oh, I…"

Great conversation so far. But to be honest, it was going better than I thought. I closed my eyes. "Do you need your house cleaned?" What was that, some kind of metaphor? I didn't know, all I knew was that I had to pee all of a sudden.

He didn't speak at first, but I could hear him breathing down the receiver, so I knew he was still there. "You only cleaned it yesterday," he said eventually. Was this his way of touching the waters, trying to figure out what I meant?

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I know."

Again there was a pause, and I fiddled with my big toe. "About yesterday…"

"I know."

"You know?"

I took a deep breath. "I know what you wanted." Invisible hands ran my spine.

"I see… how much?"

How much? Could I try my luck and ask for more? I stared at the swirls in my ceiling. I was sixteen. Buying sex from anyone under the age of eighteen in England was a prisonable offence. I could charge what I wanted. But what could he afford? He lived alone in a one bedroom apartment, if he made the same as my father then he'd probably have quite a bit of cash left over each month. "Three-hundred for an hour," I said.

"Two-fifty since I gave you two-hundred yesterday." That seemed fair enough.

"Okay. Two-fifty." I suddenly felt very cold. I must've left my window open.

The phone call ended with Baki saying he'd pick me up, so I knew I had a twenty minute wait. I spent that time pacing my room, brushing my teeth and washing. I stared at my reflection in the half-cracked bathroom mirror. Dad had slipped over while drunk and smashed it with his forehead one night when I was nine. Being the only other person in the house at the time, I ran from my room after hearing the crash and shattering glass. And there was 'Daddy dearest', laying in a puddle of blood with half the mirror smashed around him. When you're nine, the first thing you do in that situation is scream and cry and think that 'Daddy's' dead. I called an ambulance. After they'd calmed me down enough to tell them where I lived, we were both taken to hospital. Social services took me away for a few weeks after that and placed me in a home with ten other children. I then got the great pleasure of living with an uncle for a month who loved children. He looked like 'Mummy', and for that month, I was naively happy.

I touched the pale skin on my face before sweeping my finger across the old jagged edge on the mirror. We really had to replace it. Perhaps I'd do it myself, it was better than having memories fogging my mind every time I looked at myself in it. No longer the tiny, baby-faced child who had to stand on the edge of the bath to peer at his reflection. Where had all the years gone?

I sat on my windowsill, waiting for the blue escort to appear. My forehead leaned against the glass as I moved my finger across the cobwebs in the corner. It wasn't long until he came, and I moved from the sill to grab my jacket. There was no going back now.

Pulling the material closer to my skin, I headed for the car and slipped in without looking in the older man's direction. I don't think he looked in mine either, perhaps he was just as nervous. I chewed my lower lip and jiggled my knees up and down. It wasn't as if I were a virgin. I'd lost that innocent part of myself many years ago. There was nothing to worry about. Just quick money. Who else could say they'd earned two-fifty in one hour? Well… a lot of people probably could. Naruto's father for one. He was one of the best lawyers in London, meaning he could charge big bucks for his brain power and time. But it didn't matter how much I tried to convince myself to calm down, I couldn't stop the quivering or twitchy fingers.

"Are you nervous?" Baki asked.

I looked at him for the first time and tried to smile, but I couldn't feel it reach my eyes. "No… I just- I haven't done this before. I don't mean I'm a virgin, I just haven't done… this… before." I didn't think it necessary to elaborate on what 'this' was.

"It's okay. Open the glove compartment." I did as told, and an envelope fell into my lap. "That's yours." I almost asked what it was, before realizing there was money inside. "You can count it if you want. It'll take your mind off things for a while."

I nodded and opened the flap. This was all so unreal - almost as if none of it was actually happening. Yesterday I was just a part-time cleaner, now I was about to sleep with a man for money. A man who worked with my father and had known me since I was thirteen.

"You know, Gaara, you're very cute when you're nervous." I stared at him. Mouth wide open and eyes flicking from his face to the hand groping my knee. I didn't want to pull away like some blushing virgin, but I instantly knew I didn't like it, either. I swallowed, nails digging into the money. I looked down at the notes. I just had to remember what I was doing it for. This would be a one time thing. After this I'd go back to being boring old Gaara.

I slipped the green back into its envelope.

"That's a lot of money there, Gaara." His hand moved from my knee to the middle of my leg. He squeezed. "Do you think you're worth it?" I didn't speak, just stared dumbly at his wrinkling knuckles. "It's okay, you can be more confident than that. I think you're worth it." He did? The car stopped, I hadn't even noticed we were in the parking lot to his apartment already. "Should we take this upstairs?"

I could do this. I so could do this. It was only an hour. I nodded. But my mantra weakened more and more with each step I climbed. Did he really think I was worth so much money for just an hour? Maybe… I was.

He flicked the light switch and stepped inside his apartment. "Do you want a drink?" he asked, throwing his keys on the sofa. He got two glasses out his bottom cupboard. "Alcoholic, I mean."

"Uh, yeah." Alcohol sounded like a great idea.

He pulled out a bottle of vodka and filled both glasses halfway before adding coke to mine. "Here." He passed it to me, and I scrunched my face after taking a sip. Strong. WAY too strong. "You don't have to finish it all." He downed his straight vodka in a couple of mouthfuls, making me feel sick _for_ him.

Standing in his apartment, which I'd just cleaned the day before, made everything seem so much more real. I was really going to do this, wasn't I? I took a mouthful of drink, and let it slide down my throat without touching my tongue. The warmth sat in my belly, calming my nerves slightly. I leaned against the unit uncomfortably. I just had to ask one thing, it'd been going around my mind ever since the phone call earlier. "Why didn't you- I mean, you could pick someone off the streets for probably a lot less than you're paying me. Why not do that and save the money?"

He smirked over the rim of his glass. "I didn't want some whore off the streets. This isn't just about sex to me, Gaara. I've liked you for a long time, why did you think I used to watch when you were cleaning?"

I felt blood rush to my face, heating the skin on my cheeks. "I thought you were making sure I didn't steal anything."

He laughed. It was the first time I'd ever heard the sound, and I wasn't too sure if I liked it. "I used to mess the place up on purpose so you'd have to stay here longer."

"What!" I cleared my throat, embarrassed for the outburst. "Sorry, it's just…" I tried to grin sheepishly, but it wouldn't work. My cheeks just twitched a bit until I gave up, deciding to take another couple of mouthfuls of the vodka and coke instead.

"You're so cute." I think I preferred him when he didn't speak. He stepped closer, and I drained the glass quickly, hoping the intoxicating effects would take over my logical side soon. I held the glass close to my chest when he reached out to touch my cheek. "You're so perfect." I looked away, and he took the glass from my hands. "Come on."

I'd followed him to the bedroom, each footstep heavier than the last, and stood in the clean room. The sliding doors to his wardrobe were two large mirrors, and I saw myself standing there like a lost kid. I probably had the same expression on my face when 'Daddy' left me in a park when I was ten. When I grew older, I realized he'd probably dropped me off and disappeared to go buy some alcohol, hoping that I wouldn't notice he was gone. Because you can't bring your ten-year-old son in the shop with you if you're buying enough alcohol to rot a normal person's liver.

Baki sat at the edge of his double-bed and raised a hand to beckon me. My legs moved themselves and I stood still and silent in front of him as he ran his hand over my shirt. "Perfect," he mumbled. I bit the inside of my cheek when his fingers crawled under the material. "Take your shirt off," he commanded. I folded my arms across my chest, gripped the hem and pulled it over my head.

I'd always expected to feel something more when deciding to have consensual sex for the first time, but there was nothing. No feeling of lust or love. There were physical feelings, of course, when he touched me, but nothing emotional. I didn't think I could've been more detached from the experience even if I'd tried. Which I guessed was for the best.

* * *

I hadn't let him see me cry when he finished with my body. I'd lay staring at the sliding mirror doors, but I couldn't look at my reflection. He'd offered to let me stay the night, but I wanted to go home. He'd agreed to take me and we drove back silently - the money in my jacket pocket.

"That was okay, wasn't it?" It sounded more like a declarative than a question.

"Yeah," I mumbled, staring at my bedroom window from the car when he parked.

"You're coming to clean my house next week as well, right?" I guessed that's what we were calling it. I was alright with that, anything was better than saying what it actually was. He put his hand on my knee again, but this time I didn't flinch or feel the gut wrenching nerves from before. I didn't feel anything.

"I don't know."

"You'll feel better about it tomorrow," he said, touching my cheek. "Next week will be three-hundred. I'll come pick you up normal time."

I didn't want to disagree, I just wanted to get out the car, have a shower and go to bed. I stunk of sex, and the smell was making me want to puke.

I didn't sleep that night. With the money tucked safely inside my pillow case, I didn't remove my eyes from the ceiling. Sort of the same as when I was with Baki. After taking my shirt off, he'd made me lay on the bed as he took my trousers off. He didn't hurt me, which I should've been happy about. But a part of me wanted it to have hurt, at least then I might not have felt so bad about the whole thing. I could've told myself that I hated the whole experience, it hurt, and I was never going to do it again. But it didn't, and I felt completely indifferent toward it. It was almost as if I hadn't been present within my own body.

I didn't get out of bed Sunday, and ignored Naruto's calls. Then Monday rolled around, and like Baki had said, I did feel much better about the whole situation. The empty shell had quickly filled, and I was back to my normal self - only two-hundred and fifty quid richer.

"If you're gonna wear that thing again, make sure you take it off before we go through the gates," Naruto said, pointing at the cross around my neck.

I grasped it between my fingers and smiled. It'd been a long time since I'd felt the cold metal against my chest.

"What is it?" Sasuke whispered across the table. Mr Kakashi didn't appreciate people chatting during his lectures, and unlike Mr Kabuto, he'd find great pleasure in giving all three of us detention.

"It was my mother's," I said

"Why're you wearing it again?" Naruto asked.

I shrugged. "I just felt like it." Which was true. I'd suddenly got the urge to put it on after almost a year of it sitting in my bottom drawer. Sometimes, when I was younger, I'd close my eyes and fiddle with the cross' metal points. It's what I used to do when Mum held me. I'd sit in her arms and play with it. It made me feel comforted, closer to her, even.

My mobile vibrated in my pocket, and I stole a quick glimpse at the text underneath the desk. If Mr Kakashi noticed, he'd confiscate it for the rest of the week. I squeezed the cross tighter and gulped. Something unusual must've registered on my face, because Naruto nudged me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to see the message.

I held it from his view. "Nothing."

How'd he get my number? I'd never given it to him, so why was Baki texting me while I sat in class? This made me uneasy, very uneasy indeed. If I was going to do this 'cleaning' thing, then I couldn't let him interfere in my real life. I had to keep the two separate, or I'd probably go insane. I put the phone back in my pocket, ignoring the question of:

HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?

I'd called him on my father's mobile on Saturday, so he hadn't saved it from then. I'd ask him on Friday.

When we left the classroom, Sasuke went the opposite way to his politics class as Naruto and I headed for Maths. We had most of our classes together, which was one of the reasons we'd became friends in the first place. That and the fact he wouldn't leave me alone for our first week at St. Andrews Senior School. But no one could find him annoying for too long, he just had one of those personalities that grew on you.

"Okay, are you going to tell me what's wrong with you, or am I going to have to guess?" Why could he always tell when something was wrong? I knew for a fact he didn't have a sixth sense, otherwise he wouldn't fail so many pop-quizzes.

I stopped at the water fountain and bent over to take a drink. I wasn't overly thirsty, but I needed a reason to not answer. I wiped my lips. "What're you talking about?"

He narrowed his bright, blue eyes, letting his blond lashes move to cover the top of his irises. "You ignored my calls all yesterday, you've been staring off into space all morning, and you totally freaked out when your phone went off earlier."

"Ugh," I groaned, walking off. "I'm fine."

"Hey, Gaara. Slow down, I just want to talk to you." When I sped up, he jogged to get in front and slammed his hand against the wall, blocking my way with his body.

"What do you want?" I asked. "We're going to be late for class."

"Screw class. I know you, Gaara."

"Obviously not as well as you thought." I stepped right, but he moved in my way again, so I crossed my arms indignantly. "Naruto, stop being a moron. Let me pass."

He shook his head slowly. "There's something different about you." What the fuck? My tightly crossed arms loosened slightly and my glare lightened. "Your eyes are different."

"My eyes?… What the fuck are you talking about? My eyes are exactly the same as they've always been." Good, old Naruto. Trust him to be the only person looking close enough to notice.

The corridor was emptying, meaning students were pouring into classrooms. "We're going to be late, Naruto."

He sighed and looked down for a moment. "Maybe I'm overreacting." He grinned and reached out to pinch my cheek. "But how can I not when you're so perfect?"

"_You're so perfect."_

I dodged his hand. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

The shocked looked on his face let me know I'd hurt his feelings. "I was only joking."

"Sorry. I just didn't sleep well over the weekend. I was feeling sick," I said, straightening my school tie.

"Are you sure that's all?"

"What else could there be?" I raised my arms. "Look at me, Naruto. I'm fine. If you're going to act like this every time I get sick…"

He didn't just look at me. He stared, eyes moving up and down, almost as if he were looking through me. I didn't know what he could see, but he obviously didn't like it.

"Okay." He turned his back to me. "Let's just go."

* * *

**Wow. At this rate the fic will be finished in a few weeks.**

**R&R. I really appreciate all reviews.**


	4. There's no running that can hide you

**I kinda feel sorry for how easily Gaara can be manipulated. Lol. It annoys me how he can't see it, and I'm the one writing the damn thing.**

**You have no idea how much researched I've done toward the psychology of this sort of thing AND the actual escorting thing. The sexual act for money isn't illegal in England (as long as you aren't curb crawling, advertising it in public, or working for someone else. E.g. a 'pimp' or a 'Madame'), so I'm guessing the practice of prostitution is much different in America. I also know an escort (well, I say 'know', but she's a cousin of a friend), so how I portray it in this fic will be how escorting USUALLY happens in England. I also even found an English forum on the internet where escorts go to talk! You couldn't believe how much information I got from there. (As useless as this is, I now know how prostitutes do their taxes [Yes, believe it or not, prostitutes are taxed on the money they make selling sex]). Crazy, huh?**

* * *

There's no running that can hide you

* * *

It's funny how quickly things are picked up. Pushing the right buttons and saying the right things came more naturally than I could've hoped once I became used to my new job. It wasn't too bad, and after a few weeks I could handle the hour session without feeling sick or dirty. I could detach myself enough to not feel anything while still being present enough to not seem like an empty shell.

It felt as if there were two Gaaras. Both from different sides of the spectrum. And alternating between the two became second nature. With Baki I was one side of the reflection, and with everyone else I was the other. And don't get me wrong, I didn't enjoy doing this, but my acting skills had developed tenfold. Everything I did and said during these sessions were coming from working Gaara's mouth. I never let the real Gaara shine through, because unless I separated the two, I'd probably go insane. So far it was easy to divide them.

The duvet covered the lower half of my body as I lay on my front, one arm dug under the pillow while the other held a cigarette. I blew the smoke away before stumping the butt out in an ash tray. Baki watched as I sat to slip back into my clothes. His fingers ran my spine. A few weeks ago, that gesture would've made me shiver or jump in surprise, but I didn't even flinch while pulling my jeans on.

I peered at my new watch, the taxi would be there soon. Baki no longer drove me home, it was always easier when I didn't have to suffer the awkwardly quiet ride.

"I was thinking," he said when I stood. I paused halfway through pulling my shirt on and gazed over my shoulder. "Would you be interested in making more money?"

I tugged the shirt over my head. "What d'you mean?"

"I have a few friends who'd probably enjoy your… cleaning services."

The mattress dipped under my weight. "I don't know. I have a lot of studying to do, and getting ready, travelling, working and getting back home takes almost the whole evening."

"Most of them would be willing to pay a lot. Of course, I'd be your driver slash security. I'd also only take a twenty percent cut."

Wait a second. "Are you asking to be my pimp?" I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the conversation. Well, working Gaara laughed at the ridiculousness. Real Gaara would've timidly shook his head, gone home and scrubbed at his skin while crying.

"That's such a demeaning word. I'd call it more… being your part-time boss."

"I still don't know."

"You've gotten really good at this since the first time," he said. "You seem to almost enjoy it now, and I think you're ready to widen your business."

Widen my business?

"Of course, it'll probably take a lot more acting if you want to compete with other working boys."

Compete?

His hand crawled up my arm. "You're perfect, you know? It just seems a shame to not share you."

Working Gaara smiled when he cupped my cheek. Real Gaara wanted to run away from the scary man. "How much is a lot?"

"I know people from all walks of life, especially those at the top. Leave it to me, my little perfect boy. I'll make sure you never have to go without again." He patted my cheek before pulling away. "And try to get some more sleep, you're looking a bit tired." He rummaged through his drawer. "Here." He handed me a joint.

"Thanks, but you know I don't smoke that stuff."

He held my hand and placed it in my palm. "Just smoke it before bed, it'll help you relax."

Perhaps I should just this once. I mean, I hadn't been able to sleep much lately. I didn't know what the problem was, but some nights I could lay there for hours in the dark and not drift off. I pocketed it.

"So is that a yes to the proposition?"

I rubbed at an eye. "Okay, but I can't do it too often. Like I said, I have studying to do."

"That's my boy. I've booked you in with someone tomorrow evening."

I tried to figure out whether or not he was joking, but he didn't back down under my scrutiny. "Excuse me?"

"I knew you wouldn't let me down." He smiled, and the wrinkles around his eyes deepened.

"But I'm meeting some friends tomorrow. You shouldn't have just done that without asking."

"It's not a big deal, just leave them early. He wants you at seven." Even working Gaara didn't appreciate that.

"How many people have you told?"

"Just a couple. Don't worry, no one from my work knows, so your dad won't find out."

Although it was close to the top, my father finding out wasn't my main worry. I didn't want too many people knowing, and how did he tell them? 'I'm screwing some sixteen-year-old kid, you want a turn?' No, that kind of thought didn't belong in working Gaara's head. That was something for the real Gaara to worry about. Great, something else to keep me up all night. I guessed having the joint wouldn't be too much of a bad idea.

* * *

It was unusual for the sun to be out so close to winter. The heat usually rationed itself out pretty scarcely throughout the year, meaning we weren't going to waste it. And so we did what most teenage boys seemed to have chosen to do, we went to the park with a ball and played football most the afternoon.

Naruto was a pro, of course. He'd been blessed with genes that adapted to all sports. Cricket, rounders, basketball. You name it, he could play it at professional level. Sasuke was close behind, it seemed, and Shikamaru had decided to spend most the afternoon under a tree reading. Only once had Naruto managed to force him to play, but he mostly stood there, watching as the ball rolled past when I kicked it to him. You couldn't really play a real game when there were only three players, so we just messed around, taking it in turns to be in a goal that we'd created with our jackets.

"Bastard, you did that on purpose!" Naruto screeched when Sasuke kicked the ball at his face. The rubber material had left a red mark in the middle of his nose. I held a hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh as Naruto stropped.

"It's not my fault you block like a girl. Try using your hands instead of you face next time, idiot."

"You'll be blocking your own face in a minute if you don't shut it."

"Wow, that put me in my place."

"I swear to god, Sasuke. One of these days I'm going to cause some serious bodily harm. And I'll get away with it. My dad's a lawyer."

The raven haired teen held his ground. I felt as if I were watching some primal dance of territory on the discovery channel. "Okay, let's play that game, shall we? Your dad wouldn't be able to defend your case because my dad could make you disappear off the face of the earth forever. If you're lucky, they'd kill you. If not, well, let's just say there's a lot of islands that only a few people know about."

Naruto gulped. "You know, man, you really scare me sometimes."

Their bickering wasn't going to end anytime soon, so I decided to leave them to it.

"What're you reading?" I asked, sitting next to Shikamaru underneath the tree. The sun shone through the leaves and danced on the ground when the wind blew.

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest." He looked up at Naruto and Sasuke, who were now in some sort of wrestling match on the floor. "And I'm beginning to feel that this guy had the right idea. Your phones been going off, by the way." The three of us had left our mobiles with him, so they didn't fall out our pockets and get lost while playing.

The giddiness in my chest from the exercise suddenly disappeared as I checked the missed calls.

"Who was it?"

"Just my dad," I lied. It was almost five o'clock, meaning I should really have been heading off to get ready for work.

"What's wrong?" he asked when I pocketed the phone.

"Nothing."

I'd learned not to say too much to this boy. His deciphering skills were imaginably high, and I didn't want him coming to right conclusions.

Sighing, I stood to pat myself down. "You guys," I called to the two on the floor. Sasuke was currently sitting on Naruto's back, smooshing his face into the grass. They both stopped and gazed in my direction nonchalantly, almost as if I'd just disturbed a boring conversation. "I've got to head off."

"Why?" Sasuke called.

"I've just got to go."

Naruto took the opportunity to push Sasuke from his back. "Where?"

Jesus, why was everyone so nosy? "I've got to go home."

Naruto was up and walking in my direction before I could turn and leave. "I'll walk you."

"I'm fine by myself."

"I thought your dad worked on Saturdays."

"He does."

"So why do you have to go home?"

"I've got work," I mumbled. For some reason, even if the other two thought it was just cleaning, I didn't want them to know I had a job.

"You work?" Sasuke asked.

"He cleans houses," Naruto said, guessing that I didn't want to particularly answer.

"Nothing wrong with a bit of honest work," Shikamaru said while closing his book.

_Yeah… honest._

"I'll walk you." Again with the offer. "Let me just grab my jacket."

No point refusing. When that boy got an idea into his head, he generally wouldn't let it go without an argument. And so he followed me home, didn't take the hint I wanted him to leave when we got to my door, and came upstairs.

"You know," he said, laying on my bed and popping another chip into his mouth from the greasy packet in his hands. "I like that Iruka guy. He's alright."

I leaned closer to the cracked mirror in the bathroom and patted concealer under my eyes. Baki was right, I was looking tired. "Only because he gives you free food whenever you come here." I honestly didn't know where he put it all. His stomach was a bottomless pit. My fingers poked in a pot of gel before running the gloopy substance through my hair. I spiked the curly locks, twisting the ends to add a bit more effect, and pulled on my boxers to enter my bedroom.

"Try chewing your food instead of inhaling," I said when Naruto choked on a chip. I flicked through my new clothes. Black jeans, check. Dark blue, tight tee, check. Mum's necklace off and safely in my drawer, check.

"I thought you said you were going to work," Naruto said after recovering from spluttering over my sheets.

"I did, and I am." I sprayed under my arms.

"But you're dressed as if you're going on a date." He scrunched the fish n' chip paper into a ball and watched me slip into a pair socks. "You can tell me if you are." He grinned. "I'll give you some tips."

"One, I'm not going on a date. And two, even if I was, I'd never take dating tips from you."

"What?" Mock-hurt rested on his face. "Why not?"

"Because you've only ever been out with one girl in your life, and it lasted a week. I don't know what you're doing wrong, but there has to be something."

"I could get a girlfriend if I wanted one."

"Sure, you just choose to be single, right?" I rolled my eyes.

"You'd be surprised. I could have a girl eating out the palm of my hand if I wanted." Modest, much? He sat up, daring me to say otherwise with his eyes.

This I had to witness first hand. "Okay, show me." When he walked toward me, I stepped back. "I mean with a girl, doofus." But he had that look in his eyes. The determined one that meant he wasn't going to lose. I'd set myself up. When a hand rested on my waist, I pushed his chest. He _was not _seriously going to do this?…

I laughed. "Okay, I believe you." But his fingers carried on crawling up my side. He didn't speak. The contact made my instincts bounce. Working Gaara? Normal Gaara? No, normal Gaara with Naruto. Working Gaara for clients. "Whatever, I get it." His eyes, so close to mine. His hands, at either side of my head. Not even Baki made me feel this Claustrophobic. But it was to be expected - normal Gaara didn't like this kind of thing. This closeness made him feel uneasy. "Naruto, you're making me uncomfortable." His chest was hard under my hands. Anger bubbled. What right did he have to do this? "Move."

His lips moved, but he didn't speak at first. He just licked them. "I can't," he whispered, eyes locking into mine. "…Your gel's on my hands, I'm stuck to the wall." He grinned.

Mother fucker. "Stop acting like an idiot." I ducked out from his arms, and he unstuck his hands easily.

"Got ya." He laughed. "You should've seen your face. You thought I was gonna kiss you or something, didn't ya?"

"I don't know why I hang around with you. Besides, what sort of tip was that? No wonder you're single, you probably scare everyone away. Forget kissing, I thought you were going to murder me."

He snickered. "You're still blushing."

"Shut up!"

He cupped his hands beside his face. "Oh, Gaara. Kiss me." Kissy noises. "You're such a stud."

"Get the fuck out my house."

"Chillax, dude. Anyone would think you're still a virgin."

"Anyone would think you're gay."

He stopped laughing to cross his arms, but I could tell he was still holding back the snickers. "How do you not get hit by parked cars?"

Parked cars? "What?"

"You're an unobservant idiot."

"You've lost me."

He groaned. "Gaara, I-"

"Hold that thought." My pocket vibrated.

I'M OUTSIDE.

"Forget it. I'll see you at school." He grabbed his jacket and was out the room before I could close my phone.

"Bye," I called when he left, but he didn't answer. What got his underwear into knots?

I took one last look at normal Gaara in the mirror. Only half the reflection stared back, the other was blocked by the jagged crack splitting my face into two. My lids shut. The wash basin creaked under my grip. I sighed. My lids reopened. And I was gone. Well, not really, but the stage face was on. Best to get myself ready early, you know? I didn't want to slip out of character while on the job.

Face tilted down slightly, check. Seductive look through lashes, check. Cheeky smirk, check. I'd started making a lot of lists lately. It was a good way to distract yourself. Distracting is… good.

* * *

We pulled up around the corner from the destination. I'd caught a quick glimpse of the exterior while passing. For some reason, I'd expected the house to be one closer to my neighbourhood. Perhaps a garden full of beer bottles and a cracked front door? But the real thing was nothing as I imagined. This was an expensive apartment complex. Creamy-white pillars running along all the doors, large windows with closed drapes. Hell, it looked more expensive than Naruto's house.

"Are you sure this is it?" I asked, almost pressing my face up against the window.

"Yes. Number fourteen. You know what to do when you first get there, right?" Baki asked. The engine died.

"Get the money and call you when the hour starts. Yes." He'd only explained how things worked about one-hundred times since we set off.

"Good. There shouldn't be any problems. He sounded slightly nervous, but I assured him you'd make him feel more comfortable about the situation."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"How should I know? Be nice, smile, let him know you're fine with it. Just play on instinct. He's paying a lot of money for this hour, so we want him to be satisfied, otherwise it could be bad for business. Don't forget that you're in control here, he's just the client."

"Right." Play on instinct - I'd been doing a lot of that lately.

"You'll refer to him as Tony. Of course that's not his real name, but we like to keep things discreet."

"Does he know my name?"

"I didn't give him a name. I thought it was best not to use your real one, though, since it's very uncommon. Just make one up." The crow's feet around Baki's eyes stood out where the dim light in the car caused shadows. "I know you'll be fine, my perfect little boy." He rubbed my cheek. "Just remember to smile. You forget to do that often."

Leaving the safety of Baki's car, I suddenly felt very alone. The street was silent with only the odd passing car. At least I'd sort of knew Baki when we started, but this was a complete stranger.

Number fourteen. I saw my reflection in the door's window. Remember to smile. Time to put working Gaara into full swing. I knocked on the door. No going back now.

* * *

The door opened, and the light from the hallway shone into my eyes. I blinked a few times to get my pupils used to the light change, and there he was. Not attractive, but not grotesque. Fairly average. He moved to let me in. Smile, check. Shake his hand, check.

_Remember, I'm in control._

"Hey, Tony," I said, still smiling. I let go of his sweaty palm and resisted the urge to wipe it on my shirt.

He looked in his mid-forties. I noticed the picture frame behind his head on the wall. What was this? A wife and two children? I averted my eyes, best not to look at that. Don't want to make him feel anymore uncomfortable by directing attention to the family who were obviously in the dark about his sexuality.

"Hi… um…"

Oh right, a name. Shit. "Naruto." …Why? I really had to bite my tongue not to swear at that mistake. I didn't even flinch, but I was kicking myself inside. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It was the first name that popped into my head. It wouldn't have mattered as much if the name itself wasn't as uncommon as my own. But still… What the fuck? Why hadn't I said Frank, come on, even Bob would've been a better option.

"Naruto, that's a very uncommon name."

"You're telling me." I wanted to mumble, but instead I nodded and laughed. "It is," I said.

He scratched his thinning hairline. "So, would you like a drink?"

Refusing would seem rude. "That would be wonderful, thank you." Still smiling - my cheeks were going to be sore in the morning. And yes, I meant my face.

How original, I thought while holding the glass of wine he'd offered me… I didn't like wine. I took a fake sip and placed the glass on the table. He'd sat at the chair, but I'd remained standing. It was almost a status thing, I had to keep up the front of being in control of the situation.

"Perhaps we should get the paperwork out the way, so we can relax," I said.

He patted at his pockets, still looking as flustered as he did at the door. "Oh, yeah, sorry." He passed me an envelope.

"Thanks." Working Gaara winked. "Where's your bathroom so I can freshen up for you."

"Oh, upstairs. It's the first room."

On finding the bathroom, I did what Baki asked. Counted the money. It's rude to do it in front of the client, although apparently advisable since if they short-change you they can then accuse you of pocketing some and asking for more. It was strange how Baki knew all this stuff, but convenient, I guessed.

Five-hundred exactly.

Everything was going fine so far, so I called Baki to let him know.

I sat on the edge of the bath once hanging up. Everything was so white and pure.

"Naruto?" There was a knock on the door. "Are you okay in there, I heard voices."

"Of course you heard fucking voices, I was on the phone… Moron." And of course, that's not what I _actually_ said.

"I was just calling my security." Another rule. Always let the client know you have someone waiting outside. I peered in the mirror, faffed with my hair a little, and unlocked the door.

Time for work.

* * *

**And I'll leave it there.**

**R&R**

**I'm not sure if I want to write an actual sex scene between Gaara and a client since I didn't want this fic to be about the sex. I dunno, I might do, but it probably won't be like a graphic, full-on one.**


	5. Take this nothingness from me

**(Sorry for such a late update, I've been in Turkey on Holiday with a group of friends. [Yes, I am rubbing it in. Lol] Just have to share one thing. Went to a Chinese on the last night and one of the dishes on the English translation was 'Sweat and sour chicken balls'. And damn, that's exactly what it tasted like. Ick.)**

**I'm getting really uncomfortable writing this, which I guess could be a good thing. It just goes to show that this is an edgy topic. One of my favourite fic authors, in a review, mentioned that they're a bit edgy about reading this subject, which in a way made me smile, because it means I'm evoking emotions. Which ultimately is what I'm trying to do, the subject is supposed to make people feel uneasy. And hopefully I'm doing a good job at it - only problem is I'm taking myself along for the ride at the same time, meaning I'm not writing everything I want to because I feel bad for Gaara. Hmm…**

**AN: There's a new warning on the first chapter that I suggest people read if they haven't already.**

* * *

Take this nothingness from me

* * *

"Naruto," he whispered against my skin. I really wished he'd stop saying that. Every time the name was mumbled, I couldn't help thinking about my blond best friend. The images were beginning to twist into something I'd rather not picture. But I guessed it was my own fault for keeping on the faux name.

I wriggled underneath him. "You're kind of… hurting me." But he didn't loosen the grip around my wrists. When he'd asked me to be the submissive one, I didn't know he meant I'd have to put up with this shit.

"Shh. You're okay."

No, I really wasn't. The pain below my hands was escalating into a numbing throb. Any longer and I knew I'd have bruising in the area, if not already. But I closed my mind off to it. I'd worry about covering the marks later.

He thrusted into me harder, and my back bounced on the mattress. One bounce. Two. I gazed over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. Only twenty more minutes; Working Gaara could handle a little longer - Normal Gaara, I wasn't so sure about.

"You like that, don't you, you whore? You love my dick smashing into you," he grunted between thrusts.

'If you say so,' was what came to mind. That was it, I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. So I just gave him what he wanted, hoping it'd make him spill his load. Working Gaara, it's all up to you now. Make me proud. "Yes," I moaned, leaning my chest up into his. "Yes… harder… oh, god, I love your hot cock beating into me." Hmm. Not bad. I should've taken up acting as my creative art's GCSE instead of music.

His pace quickened. "Dirty little… school boy."

Oh, now I understood. Fucking pervert was into that. Well, at least I knew what to play on. "Harder," I moaned, eyes shut and mouth open slightly. "I want to still feel you while I'm sitting in class on Monday. Ugh… I'll be thinking about this…" He grunted and pounded harder, making my voice break between gulps of breath. "… while getting hot and flustered underneath… my uniform. If you were my teacher… you could bend me backwards over your desk and-"

He shook, and I felt him spasm inside me. His hairy body collapsed on mine. Thank fuck that was over. When he caught his breath and rolled off, he said, "Maybe next time you could bring your uniform. We could have a little roll play."

I smiled as he ran a hand over my chest. "Definitely." Not. Next time this guy called Baki to book, I'd be 'busy'. I mean, I still had boundaries, and sure, there was nothing wrong with a guy having a fetish, but this one didn't sit right with me. Which was a shame, because he wasn't a bad guy. Sort of funny looking, but he was okay.

"I'm sorry," he said, lifting my arm carefully. "I didn't mean to bruise you."

"That's okay." God-Fucking-damnit. How was I going to hide those? I looked like I'd been chained to a bedpost for a week. I'd have to wear long sleeves for about a month. Plus, Baki didn't like me getting marked. He said it made me look tainted. Which was kinda ironic in a sick sort of way.

"Hey, where's the fire?" he said, coaxing me to lay back down when I'd gone to get up. "We still have ten minutes."

I rolled onto my side. "And what would you like to do with those ten minutes?" Not enough time for him to get hard again, thank god. I found it slightly amusing how everything that came out my mouth during these sessions were the polar opposite to what I was actually thinking. I wondered what people would say if they could read my mind.

"Why do you do this?" He wasn't the first to ask that question, funnily enough. Quite a few of my clients did. "Waiting for someone to drag you out of this life and give you a happily ever after?"

What did he think this was, Pretty Woman? I had no deluded thoughts about being whisked away. It was my choice to do this, I wasn't forced into it. "You're fucked in the arse with whatever job you get…" Which was true, in a way. "Mine's just more of the literal act."

He laughed. "Wise beyond your years, you are. Wise beyond your years."

Baki's car waited outside. Waiting, always waiting. Waiting for his cut of the profits, waiting to make sure I came out alive. Didn't run into a sick murderer this time.

His taillights flashed when he saw me, and I slipped into the seat beside him - his twenty percent already counted and ready to hand over. He didn't bother checking the amount, just stuffed it into his pocket and put the car into drive.

"Everything go smoothly?" he asked, checking the rear-view mirror and stopping at a red light.

"Yeah." I held onto my jacket sleeves, making sure the purple and blue marks were hidden from sight. The last thing I wanted was another argument. One time a client had scratched my back, and let's just say Baki wasn't happy.

I watched houses fly beyond my reflection in the window, and when I got home, the flashing lights were still moving behind my lids. Sometimes I'd feel frozen in time. Kinda strange, really. Almost as if each moment blended into the next, and somehow, I could feel something slipping away. Not trying to be over dramatic, but something was disappearing, and it scared me to think what I was losing.

"Gaara, is that you?"

Something crunched under my foot when I moved from the front door. I peered down before bending to pick up the broken photo frame. It must've fallen from the hook in the wall, and now the little boy holding the blood red fire engine was hidden behind cracked glass. His childlike grin distorted by jagged breaks.

One more thing to fix.

"Yeah, what do you want?" I called after hanging the picture back up.

Kankurou's face appeared from his bedroom. "Come gimme a hand would ya? I've got to get all this shit bagged before tomorrow."

"Getting a bit desperate, aren't we?" I picked at a loose thread in my jacket as I leaned against his doorframe, watching him weigh squashed green leaves. "What happened to the _hardcore_ stuff?"

"I'm just doing a mate a favour." He fingered a small packet with weed inside. "Forget it. Either help or fuck off."

"What's in it for me?"

"Twenty quid."

"Hell no. It's almost two AM. I'm going to bed, I've got school tomorrow." And I'd already made three-hundred quid, I'd pass on a twenty.

He grunted. "Just sit down, I want to talk to you."

I gave him a sceptical look before ploinking myself on the floor beside his scales. "Make it quick, I'm tired."

He sniffed the air. "And you stink. You need a shower, I can smell you over this." He lifted a small bag and threw it atop the pile of carefully measured drugs.

I elevated my arm to take a quick smell. He was right, I did smell pretty funky. I took the jacket off so I could get it in the wash. "Whatever. What did you want?"

His eyes found my wrists, but if he saw the bruises, he didn't mention them. "Make yourself useful." He threw me a couple of bags and pulled out a smaller scale from under his bed. So I ripped a few leaves into small pieces and measured. *"You need Henrys," he mumbled.

Twenty minutes and ten eighths later, I gazed up at Kankurou's alarm clock. "As therapeutic as this brotherly bonding session is, if the point isn't coming soon, then I'm going to bed." My back ached and I had to get up for school in just over three hours.

His eyes met mine, and he lowered the bag he'd been stuffing. He grinned. "I guess the free manual labour is over, then. Okay." He scratched the back of his head. "What's going on with you?"

What was that look in his eyes? Concern, perhaps? Well, that was a first. "Nothing's going on."

"Well, Temari-"

"She told you to talk to me, didn't she?"

"Yes, but we're both worried about you."

"Worried? You're-"

"Is that so hard to believe? You're out all the time, you come back at stupid o'clock in the morning, and have you seen yourself lately? And if you carry on giving me that look you'll be looking a lot worse than you already do."

I laughed. I don't know why, but it all seemed so amusing. "Have I seen myself? Sorry, big brother-" I lowered my voice into a whisper and leaned forward so he could hear me. "-but there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe you're the one who needs a good long look in the mirror, because from where I'm sitting you're the fuck up. Not me." I stood to leave, but his hand grabbed my wrist, making me wince in pain.

"What's gotten into you, Gaara? We're just concerned for you."

Kankurou fell backward when I shoved him away. "It's too little too late for concern, don't you think?"

"Gaara-"

"Were you concerned for me when I was eight and beaten so badly I spent a week in hospital? But that wasn't anyone's fault, right? Father was drunk, he didn't mean it. I begged you to help me, but you just walked past." I grinned, and Kankurou's mouth opened and eyes furrowed. I stepped forward. "Or how about when social services took me away when I was ten? Huh?"

"Gaara, you're acting crazy, calm down."

"Shut up! Where was your concern then? Where were you when our uncle had me? I was only down town, but I guess that doesn't matter either because he's in jail now. Yeah, now, but what about back then? When I told you what was happening, you ignored me and carried on as normal."

"What could I have done? I was only fourteen."

My grin faltered then, and I shook my head. "You could've protected me. You were my big brother, and you were never there when I needed you, so I don't need you now. I don't need anyone now."

He didn't say anything when I left, but it's not like there was anything more to talk about. I'd wanted to say that to him for so long, but I never imagined the whole thing would come out sounding so hysterically funny. It was a mess. But I just didn't care.

* * *

The white and black keys dipped under my fingertips. I made a point to close my eyes and listen to the music being emitted from the piano. This was one of the reasons I loved school. We'd never been able to afford or had the room for such a large instrument, so music lessons were the only time I could play. Perhaps I'd buy a keyboard that'd fit in my room. A natural. That's what my music teacher called me when I was younger.

It was calming. It made me… happy. And it took away all feelings from the night before.

Playing the piano was the one thing I could be in complete control of. I chose the keys, I chose the melody that came out. However, what I couldn't control was the irritating screeches of the electric guitar beside me.

I took my fingers from the keys and opened my eyes. "Sasuke," I said. "What're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He strummed. "I'm rocking out."

"It looks more like you're trying to beat that thing to an inch of its life."

Laughing, he unhooked the strap from across his shoulder. "Perhaps I could use a little more practice." He shoved my arm, making me move up on the seat so he could sit beside me. "You're pretty good on this, though." He pressed middle C a few times. "I always thought you were good, but never really got the chance to say anything. You're kind of intimidating to talk to, you know that?"

"What's this? _The_ Sasuke Uchiha intimidated by me?" I had to laugh at that, but he didn't seem as amused.

"Hey, just because I look like a bad arse - a hot one at that-"

"-Modest much?"

"-doesn't mean I'm that bad. Do you think I'd be able to put up with Naruto if I was? My reputation just got out of hand because everyone's scared of the Uchiha name."

"I'm not that intimidating, am I?" I gazed at my reflection in the glossy, black piano.

"Of course not. Blood red hair, tattoo on your forehead, narrowing glare. I can just see the hordes of little kids swarming you for hugs."

"Okay, you don't have to be so sarcastic."

He pressed a few more keys. "Can't help it. Sarcasm is like a second language to me, just like dobenese is Naruto's."

"I don't get you two. You're always at each other's throats. Do you even like each other?"

"Sure we do. It's just how we communicate, and to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way." Sasuke turned on the seat. "Talk of the devil." Naruto waved through the glass in the door when I turned to follow Sasuke's eyes. Naruto glared at the raven haired boy, and Sasuke flipped him the bird. "But I'll tell you one thing," he said. "He's been in a pissy mood all week. Do you know what's up with him?"

I shrugged. "Not a clue. He seems fine to me."

Sasuke turned from the door. "Yeah, he seems fine, but he's a great actor - have to learn to read between the lines- I guess that's why he took drama as his art's GCSE." He yawned as the bell went for last period, and we met Naruto at the door.

"Dobe." Sasuke nodded as he passed to head for his last lesson.

"Teme." Naruto nodded back.

I shook my head. I'd never understand those two. If it wasn't for their complete contrasting hair and skin colours, they could've been packed down as brothers.

Sasuke had said there was something wrong with Naruto, but I couldn't see it. I watched him as he gestured animatedly while telling me about his drama lesson. He was definitely himself, I didn't understand what Sasuke was talking about.

"…and then Mrs. Kurenai took all her clothes off and started dancing around the hall naked."

"What?"

"I knew you wasn't listening to me." He shook his head and sighed dramatically. "I don't know, you're impossible."

I grinned. "You sounded just like your mum then."

"Sure, you hear that." His bottom lip pushed outward. "Hey, I heard you playing earlier. You're definitely getting better."

"Thanks. I was thinking about buying a keyboard, then I could play whenever I want."

Naruto's face remained facing forward as we walked through the corridor, but I saw his eyes move in their sockets to look at me sideways. "Right," he said. "Don't take offence, but how are you going to afford a keyboard?" He tried to make it sound like an innocent question, but there was something about his voice that I didn't like. "I mean, don't get me wrong, but with all the shopping trips, going to the cinema and saving for the Paris trip at the end of the year, how are you affording anything?"

I tried to laugh the question off. "Why does it matter?"

"Just curious, that's all." Just curious, my arse. He was trying to dig at things. And the cunning bastard was doing a good job at forcing answers out of me. I'd have to keep track of all the lies so I didn't slip up in the future.

"I got a raise."

"That must've been one hell of a raise," he said, turning his head to face me now, and I suddenly felt as if a light was about to be shone in my eyes.

My mouth opened, but I had no answer, so I just grit my teeth and looked away. That was obviously a mistake because Naruto stopped walking, and me being an idiot stopped as well.

"Gaara, I'm going to ask you something now, and I want you to promise to answer me truthfully, okay?"

I didn't promise, but I nodded.

"Are you dealing drugs with Kankurou?"

"What? No," I snapped. "I'd never promote that shit. I thought you knew me better than that."

He moved his hands out in a tight shrug. "Well, you have to be doing something. I saw your sister the other day-"

"Oh, here we go." I looked up in frustration. "Why can't you people just get off my case?"

"She said you're out all the time and don't get home until late, and you're not with us. She said you walk around that house like you're in some sort of trance. There's something going on."

"I'm happy, isn't that enough?"

"No, you're not."

"How the fuck would you know?" I pushed past him but he grabbed my shoulders, and the next thing I knew, my back was against the closest locker.

"Because I can see it." His fingers dug into my small muscles.

"Go on, Naruto. Please, tell me what you see, because I'm so intrigued by your observational skills. You know, since I'm such an 'unobservant idiot'."

His blue orbs narrowed, and I noticed students glancing at us as they headed for last period classes. "I see that there's something very wrong with you. And it's not just your physical appearance, I've said it before, your eyes are different, and I'm not giving up this time until you've told me."

"There's nothing wrong with my physical appearance."

"Have you seen yourself lately?"

I pushed his chest, but he dug his nails in deeper to keep himself stationed. "Why do people keep saying that to me!"

"Because you look terrible. You're paler than usual, you've lost weight and the bags under your eyes look dreadful."

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't outmatch your's or Sasuke's looks."

"Oh my god! Don't start twisting my words."

"Get your hands off me, Naruto." I gripped his wrists and pushed until he let go, but as I did so the sleeves on my blazer slipped for Naruto to catch a glimpse at the marks. "Don't touch me!" But he didn't listen to my protests, instead he forced a sleeve farther down my arm. "It's nothing," I mumbled, all fight momentarily lost to my voice.

"What the fuck is this?" He jiggled my arm in the air for anyone walking past to see.

"It's got nothing to do with you."

"That does it."

"Naruto! Put me down!"

He finally listened to my command when we were alone in a classroom. I fell to the floor with a thud and peered up at the angry blond towering over me. Seriously, what the hell did it have to do with him anyway? "You have no right to do this to me."

"Someone's got to, because you're obviously not listening to anyone else." He pulled the blind down over the door's window and twisted the lock. "We're not leaving until I've heard the truth."

"The truth is you're a stupid, stubborn jackarse."

"And compliments will get you nowhere." He lifted me to my feet with one yank at the front of my blazer.

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" All I wanted was to get out alive. Naruto was scary when he got like this.

"I have been, but enough is enough. Just tell me what's going on, because I'm stumped here. If you're not dealing with your brother, then I have no idea where you're getting this money from."

"You wouldn't want to know." I moved backward to sit on a desk since escape was impossible with him standing in front of the door, and I didn't fancy trying my luck with the two-story high window.

"Try me."

I shook my head.

"So you're apparently cleaning houses for all this money." He crossed his arms and turned his head away in thought. "For fuck's sake, you expect me to believe that? Jesus, it's not like you're sleeping with these people." He turned his head back to me when only silence met his verbal deciphering. "Is it?"

I opened my mouth to deny it, but I couldn't do it. My lids shut, unable to look at him.

"Gaara, did you hear me? I said, it's not like you're sleeping with these people."

"I heard what you said," I bit, still unable to open my eyes. I didn't want to see the look on his face.

It felt like hours before he spoke again, but his next words weren't shouted like the rest, they were a whisper of disbelief. I doubted I was even meant to hear them. "Oh my god… you are."

* * *

* A Henry, in druggy talk, means an eighth. Get it? Henry the eighth. And to filter it down a bit more - an eighth is twenty quid worth of weed.

**Phew. I thought he'd never figure it out.**

**I was going to carry this argument out until the end, but as soon as I wrote those last few words, I knew that was the end of the chapter.**

**R&R**


	6. Living with myself is all I have

Living with myself is all I have

* * *

It looked like someone had just told Naruto his best friend was dead.

He hadn't peered in my direction. All he'd managed to do was step back against the door and slide down until he sat cross legged on the floor - head in hands. And all I did was sit on the desk, not knowing what to say or do. My escape was still blocked, so I had no choice but to stay put, really. I hadn't imagined he'd accidentally stumble across the right conclusion.

It wasn't that big of a deal. So I slept with guys for money. It was just a job.

The clock above the whiteboard ticked, echoing through the silent room and giving me a slight headache. _Tick. Tick. Tick_. There was no _tock_ in the rhythm, just a continuous ticking, almost as if a bomb was about to explode. I played with the sleeves on my green blazer, before running my hands up and down the material and folding my arms. Even when I cleared my throat, Naruto didn't look up. And when I said his name, I knew he wasn't ignoring me on purpose, because his eyes hadn't even flickered in recognition.

2:15. No response.

2:20. I scratched my cheek.

2:25. If we were caught, we'd be looking at detention for a month.

"Naruto?" He was overreacting. "Would you at least say something… anything?" His head moved from his hands- "Please?" -and he did the last thing I expected.

His blond hair squashed against the door when he tilted his head back to laugh. I felt the muscles above my eyes twitch in confusion. He found this… funny? When his finger flicked away a tear, I knew he'd lost the plot. "That was a good one, Gaara." He chuckled. "You almost had me going there for a minute." A minute? He hadn't spoken for almost half an hour. He pushed himself from the floor and patted his black school trousers. "We should get to class-"

"-Naruto-"

He turned to the clock. "-Wow, is that the time already-"

"-Naruto-"

"-We're gonna get into trouble-"

"-Would you listen to-

"-You think we'd get caught hopping over the gate and ditching?"

"Stop ignoring me! I-"

"-We ain't done that for a while, have we?"

"You're unbelievable."

"We haven't gone to the beach in ages, either."

I fingered the skin between my thin eyebrows, waiting for Naruto to stop avoiding the situation. I could say his reaction was a surprise, but to be honest, it wasn't. He'd acted exactly the same when I'd started to tell him why I'd decided to get 'Ai' tattooed onto my forehead. The first sign of an uncomfortable situation or an edgy topic and he'd be mumbling your ear off until next week. A part of me wanted to give him his own way, and let him carry on believing nothing was going on. But deep down, he'd know the truth, and so would I. So getting it out into the open would be better for the both of us. I'd just have to make him realize it wasn't as bad as it all sounded.

"Right." He clapped his hands. "Are you coming? Or are you just going to sit there rubbing your face all day?"

"That depends." I moved my fingers and gazed up at Naruto's faltering grin.

"On?"

"Whether or not you're going to listen to me now." He twisted the door handle, but before he could leave, I'd moved across the room to place my hand on the wood. "Naruto." I gazed into his eyes, trying to let him feel the seriousness I was attempting to radiate. It was minute, but I saw the shake of his head. The one begging me not to bring this back up. But I couldn't see how we could go on as normal with this hanging unfinished in the air. He'd probably get angry again, but anything was better than him acting oblivious to all things wrong with the world.

"Naruto," I said again, firmly, making sure my hand was still on the door so he couldn't run away, but when I finally caught his attention, I couldn't bring myself to say the words in my head. So I just carried on staring into his bright blue eyes, hoping he'd get the hint without the participation of my mouth.

At first blond eyebrows knitted together in compassion, then they spaced out enough to point and crease as he glared. "How many?" And even though it was whispered, I could feel the menace dripping from his lips.

"How many what?"

"How many people have you fucked?"

Ouch. I grimaced. He didn't have to put it so vulgarly. Besides, it wasn't me doing the 'fucking', it was… my created persona. It definitely wasn't the same thing. "I don't know," I mumbled, turning to face the desks.

"Then take a guess."

"Don't do this, Naruto."

"Tell. Me."

"Maybe… fifteen. I don't know. " Pale fingers played with the material on my arm, and I suddenly felt very exposed. "It's not really something I keep a count on."

"Fifteen," he parroted. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Stop acting fucking stupid. You know exactly what I'm asking." My body was twisted, and when I caught sight of his eyes, I wished he'd left me staring at the desk I'd once sat at when I was thirteen. "Would you prefer me to spell it out to you?"

"Just leave me alone, Naruto. This has nothing to do with you."

"Stop moving!"

"Then let me go. You're hurting me!"

His face came inches from mine as the fingers around my arms tightened, and every bit of hate he felt toward me at that moment was evident by the look on his face. That look alone was enough to freeze me, and I ceased trying to escape his grip. "I'm sure you're used to it by now. Why are you whoring yourself out like some… some… tramp?"

"You have no idea what it's like. All you ever have to do is run to Mummy and Daddy with your hand out and they give you whatever you want-"

"Is this just about money?"

"No… I don't know."

He let go of my arms. "I can't even look at you anymore. I thought I knew who you were."

"Obviously not."

He nodded while opening the door, and this time I let him leave. "Obviously."

* * *

My bedroom wall looked so tempting to punch. Mind you, so did the lamp, cupboard and window.

I leaned against my headboard, nails digging into the skin on my arms. How could Naruto get so angry? It had nothing to do with him what or who I did in my spare time. He wasn't my father. To say I was fuming would've been the understatement of the year. I could literally feel my blood boiling beneath the skin.

I squeezed the stuffed teddy beside my pillow, but I knew taking my anger out on the toy wasn't going to help or even improve my mood slightly.

I was going to go over there, and I was going to make him understand that this wasn't a big deal, but this time I wasn't going to use words.

He was a bloody bastard. I couldn't believe the way he'd spoken to me, and I couldn't believe how angry he'd made me.

I twisted my fingers around my eyelids in thought. An argument wasn't going to help. I had to relax, if I didn't, I knew I'd go to his house and do something stupid. And even though he deserved a good old telling off, I didn't want to upset Kushina in her own home.

One thing relaxed me…

…Just one more time.

I left my room to see if Kankurou was in. The smoke drifting below his door was a good give away of his presence. "Kankurou," I called. We hadn't spoken since the night before, but this was important. If I didn't relax soon, I wouldn't sleep. And if I didn't get an early one on my nights off, I'd be too tired to perform, and then Baki would be the one getting angry. I entered when I heard him grunt.

He lay on his bed, one hand behind his head with the other dangling off the mattress with a spliff between his fingers. He sat up slightly on his elbows. "If you've come to start shouting again-"

"Actually," I interrupted, leaning on his doorframe. "I need some gear."

He moved his legs over the side of his bed. "There's no way I'm selling you cocaine. Do you have any idea what Temari would do to me if she found out?"

"Not that. Weed."

"Oh, that. Can't, I've already given all the packets to my mate." He tried to grin guiltily, but I saw no real guilt in that look.

I stared at him blankly. "I know you're good for it. Whatever you have I'll buy. You owe me for all the money you've stolen from me."

"Little brother, little brother, little brother."

"What?" If he kept shaking his head like that, I'd knock it off for him.

He grunted out a short laugh before smirking and rummaging through his drawer. "If you can't see it-" He tossed me a packet. "-then who am I to send you crashing back to earth?" He raised his hand when I offered him the money.

"Maybe you've had enough." I stared at the spliff in his hand. "You're beginning to talk shit."

"Perhaps. Just remember, if Temari finds out, you didn't get it from me."

"Whatever." I lifted the bag to eyelevel. "I'm going to need a grinder."

"Here." He tossed me his one. "And am I allowed to know the reason for this sudden interest in drugs?"

I turned to leave, but before shutting his door I answered. "Bad day at school." Which technically wasn't a lie. In fact, taking away the part where I didn't want to be tired for tomorrow evening and the bit about the argument based around the fact I was a prostitute, it had been a pretty crap day.

Temari was working the night shift at some superstore, so I knew smoking it in my room wasn't dangerous. Dad was only in the room beside mine, but I didn't care if he knew. Temari was the only person I was worried about. She'd been more of a parent to me than Dad ever had.

I twisted the small bag between my fingers before beginning to grind the buds.

Just this once… I thought as I sprinkled the grinded leaves into an *L-skin. I sparked the spliff and listened to the weed crackle as the cherry burned down with each toke. I'd have to open my window soon, I knew the smoke was just going to accumulate around my ceiling before drifting below my door like Kankurou's room, but I couldn't be arsed to move. I just sat against the wall, sucking back the drug and waiting for it to take its effect on me…

I didn't realize how long I'd been sitting against that wall. When the front door opened, snapping me back to reality, I gazed unsteadily around my room. The smoke was thick now, and when I looked down at the small bag Kankurou had given me, I noted it was empty. I tilted my head back to look at the swirls in my ceiling before hearing my bedroom door opening.

"Oh-Gaara." Temari didn't come in, she just stood in the doorway, shaking her head as the smoke drifted past her and into the hallway.

I pursed my lips, trying to look as clean as possible. "Hi." My voice cracked when I started laughing. My shoulders twitched slightly.

She didn't reply.

* * *

I can't begin to explain how boring school is without Naruto at my side. I thought after a few days to cool down he'd be back to normal, but he still wouldn't even look at me. When we shared a class he'd sit away from me, when I spoke to Shikamaru or Sasuke he'd walk away, and when I tried to reason with him, he'd ignore me.

After four days of this, I welcomed the weekend with open arms.

My school bag slipped on my shoulder as I adjusted it with a nudge. The damn strap was getting too big to stay up, I'd have to tighten it later. "I can't tonight," I said, deciding to hold the strap instead of trying to balance it on my shoulder. "I'm working."

"You're always working," Sasuke said, crossing his arms. He'd do that when he wasn't getting his own way, and I found it kind of cute - in a little kid sort of way. "What about tomorrow?"

"Sorry, I'm working then, too."

The raven-haired boy rolled his eyes toward Shikamaru before looking back at me. "Is this because Naruto's going to be there?"

Partly. "No, I really am working."

"Where do you work again?" Shikamaru asked, speaking for the first time since the two had caught up with me at the school gates.

"I didn't. I said I was a cleaner, I work everywhere."

He nodded. "And what's going on between Naruto and you?"

What was with all the interrogation lately? "We've just had a slight misunderstanding." One that Naruto had to get over.

"Misunderstanding?" Sasuke laughed. "It wasn't just some misunderstanding. I haven't seen him this pissed off at someone since, like, forever, and he won't tell me anything."

"He'd been in a mood for a few weeks, but that was nothing compared to now. He hasn't even mentioned your name." Shikamaru's head shook. "I don't understand it."

"You must've done something seriously bad, mate," Sasuke said, patting me on the back as his way of saying 'see you later'.

"What makes you think it's my fault?"

He shrugged, heading toward the black car that'd just pulled up to take him home. A suited man stepped out to open Sasuke's door for him. "Just sort it out." He got in and unwound the window. "He's too stubborn to be the first to apologise."

I snorted. There was no reason for me to apologise. I'd done nothing wrong, so why should I? If Naruto wanted to be immature about the situation, then I'd leave him to it. That was right, he could sulk all he wanted, I didn't care.

I nudged my head toward the car driving Sasuke home. "It's alright for some."

Shikamaru nodded. He didn't have a private car pick him up from school, either. He'd usually just call a taxi. "Why don't you take a ride home with me?" he asked, but it sounded more like a command.

"That's fine. I can walk."

I knew what was going to happen. Even before he'd talked me into grabbing a taxi with him, I knew he'd be digging his nose into something. He wouldn't have asked me to accompany him otherwise. And as I gazed out the window at passing buildings, I felt his beady little eyes looking me over. I could practically hear the cogs in his brain ticking over, trying to decipher and come up with conclusions.

I moved my chin from my palm to look at the pineapple-haired boy. "What?"

"I was just thinking-" That could never be a good thing. "-What happened to you and Naruto on Monday?" To hell was he 'just thinking', he'd probably been waiting for the right time to bring it up. I'd have to be careful, after finding out his father worked for Government Intelligence, I'd promised myself not to slip up with my words around this boy. "Neither of you turned up to class. And yet, I only saw Naruto jumping over the back wall from the classroom window."

He placed a hand to his chin in fake thought. I narrowed my eyes slightly, not enough for him to notice. He was trying to act dumb, hoping I'd stumble over my words and give him unspoken answers. No such luck. I wasn't stupid. "Sasuke said you two were fine just before class. It's strange." It wasn't strange at all. It was obvious something had happened between classes. He just wasn't saying it.

The best thing to say in this situation was nothing. So that's what I did. "Strange." I agreed with a nod of my head.

Shikamaru didn't like that. I could tell by the sudden drop in his posture - it was a tiny change, but noticeable when looking. "You know," he said. "Naruto had seemed kind of pissed off since that day he walked you home from the park."

"He had?" Why was I the only one not noticing Naruto's changes in mood? Perhaps I wasn't looking close enough. But that would mean I was a terrible friend.

"You hadn't noticed?"

"I've been busy." I tried to excuse myself.

"With work." Not a question; a statement.

I nodded slowly. "Yes."

Shikamaru smiled then. It wasn't a wide grin like Naruto's or a smirk like Sasuke's, it was a tiny tug at the lips. "This is your street, isn't it?"

I hadn't noticed the taxi slowing to a stop, and boy, was I glad to get out of that hot seat. "Yeah, this is me." I didn't wait for him to answer. "Bye."

I waved the taxi off, before stuffing my hands into my pockets and kicking at a few pebbles on the ground. Why had Naruto been pissed since the other weekend? We hadn't argued. I gazed up at the sky in thought. The only thing I could think of was when I interrupted him because a text came through. Thinking back, he had seemed a bit in a mood as he slammed the front door shut behind him.

What had we been talking about?

I couldn't remember, so it couldn't have been that important.

* * *

R&R.

I know I haven't updated in a while. I wrote this chapter weeks ago, so here it finally is. I know it's a bit shorter than the others, but hopefully I'll make up for that in the next one.

Thank you, everyone, for the lovely reviews so far.

**Silentz** - Thank you for such a great compliment. I hadn't realized that the style/feel to this story was different from my other work, but you're right. And yes, I do believe it has got something to do with that honest glimpse of life that everyone is forced to acknowledge eventually. X

* An L-Skin. Okay, basically, you get two rizlas, fold the edge of one into a triangle, lick, rip, stick to the other rizla, make the spliff and fold. That probably made no sense, but I have no idea how else to explain it.


	7. Living in a shell with no soul

...Living in a shell with no soul...

* * *

A misty haze filled the air when I got home. Kankurou sat in the living room, sucking on his toot, and he nodded in my direction when I sat opposite him on the floor. He opened his mouth and disappeared behind a cloud of smoke momentarily. Temari obviously wasn't home; she'd never let him smoke weed in the front room.

"Good day at school?" he asked, looking as interested as an Ethiopian would at an empty can of beans.

"Good enough," I answered, sniffing in the sweet smell.

He nodded a few times before digging through his pocket. "I got what you asked for." He pointed at the small bag he'd just tossed me. "That's good quality stuff there. How you could afford an ounce is beyond me. But I won't pry." The incident between us the other night remained unspoken about. Perhaps it was just an uncomfortable subject between us, or maybe this was what guys were supposed to do. We didn't talk about feelings - we let them eat away at us until we broke. Is that what people called the 'manly' thing to do?

"Cheers."

He snickered. "Well, isn't this nice. Wouldn't mum be proud of us, bonding like this." I glared at the way he'd spoken her name, almost as if contaminating it. I'm sure she'd be ecstatic… "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I watched him refill the down-pipe with tobacco and weed. It was a Friday, and even though I'd told Sasuke and Shikamaru that I was working, I wasn't for once. I had no bookings until tomorrow afternoon, which was strange. And just before Kankurou lit the pipe, I had a thought. It probably wasn't one of my smartest, but it was still an idea all the same. I hadn't had a hit for almost two days, I wasn't addicted to the stuff like my brother, but the smell was producing an itch I needed to scratch. "Pass me that," I said, extending my hand.

He lifted an eyebrow before handing over the toot. "You know what you're doing?"

How hard could it be? I'd seen him do it a hundred times. "Yes," I said, pulling a lighter from my pocket.

"Okay." He leaned back. "It's a harsh one. You're not going to like it."

"Don't tell me what I will and won't like."

He gestured for me to continue, so I put the flame to the down-pipe, placed my thumb over the hole and sucked until I'd popped it. I released the hole and took back the burst of smoke. My lungs tightened as if an imaginary hand had squeezed them, and the smoke flew from my mouth between each cough. My throat stung as the toxin came back up.

"Told you." I let him steal it away and leaned back against the sofa's footrest. Maybe I should've waited until I'd filled it myself, perhaps then I wouldn't have been so stitched up. "It'll come with practice. Anyway, do you think this is a good idea if you're working tonight?"

"I'm not," I said, feeling my head spin a little as cottonmouth set in. Damn, no wonder Kankurou preferred his toot to a joint. The hit from that thing was immense. "I've taken the night off."

"What about that blond annoyance, he don't mind you meeting up with him stoned, then?"

Naruto… "I'm not seeing him tonight, either."

"Why not?"

"None of your bloody business."

"Ah, I see," he mumbled. "You two have had a falling out. Yes, it's all coming together now." He chuckled.

"Fuck you. It's just a little misunderstanding."

"Right, so is this why you've been sulking all week?"

"I have not been sulking all week." I don't sulk. I brood. They're two completely different things.

He took a sip from the glass of water beside him on the table. "Why don't you just go and talk to him?"

"I don't need brotherly advice from you." I tried to glare, but my eyelids suddenly felt very heavy, so I gave up and decided to gaze around the floor, picking at loose thread in the dirty carpet instead. "He doesn't want to listen to me, anyway."

"When does anyone ever want to listen to you? But it doesn't usually stop you. Make him."

I supposed that was Kankurou's weird way of trying to act like a caring sibling. He may have been a prick about it, but he was right. If I cornered Naruto and made him listen to me, I'd be able to convince him that this whole situation wasn't a big deal. Convince him? No, that was the wrong word. That made it sound like there was a problem. I'd PROVE to him that this whole situation wasn't a big deal. I'd show him that I was still me; nothing had changed.

Because I hated this. I hated not speaking to him, I hated it when he walked past me without a second glance, and I hated not being with him all the time. He was my best friend, and I needed him in a way he probably wouldn't understand. He was like an extension of me. Without him I was nothing at all.

I sighed. He was going to that party with Shikamaru and Sasuke tonight, meaning he probably wouldn't be home again until the early hours of the morning. That was okay… I'd corner him then.

Until then… "Oi, don't hog that thing."

* * *

I'd made sure my head was clear before venturing out onto the dark streets of London alone. Turning up at Naruto's stoned would've been cause for another argument, and that's what I was trying to avoid. I flipped my hood up on my jacket and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Perhaps if I looked intimidating, I wouldn't get any shit while walking around at this hour in the morning. You wouldn't really find decent social circles on the street at 2am. The only people I'd probably run into were gangs trying to make themselves look big by carrying guns and knifes and threatening kids and little old ladies.

Once out the slums, I lowered my hood. No one was out in this part of London, they were all tucked up in bed, catching up on enough sleep so they could get up again in the morning for their well paid jobs. I half expected to see Naruto stumbling home, though. Lady Luck was never in my favour. Looked like I'd have to do this the old way.

When we were younger, Naruto used to sneak out at night a lot. Most nights I'd hear a little rap at my window where he'd climbed the drainpipe just to see me. One night, while I was helping him squeeze through my window by dragging him in by the arms, he'd lost his balance and collapsed on the floor with a thud. Temari had come crashing through my bedroom door to make sure I was all right, but by then he was already on top of me under my covers to hide his frame. Thinking back now, she probably knew he was there, I wasn't that fat. And the sly look on her face said more than her mouth had to.

Lucky for me, though, Naruto's bedroom window had a balcony, meaning no balancing on thin windowsills.

After hoisting myself up from his step's railings to his balcony, I tried peering through his window. The curtains were only half drawn, meaning I could just about make out his outline on the bed. I cupped my hands above my eyes and gazed through the glass.

There he was, chest rising and falling in a soft rhythm controlled by sleep. My hand lifted to knock, but just before my knuckles made contact, I decided to check the handle instead. I twisted and it clicked. There was no time for second guessing myself, I just hoped he didn't get me arrested for trespassing. Depending on his current mood toward me, it seemed like something he might do.

The balcony door clicked shut behind me. Now standing in the dark room, I could hear the faint breaths drawing from the blond boy. The moonlight shinning through the window only enhanced the angelic look in front of me. Being here while he looked so innocent only made me feel more tainted.

What was I doing? I shouldn't have been there, but before I had the chance to leave, he shifted onto his side. His tanned hand rested beside his face and he whispered in his sleep. But it wasn't the fact that he talked in his sleep that stopped me leaving; it was what he said. For a second, when he'd whispered my name, I thought he'd woken up and seen me. But he hadn't. He was still well and truly asleep, and his eyes were still well and truly closed.

Why my name? Had I really angered him so much that he was even dreaming about me now? The strong urge to just drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness took over as I watched his mouth move to form my name again. I shook my head. I wasn't here for that; I was here to explain things.

I crept closer to his bed and whispered his name while shaking his arm. I couldn't be too loud since I didn't want to alert his parents of my presence. He didn't budge.

"Naruto," I whispered again, shaking him harder. His body jiggled, but he didn't stir.

I knelt beside him and lifted a hand to place on his cheek. He was warm to the touch, and I felt a slight tingle slowly creep up my arm. "Naruto," I whispered again, leaning closer to his face. My thumb moved on its own and rubbed gently against his cheek before stroking back a few stray blond hairs from his face.

He stirred then. His eyes opened ever so slowly, but I could still see the hazy remnants of sleep invading his vision. His tanned hand moved to rest atop mine as his eyes closed again, and he sighed lightly.

"Naruto," I said a little louder. His breath didn't smell of alcohol. Perhaps he didn't go to the party, after all.

"I knew it was a dream," he mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Are you awake?" I pulled my hand back, and his arm went limp, falling back beside his face. He was obviously still asleep.

"I knew you wouldn't… do that to me."

"Do what to you?" I knew he was asleep, but still…

"I love you."

"What!"

I clamped a hand over my mouth, but at least I'd woken him. He shot up in bed. "What?"

"What the fuck were you dreaming about?"

He blinked a few times, and I watched as realisation set into those blue orbs of his. "What the fuck are you doing in my room?"

"Not being the one declaring love, that's for sure."

His features distorted into confusion. "Huh?"

I pointed at him accusingly. I wasn't going to be the one left looking like the idiot here. "You were talking in your sleep."

"I don't talk in my sleep."

"Yes you do. You were just—" I turned when footsteps moved across the hallway, and before I had the chance to squeak in shock, my wrist had been grabbed and I was underneath Naruto. I twisted my head to the side so his chest didn't crush my face and palmed my hands flat against his stomach. He was holding as much weight as he could on his arms without giving away he was awake by shaking from the strain. He slowed his breathing just as the door opened.

The person stood there a few seconds before I heard the door begin to close again. "Goodnight, boys."

Damn. Foiled.

"Night, mum."

"Night, Miss Namikaze." I waited until her footsteps disappeared before speaking again. "You can get off now, Casanova."

"Nah, I'm quite comfortable, actually." He flopped, dropping his weight and making me groan.

"Get. Off. You fat tub of lard." I attempted to lift him, and for a second I thought I'd succeeded, but soon realised he'd moved himself onto his hands and knees to peer down at me.

"Fat?" He whined in mock-hurt as blond hair dangled in front of his face. "Lard?"

I tilted my head back since my current line of vision was of his chest. "That _is_ what I said."

He moved to straddle my waist. "I'll have you know that this-" He slapped at his abs. "-Is well toned and defined muscle. You should feel honoured to have it crushing your face."

"I'd feel more honoured if you'd get off me." I shoved his arm while flipping my body over to knock him off. "Anyway, I'm not here to talk about your confessions of love to random people in your sleep or be crushed by your—" I lifted my hands to make quotation marks "—Well toned and defined muscles."

He rubbed his head. "Then why are you here?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" I answered my own question before his mouth got a chance to move. "You haven't spoken to me all week. You haven't even acknowledged my existence. For once, Naruto, we're going to talk about a problem. Not just sweep it under the carpet and hope it'll go away. Because this isn't going away… I'm not going away."

He lifted his alarm clock. "Can't this wait until the morning? It's almost three AM."

"No, this can't wait. Because in the morning you'll come up with some other excuse to avoid the conversation, then you'll go back to avoiding _me_."

"Gaara," his voice was almost as soft as it had been moments before in his sleep. "Please, I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to get angry with you again."

"You think I want this little chat? And you don't have to get angry, there's nothing to get angry about." I smiled to show him I was okay. "I'm fine. Nothing bad is going to happen to me, it's just a job."

Naruto shook his head. "I don't know how you do it. I've been thinking about this non-stop. I've been trying to understand, but every time I see you at school, I can't help imagining those men using you like… like… I don't know." He peered down at his hands and sighed. "All this time I thought you were straight. After leaving you in the classroom on Monday and calming down enough to realise that you were obviously bi or gay… I didn't know whether to feel angry… or-"

I chuckled when I noticed where he was heading with this. I didn't know he was homophobic, though. "You don't have to worry about that. I am straight. I guess you could say I'm gay for pay."

Naruto looked at me then, and for the first time in ages I was able to read the expression on his face. It had only been a quick glimpse, but he'd been unable to hide it behind his façade this time. Pain. I cleared my throat, not knowing what to say. He didn't have to be upset for me; I was fine with sleeping with guys for money. I was indifferent about it. "Hey," I said, remember the conversation with Shikamaru earlier. "You never told me what you were going to say the other day."

"When?" he asked.

"You know, just before you stormed out my house the other weekend."

"Oh, right, that."

"Well?"

He shook his head. "Trust me, it really doesn't matter anymore. Lucky escape really, considering."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Just ignore me." He let out a long drawn out sigh before folding his arms across his chest again. "So you just want to carry on as normal? Like nothing has happening?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know if I can do that. I mean, knowing what you do… it's just…"

"Naruto, I'm still me. I'm still the same boy who loves going to the beach, complains about everything, and-"

"Has an unusual obsession with fire engines."

"Exactly."

This conversation was going better than I'd imagined. I just hoped he wasn't only being reasonable because he was tired.

"How do you do it?" he asked, scooting over to lean against his headboard.

I shrugged. "I guess I just shut myself off. It's almost as if there's two of me."

"Two sides of a reflection… you're safe, right?"

"Yes, mother. I always use protection."

"It just annoys me, you know, that you're selling yourself cheap like this."

"Trust me, I'm not cheap." We caught each other's eyes, and I couldn't help it, but I burst out laughing. What amazed me the most was that he did the same.

"This really isn't funny," he said through sputters of laughter. "I have no idea why I'm laughing."

"Then why are you?" I asked while holding my sides.

"Because it's this or cry." And although he said it in such a humorous way, I think he was being one hundred percent serious. He was grinning now, but I couldn't help feeling he'd replaced his mask. If he wasn't faking the laughter and smiles, I think he'd actually be breaking down there and then.

* * *

Hmmm, pancakes. I thought sluggishly as I slowly began to wake up to the smell of Kushina's amazing breakfast-making skills. I could definitely get used to this.

I tried to move, but Naruto's arm was wound around my waist as his chest rested against my back. Damn him, I wasn't some sort of teddy bear. Since I kept him up so late, the least I could do was let him sleep a little longer. Besides, I didn't overly mind. As much as I'd deny it, even under threat of torture, I was comfortable. We hadn't fallen asleep like this, and his arm was the one around me, so I didn't have to worry about the awkwardness when he woke up. That was his problem.

I yawned, snuggling my head into the soft pillow. Even though we were skin on skin, it wasn't too hot or sticky, it felt just right. I was even enjoying the soft breaths on the back of my neck giving me goose bumps-

My eyes opened as a thought hit me. What was wrong with me? Was I so used to sharing beds with guys that I was even indifferent about being in my best friend's arms? I frowned. This was wrong. If I'd woken in this position a few months ago, I'd have freaked out and kicked him out the bed. I was laying here like his lover, and I felt completely hollow about it. No humiliation, no anger, no awkwardness, but neither did I feel loved, happiness or pleasure. There was just… nothing. A small part of me was even getting ready to go into Working Gaara mode. That was the part which scared me the most.

And yet, I didn't want to move.

"Your hair smells nice," Naruto mumbled in that groggy morning voice. He dug his nose deeper into my red locks and tightened his arm around me.

"Those pancakes smell nice," I said, turning my head to peer at him over my shoulder. "I've been laying here awake for almost an hour, I'm starving, and at this rate your dad's going to eat them all."

Man, what would his parents think if they walked in right now? Honestly, I didn't know what was wrong with us. Most guy's reactions in this situation would've been to flip out and grunt obscenities at each other – then decide to grab a crate of beers and watch some football just to counteract the 'sissiness' they'd just experienced.

"You've been laying here an hour? Why didn't you just get up?"

"Unless you haven't noticed, you're sort of pinning me to your chest." I poked his arm until he took it back. The sudden loss of warmth almost made me want to shiver, but instead I rolled over to face him. "You okay?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't start changing his mind about being all right with this situation.

"As okay as I'm going to be, I guess. There's obviously nothing I can say or do to stop you, so why bother?"

"I wish you wouldn't say it like that."

"Well, it's the truth. You know me, Gaara." He sat up, swivelling his legs over his side of the bed to stand. "I'm not one to beat around the bush." Then why did I feel as if that's exactly what he constantly did? He stretched. "Since you're already here, we'll grab a shower, get some munch and go meet the others." He flicked a bit of bed fluff from his shoulder as he walked around the bed to grab some towels. "At least Sasuke will get off my back now. 'What's going on?', 'Why aren't you two speaking?', 'Why won't you tell me?'."

His alarm clock read 11AM. "Actually," I said, sitting up. "I'm sort of… busy in a few hours. I'll have to go home soon to get ready for…"

"Work?"

"Uh… yeah."

Naruto reached into his cupboard for two towels, and I watched as his shoulder blades tightened. "Okay."

"You don't sound okay."

"I said okay, didn't I? What do you want, some sort of parade about it?"

"Naruto…"

He turned. "I'm sorry. I didn't… Here." He tossed me a towel. "You can grab the first shower so you can get something to eat quicker. Then when I'm done showering I'll walk you home."

"Aren't you having any breakfast?"

He shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

* * *

**Well, well, well.**

**Hands up if you think Naruto is actually okay about this. Yeah, it's kinda obvious that he's not. And even I want to slap Gaara around the head a few times with a two-by-four to knock some sense into him, and I'm writing the damn thing!**

**R&R**

**Ja ne**

**XxX**


	8. Everything you love will burn

**While reading through this fic, I realised a mistake that made me crack up laughing. 'Unfinished **_foot_** rotting on the surfaces'. Come on, why hadn't anyone mentioned that to me? Lol. Well, it's fixed now.**

* * *

Everything you love will burn up in the light

* * *

I didn't want to get ready for my next client in front of Naruto, but the stubborn arse, again, wouldn't get the hint and leave.

"You know," he said while popping a chip into his mouth. "I like that Iruka guy. He's alright." So much for not being hungry. I sat cross-legged on the floor, peering into the large mirror I'd taken from Temari's room. Perhaps it would be good for Naruto to see this. Maybe in some strange way it'd help him completely accept it.

"So you've said before." I wiped concealer on the dark circles around my eyes before flicking my lashes with Mascara. Every little helps.

"You want one?" He extended the greasy paper toward me.

"No. Thank you, but unlike you I have to eat that shit almost every day."

"Fair enough. More for me." He shrugged. "Hey, do these guys know your real name?"

The fine hairs on my neck stood on end. "Not exactly." What would he say if he knew the truth? God, I hoped he never found out. That would be a little hard to explain.

"Well, then, what do you call yourself?" He sat up. I didn't appreciate the greasy paper being stuck atop my pillow. "I bet it's something dirty and sexy."

"Okay, one, never say those two words again." I narrowed my eyes at him through the mirror. "Ever. And two, you're being a bit more open minded about this." Not that I was complaining. This Naruto was definitely better than the one who sulked and became snarky at the first mention of my job. Even if he did say cringe-worthy things.

"I'm trying." He laughed. "You actually have no idea how hard I'm trying to look past this. Anyway, so what do you call yourself?" I zipped up my new makeup bag and began playing with my hair. Naruto pouted at me through the mirror – like that look would work on me. "Tell me," he whined.

"No."

"Please?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Please. Please. Please. Is it embarrassing?" He grinned. "I bet it's something like… Anita Dickinme or Cox Ucker."

I turned from the mirror, but I'd already seen the look of horror on my face. "What! No."

He laughed. "Or Buck Nekkid."

"Naruto!"

"Or Dill Doe." I'm glad he found this amusing. Actually, he found this hysterical. His fingers clutched at his sides as he fell backward on my bed to laugh his arse off. "Or… Or… Or… Madame Dick-Itches."

I stood. "For the love of god, stop. Please."

"Okay. Okay." He calmed his breathing a little. "Dixie Normous."

"That does it!" I miscalculated my dive toward him. I hadn't meant to knock both of us off the other side of my bed, but that's where we ended up all the same. Me with my hands around his neck while he almost pissed himself laughing. "Die!" I practically screamed while shaking his neck. But I think my pathetic attempts at murdering him were only adding to his hysteria.

"Stop," he wheezed through laughter.

"Then stop laughing!"

"…never." He rolled onto his side, bringing me down with him, but I let go of his neck when he started messing with my hair. His arm wound around my neck, and he pulled my head forward to rest on his chest while he noogied me.

"Naruto, stop it!" I had to leave in less than ten minutes. I didn't have enough time to sort it out again.

"Say it."

"Ah. No, we're too old for this!" I smacked at his hands. "My hair!"

"Say it or I'll tickle you."

"Naruto!"

"Three—"

"Stop."

"Two—"

"Please."

"One." Soft fingers crept up my shirt to move around the sensitive skin until nerve endings went into spasm attacks.

I fell backwards, trying to escape the onslaught, but he followed me across the floor until I hit into the bed. "Uncle. Uncle. Uncle. Uncle. Uncle!" His grin appeared in front of me, and I smacked the side of his head before tilting mine back against my bed and sighing. "How messed up is it?" I didn't even want to look.

"Um." He lifted my head back up to inspect. "You might want to redo it."

"I hate you."

He dropped my head and it flopped back to rest against the bed again. "No you don't."

I pushed him away before standing to look in the mirror. "I do."

"Whatever." He lay back upon my bed to finish the few chips left within the wrappers. When he said my name, I ignored him while gluing my hair back into place with gel and hairspray. He threw a chip at me, and the yellow, cut potato landed on my carpet. "Oi, princess, I'm talking to you."

"What do you want?"

"What time are you getting back from, uh, work?"

"Why?"

I watched him through the reflection in the mirror as he shrugged and looked down at the empty chip paper. "I just thought maybe we could hang out. You know, like… there's this movie I want to see. Perhaps you'd want to go with me?"

He knew what that sounded like, right? I laughed. He was opening himself up to fire of teasing. Big time. This was going to be good, it'd teach him for taking the micky out of my 'name'. If I were lucky, he'd turn bright red and get angry at the absurdity of what I was about to say. I turned from the mirror to plaster a serious look on my face. "Naruto, are you asking me out on a date?"

"Huh? No, I was just… well…"

I dropped my face slightly to peer at him through my eyelashes as I walked toward him, hips swaying. "Naruto." I placed my hands on my mattress as I leaned in closer to his face. Two can play at this game - and I had a hell of a lot more experience. I was going to get him back for the other day when it looked like he was going to kiss me. His eyes grew as he leaned back slightly. "You can just ask me-" I gave him my best-practiced seductive look. "—If you want to take me out for the evening." Okay, bright red face I'd managed to produce onto his features. I leaned in closer until my head passed his so I could whisper into his ear. "Go on. I know you want to." I felt his gasp against the skin on my neck. My knee crept up until it was on the mattress so I could crawl toward him. He inched backward.

"Gaara…" His eyes flickered from one of my teal ones to the other. "What're you doing?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago." Why wasn't he flipping out at me yet? Oh well, it didn't matter, because I couldn't keep a straight face any longer, anyway. I snorted from effort of keeping the laughter in. His eyebrows creased slightly. "Man, you should've seen your face. You thought I was going to kiss you or something," I said, imitating his words from the other day.

He didn't answer as I slid off the bed to check the time on my phone. Baki was a little late. Maybe my phone was wrong. I hit it a few times to make sure it was still working.

"T..at .as cr…."

"What was that?" I moved the net from my window to check outside.

"I said, that was cruel."

I turned to see a shadow casting across his eyes as he looked down, bangs drooping. What was his problem? "Jesus, it was a joke. Don't start getting all stuffy about it. I didn't mean it."

He nodded. "I know you didn't."

"Then what's the problem?"

"That is the problem."

I wrinkled my nose. "You're not making any sense."

I watched as a ball of saliva slid his throat. He lifted his head to look at me. "You don't act like you used to. You're changing. The old Gaara never would've done something like that as a joke then brushed it off as if he'd said nothing more than hi."

"Hey, you did exactly the same thing to me the other day, and I didn't take offense to it."

"But I've always acted like that toward you… only you."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. Is that better?"

I'd never seen that look on Naruto's face before - the mixture between defeat and pity toward me. I didn't like it. "You just don't get it, do you?"

Now what was his bloody problem? "I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"

"More than I'd probably ever have."

A blue car caught my attention, and I pulled the net away from the window again to see Baki's car pulling up outside. "Can we talk about this later? I've got to go." I dropped the netting.

"…Sure."

I twisted my body to peer at myself in the mirror. "How do I look?"

Naruto was taller than I was. I already knew that, but when I saw him standing behind me through the mirror, I ceased moving to watch his head appear over mine in the reflection. "Beautiful."

"Great, cheers." I grabbed my keys from the side-table before reaching for my jacket and stuffing my arms through the holes.

"Aren't you nervous?"

"About what?"

"You're leaving this house to go and sleep with someone you don't know. Doesn't that phase you… not even in the slightest?"

Did it phase me? Probably not. Not anymore, anyway. Sex was sex, and money was money. At the end of the day, it was just my body. When I first started, I felt something slipping away, something important. But I didn't feel that disappearing effect anymore… Perhaps whatever it was, it was already gone. I shook my head.

"This isn't right. You should be feeling at least something. No one's that dead inside. I know I couldn't do what you're doing without feeling my soul and spirit slipping away."

What was that supposed to mean? "I'm sorry, but there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. It's only sex."

"Only sex? Gaara, you're selling a part of yourself that shouldn't be sold." He touched my shoulders as if that would grind some 'sense' into me. "You shouldn't be letting just anyone touch you. You're not that hollow inside, I know you're not."

"Who said I was?" I stepped backward so his arms would drop. "Naruto, I've got to go. Which means so do you." I opened the door.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Don't do this."

"Naruto, this isn't the time." I warned. This wasn't the time for his conscience to kick back into action. I had to leave for a booking. I opened the door farther so he'd take the hint, but even when I gestured toward the hallway, he didn't move. I knew he wouldn't. His lips set into a firm line.

"I can't let you do this to yourself, Gaara."

I sighed through my nose. "Naruto, nothing is going to happen. I'm fine. We've talked about this."

"I know. And I know I said I was okay with this but I'm not." His fingers moved to sweep across my arm before circling my wrist. I watched his knuckles as they twitched against my skin. And I probably knew that he wouldn't be able to handle this, but at that moment all I could think about was how childish he was being. A car horn beeped - Baki was waiting. I had to go. "It's just not right… you're worth more than this."

"Yeah?" I jolted my arm away from him. "How do you know this isn't exactly what I'm worth? At least this time I'm getting paid for it." My mouth moved before my head had time to tick over. I shut my eyelids, but opened them again when childhood memories passed through my mind. "Naruto, I have to go."

"What did you mean by that?"

"If you're not going to leave, then you'll be staying here alone, because I'm going." I'd barely managed to make it into the hallway before being pulled back into my room. He hadn't used a lot of force, but it was enough to take control over my limbs. Something was wrong, because there was no way that little pull should've left me flying back so quickly that I'd bang into him and trip over his feet.

"Are you okay?" He helped me up, and the room spun. I rubbed at my head and blinked a few times. "Have you weighed yourself lately?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Gaara, you're practically anorexic. And if you're…" When he trailed off, I moved my head to see what he was gazing at so hard. "What's that?" I quickly grabbed it and stuffed it back into my pocket from where it must've fallen out when I'd fell. "What the fuck was that?"

I fiddled with the packet in my pocket. "You obviously know what it was, so why bother asking?"

"I don't believe this. You're a druggy as well?"

"Do I look like a druggy to you?"

"Do you want me to answer that honestly, because you haven't been looking too great lately?" he bit.

"It just helps take the edge off."

"What's happening to you? You know what, forget it. All we've been doing is going around and around in circles. I am not all right with this. I am never going to _be_ all right with this. And I can't believe you think there's nothing wrong with this." He pushed past me—"Call me when you've come to your senses, but until then, I don't even want to look at you." –And slammed my bedroom door.

He wasn't just sulking this time. I knew he was being serious… and he'd just… left me.

My eye twitched. Fuck him. "Fine." I shouted. "I don't need you." I threw my bedroom lamp at the door and it shattered into a thousand pieces. My face twisted and distorted in the reflection of the shards on the floor, and my voice dropped as the next few words were whispered. "I don't need anyone."

* * *

Even with my dolled-up face and fashionable clothes clinging to my body, I didn't look right. I gazed at my reflection in the side-mirror of Baki's car and could see the refined bags under my eyes. I could feel my ribs poking through the shirt on my chest. Did I look desirable? Honest answer, no. I knew that. But I guessed that didn't matter to the punters.

Or so I thought. Angelic looking boy I no longer was. What stared back at me now was someone who hadn't been there before.

"Are you sure this is the place?" I asked the older man beside me as he pulled up to a house and shut off his engine. This wasn't what I was used to. Upscale houses and men who wore suits during the day for their high-paying jobs were my clients. Not a place like this.

Street lamps had long since been smashed, leaving the roads hollow in their eerie darkness. Litter blew across the ground, bunching up in corners of the road.

I didn't like this.

"This is the place," Baki said. "Number ninety-three. He's waiting for you." I knew he could see the uneasy look on my face, that's why he answered the question before it left my mouth. "There's been no calls from your regulars. One even got in contact to complain about you smelling of weed last time he saw you." He looked at me then, and the hairs on the back of my neck found a mind of their own as they stood to attention. "You're not what they're looking for anymore. I suppose this is your clientele range now. Be a good boy and show this one a good time. We can't afford to lose anyone else. I've already had to drop your price to almost half."

"What?"

"Get yourself back to the way you were before, and they might consider seeing you again. You're slipping, Gaara. And it's starting to become a bit obvious."

With lack of anything else to say, I shook my head. The argument with Naruto was still fresh, and seeing this place helped me make my mind up about today. "I don't feel too good," I said, hoping he'd show the slightest bit of sympathy toward me. "Maybe today isn't such a great idea. I'll take a few days off to get myself healthy, and we can start again next week."

His response was to press the button to my seatbelt. It shot up, almost hitting me in the face as the seat reeled it in. "You'll be okay."

My mouth opened, but no words escaped.

"You'll be okay," he repeated as he egged me to hurry up and leave the safety of the car.

"I think I'm going to take today off," I said. "You can just tell him I'm feeling under the weather?" I'd meant it as a statement, but somehow it came out sounding more like a question. But whichever one it had been, he'd still have had his own answer to what I'd said.

He pulled something from his pocket and placed it in my hand. "Take that," he said as I stared at the white pill. "It'll make you feel better."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing serious. It's just to chill you out a bit. Be a good little boy and take it for me, okay?"

I knew there was no arguing, so I slipped it into my mouth. But I didn't swallow. I held it under my tongue and opened my mouth to show it was gone. It wasn't until I'd left the car that I spat it out and buried it into my jean's pocket.

Before knocking on number ninety-three. I turned to look at Baki. I wasn't sure why I'd done it. Perhaps for a little reassurance, but none was shown. He wasn't even looking my direction. He'd pulled a magazine out and was flipping through the pages as if he were nonchalantly waiting for someone to arrive.

I hadn't felt this uneasy chill run through my body since I was ten years of age and hiding under my bed in my uncle's house. This horrible feeling. The one when you know something isn't right, but there was nothing you could do to stop it. Back then I didn't understand, right now I did. Deep down I probably knew I didn't have to do this, I could've walked away. But there was a strange hold over me. One I knew I couldn't break free from.

I knocked. A bolt slid from the inside and the door opened.

Smile. Always smile.

You're in control…

I stepped inside.

"Hi, I'm—" He was drunk. "—Naruto."

"Right," he said, wiping his mouth after taking another swig of beer. He dropped the glass into an overflowing bin and wrapped one arm around me to drunkenly fumble with my arse. His breath stunk of alcohol. My back collided with the front door when he forced me against it.

I winced. "Have you got a bathroom I could use?"

"Why?"

"I have to call my—" The handle jabbed into my skin. "—Driver. Oh, and perhaps we should get the paperwork out the way first."

"The what?"

"The money," I stated bluntly.

"Right," he mumbled while fishing through his back pocket. He pulled out a few notes and handed them to me.

I flipped through them to count. One-hundred pounds. "Where's the rest of it?" I asked.

"That's what your owner said," he slurred.

Owner? "No, I'm sorry." I wasn't sleeping with some drunkard for one-hundred pounds. "Listen," I said, holding the money back out to him. "This is a mistake. I'm sorry for wasting your time, but I shouldn't even be working today. I'm not feeling very well."

He didn't take it. "That's the amount he said. Get upstairs." He pulled me by the wrist and the notes floated to the floor.

"Stupid fucking whore. Pick it up." He held the door when I went to twist the handle to get out.

Red lights were flashing through my mind. Get out! My brain screamed. "I— I'm just going to go use your bathroom." I bolted from the hallway, and ran upstairs to find the washroom. I ignored his shouts for me to come back and locked myself in the room. I gripped at the washbasin before running pale fingers through my hair. When my mobile phone rang, I quickly answered.

"Have you got the money yet?" Baki asked.

The man outside the room banged on the door, making me jump. "He's drunk," I said, gripping the phone with both hands. I carried on stepping backward from the bathroom door as the man outside banged and yelled at me to get out. I stepped into the tub and crouched to sit in the empty bath. Even when I pulled the shower curtain around the tub for a strange sense of security, I didn't feel any safer. "I don't like this, Baki. I want you to get me out of here."

"You'll be okay. Did you get the money?"

"Why do you keep telling me that? I'm not okay. I don't like this." Why wasn't he listening to me? "You're supposed to be my security as well as driver. Come and protect me!" I said, getting desperate.

"It's only an hour. You're not coming out of there until you've done your job."

He hung up.

I didn't remove the phone from my ear at first. It took me a few minutes to collect myself enough to know I was trapped. I wanted to shout. I wanted to throw my mobile at the wall, climb out the window and run home. But I knew that wasn't an option.

An idea passed through my head.

I took the phone from my ear and scrolled down my phonebook until I'd reached Naruto's name. But just before calling, a part of me stopped myself. I couldn't prove him right. I couldn't ask Naruto for help and prove that everything he said was true. This was my problem, and I was going to deal with it the only way I knew how.

I took a deep breath before digging through my pocket.

The white pill sat in my hand for a few seconds. Me just staring at it while I made up my mind. Baki said it would chill me out.

I closed my eyes and threw it down my neck.

* * *

**Another Chapter down. This one took me a while to write since I've been busy sorting out university forms.**

**Please review. I love hearing what people think about my fics.**

**Thank you.**

**XxX**


	9. The countdown begins to destroy

The countdown begins to destroy

* * *

Out of bed by 4pm. I'm needed for another booking at 6pm.

One good thing came out of taking that pill last night. After leaving the bathroom, the whole thing became one big blur of movements and colours. The negatives were my headache – I peered at my reflection in the bathroom mirror – and the bruise on my cheek that I couldn't recollect getting. I grazed the purplish skin with my fingers. Baki wasn't going to like that. I didn't even know if foundation and concealer would cover it.

After a quick shower, I disappeared into my room to roll and spark up a joint. I opened my window to release some of the smell and changed into my gear for the evening. I applied makeup and hoisted myself up to sit on my windowsill. Naruto hadn't called or text me, and to be honest, I wasn't surprised. I doubted he'd even look at me until I was ready to beg at his feet for forgiveness.

I snorted and sparked up another joint. Like I'd do that. Naruto had a long wait if that's what he wanted.

When Baki pulled up outside, he didn't mention the blemish on my face, so I supposed I'd hidden it well enough. I didn't even bother sighing when we pulled up beside another broken down looking house in a messed up neighbourhood. I just stared out the window, trying to remember why I was doing this.

"There's something a bit different about this booking," Baki said, catching my attention. I tilted my head in his direction and waited for him to continue. "This place isn't how it looks." Again I remained silent for him to get to the point and finish. "Don't look at me like that, Gaara." The back of his fingers swept across my jawbone, and I didn't blink. "You're still my special little boy." I really wished he wouldn't say that. He nodded toward a house with boarded windows. "That's not a normal house. You see," he said, leaning closer and putting a hand on my knee. "You'll be working with someone today, and you won't have to sleep with anyone." I surprised myself with how wide my eyes became. I didn't have to sleep with anyone? I even think a small smile tugged at my lips.

Baki breathed a short laugh through his nose. "Doesn't look like an underground club, does it?"

"A what?" I asked, chirping up for the first time since entering the car.

"Like I said, you'll be working with someone else tonight. You'll be told your role when you get in there. Knock three times. The password is jitterbug. Let them know who you are, your fake name, of course. Do you understand?"

Did I understand? No, not really. I was actually completely and utterly confused. But I nodded, anyway.

"Hey, you never know. You might even prefer this sort of work. We'll see how it goes. Go on now, have fun, and I'll be waiting out here when you've finished your shift." Have fun? How patronising.

And with that I was knocking on a door with no number. I fiddled with a loose thread on my shirt and a piece of wood in the door slid open, revealing a pair of dark eyes. "Password."

"Uh… Jitterbug?" I said, sounding a little unsure of myself.

"Name?" Came the rough voice again.

"Naruto."

The sound of metal sliding against metal came from within the house, and the door opened. When entering, all I could smell was cigarette smoke and all I could see was a set of steps descending downwards. A green glow faded downwards. I turned to look at the doorman.

"Cute one, you are," he said. "Dressing room's downstairs to the left, let them know who you are."

"Dressing room?" I mumbled, but he didn't answer. The door was already being knocked on again, so I slowly crept down the steps. I felt like I'd just entered some gangster movie. Down here the thumping of music could be heard as it vibrated through the air, coming from somewhere. I turned left at the bottom, but found nothing but an unlit hallway. "Damn it," I whispered. I didn't like this. Hell, I liked this less than yesterday.

I stepped back, bumping into the chest of a man who easily towered over me. A black bondage mask stretched across his face, and a black leather collar with studs hung around his neck. To say I yelped in shock would've been the understatement of the year. I practically screamed, arms flying up to shield my face against an attack I was sure would come. But it didn't. I peeked through my fingers, and lowered the leg I'd extended in a shameful attempt of defence.

"Are you alright there?" The man asked, humour obvious from the sound of his voice.

I remained mute.

"You're a little young to be here, aren't you?" He pulled a clipboard from behind his back. "Whose party are you with tonight?"

I swallowed, trying to calm the heart that was trying to abandon me by breaking through my ribcage. "I—I don't know."

"You don't know?" I couldn't see his face through the shiny plastic, but I could tell he was probably raising an eyebrow. "Well, who are you here with?"

I looked around the empty hallway and shrugged.

"What's your name?"

"Ga—Naruto," I mumbled, catching myself before making a big mistake and giving away my real identity. Big rule there; never give your real name. Not if you want to remain anonymous.

"Oh, okay. That makes more sense. You alright, kid, you look on the verge of a heart attack?" I nodded. "Good, you don't look okay, though. You look kinda young, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. No one's forcing you, you could walk out right now."

"I can?" I could? Yeah, sure, I could walk out, but then what would I say to Baki? It's not like I could hide from him. He knew where I lived.

"Well, yeah, kid. Did you want to go? I'll let you back out?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I've just never…"

"Ah, I see. First night on the job?" He laughed, and I could tell he was probably grinning at me without malice, but he just looked so evil in that slave/master getup. I nodded. "You'll be fine. I'll take you to your partner for the night. He'll be able to explain how things work better than I could." He directed me down the corridor. "I'm Sumo, by the way, if there's anything you need then just let me know. Here's the room."

"Um. Thanks," I said as his knuckled tapped on the wood.

"No problem, you'll be fine, kid." He patted my shoulder, making shackles around his wrist clank together, before turning to head back down the way we'd came.

I shook my head. This is just too weird, I thought as I watched Sumo walk away, and I barely even registered the small voice coming from the other side of the door. I think it said to come in, so I pushed open the door to the dressing room.

My eye twitched. I was officially standing in some flamboyant boutique. A large mirror with lights around its outside hung in front of a cabinet clustered with makeup, and clothes were strewn all over the small room. Someone seriously had to explain to me what was going on, because at that point I was beginning to think Baki had set me up to be in some porn movie, and that's where I crossed the line. No fucking way. I was out of there, full stop.

"I'm guessing you're Naruto." A boy no older looking than me stood from a stool he'd occupied while running mascara over his eyelashes. His black hair lay flat against his head and he smiled in a way that gave across no emotion. Even the tilt of his head and shut eyes screamed fake as his lips moved to form a grin.

"Uh, yeah," I said, watching as he strolled toward me. I turned my head slightly as he peered close to my face. This guy didn't understand personal space, obviously.

"I'm Sai," he said, lifting my arm to gaze blankly at my clothes. "I hope you're not planning on wearing that."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"You look like a prostitute." Again that fake smile was on his pale face, making me want to smack it off.

I actually had nothing to say to that. My mouth opened and closed a few times, but the words I finally decided to settle with were: "Well, yeah…" What else was I supposed to look like?

Sai tutted a few times. "Come," he ordered, and for some reason I actually followed him as he took me into a walk-in wardrobe. "No offence," he said, scanning through hangers with small flicks of his wrist, "But I'm not performing with someone who looks like a cheap curb-crawler."

"Excuse me?" I'd known this guy less than a minute, and I already couldn't stand him or his bland voice. "Oi, I'm talking to you. I'm not some cheap—"

"This would suit you," he said, pulling out a shirt and holding it up to me. Or at least I think it was a shirt… "That means I'd have to get changed, though." He pondered for a moment as he dropped the shirt-thing into my hands. "I have an idea." His eyes ran up and down my body. "Usually I'd take on the submissive role, but I guess in this case I'd have to take the dominant one. Not that I mind. It'd make a nice change."

That did it. "Could you please explain to me what this place is?" Because if I had to sleep with this guy, then there was no way I'd be the sub to him. Stupid arsehole.

He paused. "You don't know?"

"Would I ask if I did?"

"I suppose not. Okay." His face lit up with another grin that made me want to punch him square in the nose. "What do you think this place is?"

"I don't know. But I'm guessing we're sleeping together?"

He chuckled then. It wasn't a laugh of humour. It sounded empty, but not forced. Almost as if he'd chuckled just because he assumed most people would in that situation – his mechanical reactions screamed artificial; almost like a robot. "You'd be so lucky."

"What!" Son of a bitch. "I'll have you know—"

"Get changed," he said, digging back through the clothes and throwing a pair of shorts at me. "We're just performers. No intercourse or oral is needed. Just follow my lead, it'd be easier since you're the sub in this situation, anyway."

Performers? Well, this was new. I peered down at the clothes in my hand. The black, shiny shirt zipped up at the front, and the dark brown shorts were almost tight enough to cut off circulation. After changing, I stood in front of the mirror. What the hell was I wearing? I glared at my own reflection while tugging at the clothes. This was too much.

"Catch," Sai called, popping his head out from the wardrobe.

I twisted my body just in time to grab hold of the collar flying through the air. I pulled at the chain connected to the neckpiece. "No," I stated blankly. No way in hell.

Sai exited the wardrobe, no longer wearing the skimpy clothes he was in when I'd arrived. He now wore a pair of black, shiny trousers that weren't too tight and what looked like two belts criss-crossing his chest with a metal circle in the middle. He took the chain and collar from my hands. "It goes with the territory."

"Then change the territory," I said, glaring at his blank eyes.

"You're going to be fun to play with." He tilted his head and smiled.

Bring back the drunken punter, I swear I'll never complain again. I thought of the bruise on my cheek and the blurry memories. Okay, perhaps this wasn't as bad as that… yet.

A hand waved in front of my face. "Stop spacing out on me… and that bruise on your cheek is beginning to show. Let me." He picked up a makeup bag, pulled out some fluffy looking pillow and dabbed it on my face. "Perfect. All we need now is the collar."

"I'm not wearing it."

"It's just a collar. I've worn it before."

"I don't care!"

"There's worse things I could make you wear."

I tugged at the shorts. "Don't you think this is bad enough?"

"Fine." He stepped past me.

"Fine?" That was a little too easy.

"I'll just wait until we're in the cage." He left.

"Cage?" I whispered to the empty room. "Hey, Sai! What cage?"

* * *

I followed Sai through the dark corridor until we'd entered a next to empty room. Two guys adorning black masks stood next to cloth covered boxes, I thought one of them might have been Sumo, but it was impossible to know who was who until they spoke.

"You alright now, kid?" Yeah, one of them was Sumo. "You look a bit less freaked."

"Yeah, my feet are starting to go numb through loss of circulation." I tugged at the shorts again, "But apart from that I'm fine."

His deep laugh echoed around the empty room, and I looked at the large cloth covered boxes. "You'll be just fine." He patted the box closest to us and pulled off the deep red cloth. "Your carriage awaits." That was no box… I probably don't have to fill you in with what it really was. Sumo unlatched one of the iron bars and held his hand out to help Sai climb inside. I don't know why, but compared to what I'd been doing over the last couple of weeks, I found this kind of amusing. And the fact I was surrounded by other sex workers – prozzies or performers – made me feel a bit more secure. Almost as if this was more legit. "Come on, Naruto, hop on." I held his hand while climbing up, and turned to watch him latch the door back up. "Hold on tight, boys." Sumo unwound a chain from the wall and the two men in the room pulled.

The cage wobbled, and I held onto the bars to keep myself from falling over. "What's going on?" I asked Sai, who was leaning against the iron as if nothing was happening.

"We're going to be main floor." He tilted his head upward, and the cage began to rise through the ceiling.

"Have fun," Sumo called just as the cage broke through a flap. A few seconds later we were emerging through the floor of the club above us. Music thumped, making the bars vibrate beneath my fingers and multicoloured lights cut through the dark like knives as people danced on the floor. I noticed other cages around the ceiling with performers inside. Once we were at their height, the cage locked into place.

This was… was… well, I had no words to describe it. Around the room were higher stages of the club - VIP areas with plush sofas and private bars.

Sai tapped my shoulder, and he didn't bother saying anything since I wouldn't have heard him anyway, but he held up the damn collar again. I criss-crossed my arms while shaking my head no. I narrowed my eyes at the look he gave me and mouthed 'No', just so he'd get the hint. But that didn't matter, because moments later he had me up against the bars with one arm bent backwards. I struggled against his grip, but bloody hell he was strong. The collar was in place within seconds and he stepped back to admire his work.

"I hate you," I shouted over the music, but we were so close to the speakers I couldn't even hear myself, so expecting him to hear me would've been pointless. He just shrugged and smiled, keeping hold of the leash so he knew I couldn't take it off again.

I didn't really know what was expected of me now, so I took quick peeks at the other cages through the flashing lights. When neon greens, yellows, reds and blues sliced through the iron bars, I was able to see the dancing bodies within the cages. But there weren't just guys. There were cages with hetro and gay couples. I guessed all preferences were taken into account here.

The leash was pulled, yanking at the collar and making me fall into Sai. One of my legs was lifted, and I was pushed into the bars as his hand ran down my leg. He gave me a look as if to say 'work with me here', then nudged his head toward the closest VIP section. A group of older men in suits sat on the plush sofa, sipping on cocktails. Now I understood. We were being watched.

Show time.

After sleeping with old, fat and ugly men, Working Gaara was going to enjoy this. I closed my eyes, letting a sigh out through my nose, and when my eyes reopened I was ready to work. I think Sai could read the changed look on my face because he nodded and pulled at the chain again while holding my hips close to his. We gyrated to the music as he took on his dominant role and I submitted to my own.

I can't say I hated the whole experience. It was definitely better than what I was used to, and I didn't let Sai dominate over me easily. I gave him a good run for his money, and at one point I couldn't help laughing while I held him captured against the bars by looping the collar's leash around his wrists.

A few hours later, the dance floor below us began to empty out and the cage wobbled as we sank back through the floor. Sumo was there again to help us out, and I almost fell over when I hit stable ground. My legs were like jelly after almost four hours of dancing.

"Not bad," Sai said once we were back in the dressing room. I removed the collar from my neck and lobbed it in a box full of chains in the wardrobe. "Pleasant surprise, actually. Most new boys don't have a clue what they're doing." He wiped at his face with makeup remover as I changed back into my other clothes. "By the way, what happened to your cheek?"

"I had a fight with a door and lost," I mumbled, zipping up my jeans.

"That must've been some door."

"Hn."

He looked at me through the mirror. "Bad punter, hey?"

"Yeah."

He stood to change into his own pair of jeans. "Don't worry about it. It happens." He removed the belt getup from his chest. "See this scar?" A thin, red line stained his stomach. "I used to be a call boy, too. Gave it up after getting stabbed and left for dead in an alley. Seventy-five stitches this thing took."

"Sorry." That must've been awful. I couldn't even imagine that happening. In a way I was lucky to have Baki waiting for me outside each client's house. And there was me worried about seeing some drunken guy. God, I was so stupid. No wonder Baki didn't think much of it. Perhaps that was normal in this line of work? I didn't know.

"Don't be. Like I said," he pulled a black and white shirt over his head. "It happens. Getting attacked this badly is very rare. You live and learn."

"I guess."

"Come on." He nudged me while walking past and turning off the light. "What're you doing now?"

I shrugged. "Going home. My driver's waiting."

"It's only eleven, it's too early to go home." We collected our money from the doorman. Four hundred. Not bad for not sleeping with anyone. "I'm moving onto another club. Pleasure, not business, of course." That smile of his was beginning to grow on me. I didn't believe it was fake anymore. It seemed to be the only way he knew how to communicate friendliness. I didn't think he could help it.

"Can't. I have school tomorrow."

His head snapped toward me. "School? How old are you?"

Fuck. "Sixteen."

"Sixteen? Wow. You're starting young. I can't talk, though, I started when I was seventeen."

"How old are you now?" I asked as we stepped out into the frosty night air. My breath transformed into clouds of white as I spoke.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to ask someone's age?"

"But you just asked mine."

He paused to pull on his jacket. "Touché. I'm twenty." He nudged his head toward Baki's car. "That your ride?" I nodded. "Go give him whatever percentage he takes and head out with me. I'll make sure you get home in time for school."

I was going to be tired tomorrow. But perhaps hanging out with someone who knew the industry would do me some good. It'd be nice to talk and unload some things instead of keeping them all bottled up. I felt so isolated.

Baki didn't seem too bothered when I told him I wasn't going home. He took his percentage and started his engine before disappearing around the corner in his blue escort.

* * *

I followed Sai to Soho – London's biggest club district. Every street we walked down was full of muffled music and drunkards stumbling around shouting. Suddenly I felt a bit unsure about this. I mean, I wasn't even old enough to get into a club. I had no fake ID, either. But luckily that didn't seem to matter. We stopped at one backstreet club, skipped the line and went straight to the door.

The bouncer took one look at Sai and smirked. "Not working tonight, stunted?"

"Actually, I just finished."

"Fancy making a bit extra?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Sai's reaction was to just roll his eyes dismissively at the older man's antics.

"You know I don't do that anymore."

The bouncer placed a hand over the ear-piece dangling by a wire and spoke to whoever was on the other side of the line. He turned to look at me when he'd finished, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what he was about to ask. "What about your little friend here?"

"He's just clocked off as well. Maybe next time."

"Shame." He lifted the bar. "No trouble tonight, understand?"

"Yes, sir." Sai smiled, and even though it looked just like all his other's, I could tell there was sarcasm behind it.

The club was very similar to the one we'd just left, minus the dancers dangling from cages on the ceiling. The music and lights were almost identical, though. "Why'd he call you stunted?" I shouted as we sat at the bar. Compared to the other place, the music here was a lot quieter.

"It's my nickname. Apparently I've become emotionally stunted since starting this job, so that's what people in the industry call me." He took a swig at the cider he'd ordered. "I myself can't see it." Was he kidding me? Everything he said and did was so monotonous. "Follow me." He stood, and I trailed behind him through the dancing bodies and into the bathroom. The once white walls were grimy with thick dirt, and people stood around the stalls talking and smoking. For a moment I wondered why he needed me to accompany him while he took a piss, but it didn't take long to realise what we were really there for.

"Stunted." A man, probably in his early twenties, nodded toward us. Red triangles had been tattooed into his face and his wild hair gave him an unruly look. He leaned against the wall, not caring that the dirt was transfering onto his long jacket. "Nice to see you againg. What can I do for you two today?"

"Quit the formalities, Kiba," Sai said, pulling out a lump of cash from his pocket. "You know what I want."

"Straight to the point as always. Ever thought of asking me how I've been?"

"Okay. How many times have you been arrested this week?"

Kiba ruffled his messy hair and rubbed at his nose. "Only once. But that wasn't for possession." He sounded mighty proud of his abilities to stay out of a jail cell for a week - even if he had been arrested once.

"That's wonderful." Something was passed into Sai's hand, and within a split second the money was gone. "I'm a little surprised you're still here while Asuma's at the door. You know what he's like about this stuff while he's on duty."

Kiba shrugged. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him... or me." He said after a second's thought. "And besides, it's supply and demand. If people like you didn't keep coming to me here, then I wouldn't set up shop here." He winked. "We all have to make a living. You know that better than most."

"Hn. This is Naruto, by the way," he said, introducing me to the dealer.

"Alright, red?"

"Fine." I'm sure I recognised this guy. But if he recognised me, then he didn't let it show.

We waited until a stall was available and Sai quickly pulled me inside before someone else could occupy the cramped space. The lid was lowered and the black-haired twenty-year-old unfolded a wrapper, placing it on the top of the toilet's system. I knew what the white powdery substance was straight away. This was the shit Kankurou sold, not even he was stupid enough to take it himself.

The music from the club momentarily became louder as the bathroom door opened, and I rubbed at my arm as the room vibrations disappeared again.

"You done this before, right?" Sai asked as he cut it with a phone card that'd been left on the lid. He folded up a piece of paper into a tube shape.

"No, I don't do that shit. It fucks with your head."

"Yeah, that's the point." He gazed blankly and passed me the tube of paper. "One hit isn't going to kill you. I'll give you a small one."

"I don't know."

"Look." He cut the powder into a very thin line. "That's barely even going to give you a buzz. Give it a try, you might like it."

My eyes travelled between him and the line of cocaine atop the toilet system. It would be nice to forget about everything for a while. For a moment I wouldn't have to worry about Naruto or Baki or anything else going on. Okay, just this once. I gripped the paper before bringing it down to the line of powder and sniffing it through my nose.

* * *

**Wow. Longest chapter so far.**

**Oh, Gaara. What're you doing? Lol. I had fun writing this one. I thought this fic needed a bit of a light-hearted chapter, but at the same time being a huge milestone in Gaara's emotional descent. **

**Nothing worse than a pinch of peer pressure added to the mixture of prostitution, traumatic childhood memories beginning to very subtly resurface, losing your best friend and being held emotionally captive by drugs and a pimp.**

**Okay, Review if you enjoyed it. I always love reading them. It drives me to write faster when I know people are enjoying my work ^^.**

**I don't know when the next update will be. I'm moving to the other side of England next Sunday to start university, so this week I'm going to be busy packing and saying goodbye to friends.**

**XX**


	10. So what if you can see the darker side

So what if you can see the darker side of me

* * *

The stale reek of rotting food and cigarette butts was what I awoke to the next morning. I lifted my head minutely from the itchy fabric of a sofa cushion and peered around the unfamiliar room with one squinting eye. It took all but ten seconds to remember where I was. I felt like I'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson, and the boxer must've finished me off with one final punch to the nose. Because the small feature on my face was throbbing. I needed a bath, too. It felt as if thousands of bugs were crawling around my skin, stomping dirt between the pores with their tiny feet.

While still in the hazy remnants of sleep, I gazed around the room through half-lidded eyes and pointed out each and every aspect that I didn't want to become part of me as it had Sai. I should've been at home, waking up in my own bed and getting ready for another day at school with Naruto. I wondered what it'd be like outside the sphere that I called my life looking in, not standing alone within this sinking bubble. Would I be banging on the soundproof glass, screaming for sanity, or would I have turned my back on myself long ago?

I shook my head as if to clear it from the fuzzy haze that danced around my brain. Scratching at my bare chest, I lifted myself from the sofa and peeled a food wrapper from my stomach. The walls were grey with graffiti tags scrawled across the old paper, and I kicked at an old, crushed beer can that lay at my feet.

"Quit being so noisy." I gazed left to search out where Sai's voice had travelled from. I found him nestled in the corner with a frayed blanket covering his small form. He looked kind of pitiful with his pale skin and body structure that resembled that of a ten-year-old. Sure he was taller, but he was drastically under weight. I pulled my phone from my pocket. Good, I still had time to get ready and go to school. Sai opened his eyes to blink at me through the early morning light streaming in from ripped curtains. "What time is it?"

"Time I get going. I've got school in an hour and a half." I rubbed at my face, removing the oil that'd mounted up on my skin through the night's sleep. My fingers paused when they grazed a few painful bumps. Great, my face was breaking out.

Sai did the same before standing. "You look like shit."

"I could say the same about you."

"Thanks." He rummaged through a few drawers, pulled out a small device which I'd never seen before and collapsed where I'd just been laying on the sofa to spark his lighter and suck in whatever drug the gadget contained. "Here," he said, letting the smoke slip from his lips in wispy layers. "You're going to want to come down slowly. After the amount of shit we took last night, you're going to be feeling dead by the end of the day if you don't ease it out your system."

I took a few hits and collapsed in the sofa beside him. I didn't have a hangover yet, but that was because I still had enough toxins in my system to keep me going. The room still spun as it did the night before, and my neck had produced a slight twitch, which left my body shaking every now and then. How much had I taken last night? I knew I'd ended up doing a couple more lines, but the last thing I remembered without distortion was putting some small piece of paper on my tongue.

A grimy mirror sat in the corner of the room, but I refused to look at my appearance. If what Sai looked like was anything to go by, I must've looked like complete crap. "What did that Kiba guy mean last night about you knowing better than most about having to make a living?" I asked, knowing it wasn't my place, but the eerie silence was beginning to make my ears buzz. And at that moment all I wanted to do was go back to sleep, not leave into the cold morning air to trek home and get ready for school, so a distraction was needed.

The older boy, who I'd decided resembled the Uchiha in a small way, leant his head back to rest against the sofa. "It's old news, so why not?" He asked himself. "Do you have a brother?"

"Yeah. Although sometimes I wonder what's the point of identifying him as such."

Sai quirked his lips into that unmoving smile and turned his head on the back cushion to peer at me. "I had a brother once." He nodded. "Once. When I turned seventeen, we found out why he was getting ill so often. AIDS isn't a cheap disease to provide for." He dug back through a drawer and tossed an old, worn book into my lap. It contained no words. Only pictures. With a black-haired boy on one side and a silver-haired boy on the other. "We never took any photos," he said. "I only have the pictures I've drawn. Mum wasn't much use. A heroin addict and a whore. It was left to me to provide money for the hospital bills and medicines, so I dropped out of college and started working the streets." He took the book back, not tearing his eyes from the boys in the pictures. "He died last year, leaving me alone with Mum, who then disappeared a few weeks later." He shrugged, letting the book drop sideways from his hand. "Haven't seen her since. Not since I blamed her for his death. It was her fault, though. Always leaving those needles lying around when we were younger. That must've been how he'd caught it."

I looked away. How could he tell such a story with no emotion behind the words? I wanted to say sorry for his loss, but that seemed so useless compared to the situation. "Why don't you leave the business and get an education now?"

"What—" He lifted his arms to circle the dejected room. "—And leave this luxurious life style? No thanks. Besides, I don't know anything else." He blinked, as if having an after thought. "What's your real name? Mine really one is Sai, by the way."

"I'm Gaara," I said, feeling a barrier being knocked down. "Why don't you use a fake name?"

He shrugged. "The industry is such a big part of my life now, I don't see the point of separating the two anymore. It just gets tiresome." He yawned and scratched at his red eyes before taking another hit. "You know, I like you, Gaara. You haven't hardened yet, that's a rare trait in this trade… you will though, over time." I think that was supposed to be a compliment, but I didn't feel lifted by it. I just sat and nodded a few times. "That tattoo on your forehead. Love, right?"

"Yeah," I answered a tad surprised. People didn't tend to mention it anymore, like the job to him, it was a part of my life that'd become a piece of who I was. Nobody thought twice about it, including me. Some days I'd even forget it was there until I lifted my bangs in the mirror.

"I bet that has an interesting story behind it."

"Yeah, one I'd rather not talk about."

"Suit yourself." He stood, and I found myself doing the same. I really had to get going, and sitting around wasn't going to sober me up anymore or make me less tired.

"You go to St. Konohas?" he asked nonchalantly, stepping past to enter a different room.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"It's the only one around the area," he said, emerging again with a uniform in hand. "Here. It saves you a trip home, at least. Don't look so shocked. I used to attend there, too. You probably wouldn't remember me, though. I would've been in my last year when you were in your first. I look a lot different now."

After giving my thanks, I slipped into the old clothing. Its fusty smell was enhanced with the lingering sent of cigarette smoke and weed. I pulled a face, but I wasn't complaining. Hopefully after going outside it would air out a bit.

I hadn't expected Sai to walk me to school, but the company was appreciated. I was definitely used to him by now – and I felt a little envious of the way he'd just speak his mind without worrying about what others would think. Most would probably see it as arrogance, as I did when I first met him, but that just seemed to be who he was. Or who he had become over the last few years.

"You have my number," Sai said as we stood at the gates of St. Konohas. His obsidian eyes moved toward the school and seemed to glaze over slightly. But whether that was from drug consumption or past memories fogging his mind, I didn't know. For a split second, I wondered who Sai had been before leaving this place, but then realised that that young boy was long gone, so there was no point to the exercise. "Give me a call some time." Before his eyes left the building, a light glinted within them. I thought he might have been recollecting some cherished memory, but that assumption was abruptly thrown away when he grabbed my face and kissed me.

The shock stumped me into immobility, but I soon pushed him away, wiping my mouth with the dull coloured sleeve to the old uniform. "What the fuck was that?"

Sai's unreadable smile was back as he pointed. "Those three boys… oh, they're gone."

"What?"

"There were three boys standing over there – a blond and two brunets. One of the brunets was pointing, so I thought I'd have a bit of fun."

"What the hell was fun about that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You know how teenagers are about queer kids. Hopefully it'll cause you some trouble. Get your arse kicked maybe… I hope you know how to fight."

The fuck? Stupid bipolar git. "I'm not queer!"

"Really?" He looked honestly surprised. "Well, could've fooled me." He shrugged. "Oh well, catch you around some time."

"Bloody bastard."

He chuckled. "Bye."

* * *

Mr. Kakashi wasn't heading the class when I entered. Of course he wasn't, I doubted the man knew what punctual even meant. Searching the room for a particular blond tuft of hair ended pointlessly, so I dumped my bag at a table the four of us usually occupied and slouched into the chair. Shikamaru's and Sasuke's gaze burned holes into my flesh as I tried to avoid eye-contact, but in the end I decided to just get the topic out the way. I knew what they wanted to ask, so why drag it out any longer than necessary?

I lifted my shoulders and raised my head to peer at the two brunets – one with quizzical eyes and the other with confused. "About what happened outside—"

"Are you gay?" Sasuke blurted. Tact never was his forte.

I found myself feeling rather defensive to that slip of tongue. Just because I wasn't homosexual didn't mean I wouldn't still take offence, I mean, I slept with guys most days of the week. "So what if I were, would you have a problem with that?"

Sasuke snorted. He was probably the only person I knew who could make that grunting noise sound dignified. "I don't have a problem with Naruto, so why would I have one with you?"

"What Sasuke means," Shikamaru said, not allowing a seconds pause between the conversation. "Is, we were just wondering who that boy at the gates was."

"Do I?"

"You do."

I raised an eyebrow at their unusual behaviour. I'd probably never understand them, so what was the point in bothering to decipher what their blabbering meant? "He was just a friend." I directed my gaze to Sasuke. "And I'm not gay." That seemed to end the conversation, or at least it was good enough for Sasuke to decide he no longer wanted to talk about it. His attention had been tugged by something else… My face.

"What happened to your cheek? And what's wrong with your eyes, you look like you haven't slept in a week?"

I shrugged, letting my cold fingers run over my eyes to soothe them a bit. "I fell over, and I haven't been sleeping well."

Shikamaru's all seeing eyes scoped my face, his dull features never changing their relaxed state. "Can I speak to you outside for a moment?" And I knew straight away that this wasn't going to be a friendly chat, but I grabbed my bag and followed him through the desks of students until we were in the quiet corridor all the same.

"Well, what did you want?" I asked, leaning my back against the wall. I couldn't look into his deciphering eyes. In a way I feared he'd be able to read my mind.

"Go home."

"Excuse me?"

"Before Mr. Kakashi takes one look at you and sends you to the head teacher's office for being high in school. You'll be excluded for good."

"I'm not—"

"Don't give me that. Sasuke might not be able to tell, but that's because he's probably never seen anyone on drugs before. But it's so obvious, I don't know how you even made it to class without a teacher stopping you."

For a moment neither of us spoke. We just watched each other, waiting for the other to back down. When he didn't move, I uncrossed my arms nonchalantly and pushed up from the wall. He was right, but that didn't mean I had to be happy about it. "Fine, I'll go."

But when I went to push past him, his hand flew out to stop me. "I don't know what you're doing," he said, holding his palm flat against my chest so I didn't walk away. "And quite frankly I don't want to know, either. But what ever it is, you're hurting Naruto much deeper than I think you understand."

I didn't appreciate him sticking his nose into my business. He may have been a genius, but he had it all wrong. I wasn't the one at blame here. "It has nothing to do with me. He's the one being an idiot. Where is he, anyway?"

"He left complaining of a headache before we got to class. You know, straight after seeing you with that boy. Use your head, Gaara, and stop being so unobservant and selfish."

I batted his hand away. "How am I being selfish? You may think you understand what's going on here, but you don't. So just butt out."

He sighed through his nose, raising his hands to rest behind his head. "Fine, you and Naruto are both too troublesome to deal with. I'm no longer interested, just try to figure it out before it's too late."

"Whatever. I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

Ignorant bastard, thinking he knows what's what.

I threw my bag down and dumped Sai's old, green blazer on the floor on my way to Kankurou's room, not giving a second thought to the piece of clothing laying in a heap. I loosened the tie before pushing his bedroom door open. Not here. Good. Unsharpened pencils and wads of paper fell to the floor as I tipped the drawer in his nightstand upside down. Nothing. I pulled out another drawer and turned it to let its contents pile up at my feet.

Damn it. Where'd he keep that stuff?

I couldn't stand this irregular beating in my chest or throbbing headache anymore. I ran pale fingers through my greasy, red locks, and the strands clumped together as I pulled them away. Dropping to the floor in one quick movement, I lifted his sheets to peer under the bed. The corner of a plastic bag hung out between the wood below his mattress. Bingo.

After dropping a few notes onto his bed, I took one of the bags to my room and practically ripped it open, making sure not to lose a single spec of white dust into the air. I didn't pause for a moment to think, because I knew the tiny nagging voice at the back of my head would try to stop me. What was the unrecognisable murmur that plagued my mind less and less as the days rolled by? Perhaps my conscience? Or maybe Real Gaara? Just like the bathroom mirror, my two separate sides had cracked, and the shards were being swept farther and farther apart. Leaving me with remains of jagged glass.

I used the thin edge of my library card to cut the substance into a few lines, each thicker than the last. With one finger over a nostril, I bent to snort. My head shook as I wiped away the powder on my face Addiction wasn't my reasoning, I just wanted to feel better. I wanted to lose myself, if only for a moment longer. And if this was the only way, then so be it. It's not like I had anything else to look forward to. Hang out with Shikamaru and Sasuke? No thanks. See Naruto? Not an option...

Sleep with men for money..?

I stumbled from my crouching position and leaned back against the base of my bed, one knee propped up to lay an arm over it. That was one way to lose myself, but in that aspect there wasn't much more to lose. The boy I'd been before had already slipped away unnoticed. But then again, how much of me had been there in the first place? I'd been slipping away slowly since Mum died, I'd just never realised it before, and now I'd gone too far to go back.

My head tilted up, and I watched the ceiling as the swirls moved and wiggled in a provocative dance of shapes and colours. The walls were crying, wallpaper crawling around like it'd been possessed by horrors hiding in the dark. I stood when a thumping noise began invading my senses. I'd had this same wallpaper since I was a young boy. This very wallpaper was the same I'd came back to after Mum's funeral, after being released from hospital with bandages and casts around my arms… it's the same I'd came back to after weeks of being with my uncle when social services took me away.

Yashamaru…

The very same uncle who loved kids and spoiled me rotten with sweets and toys…

My chest tightened, and the shallow breaths coming through my mouth sharpened until I could barely control them. Arms rapped around me, and it took a second to realise that they were my own.

… He loved games. We played a lot of games. Most leaving me with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

A dying animal. That's what the whines sounded like. But there was no animal in danger of losing its life. The sounds were coming from my throat, and became worse as I tried to stop them. I couldn't help but rip at the shiny hairs on my head. I couldn't look at it anymore. I couldn't stand to see it surrounding me, mocking me, laughing at me. It had to go...

…I refused to leave it crawling around as if it were alive and haunting me. Hunting me like a scared little mouse… not a mouse, a bird. Trapped. Fly little bird, fly. But you can't, your wings are clipped. Don't scream. I'm here. I'm here to embrace you, possess you and keep you from breaking away and becoming what you truly want…

… Gaara, where are you? …

… Footsteps behind a closed door … A teddy in my grasp as I hide underneath a bed, behind a closet door …

I flew at the walls, gripping the paper and dragging it down.

… I have some sweets for you … You like sweets, don't you? … A nod of a tiny head …

Paper screamed its throaty noise as it gripped the wall in attempts to stay.

… We're going to play a game, Gaara … You like games, right? … The teddy doesn't protect me …

… Where are you, my precious little boy? …

The wallpaper lay dead on the floor in clumps of mess, waiting to be added to as I clawed at what was left – nails ripping from flesh and bleeding.

… My little angel …

My fist collided with the bare surface beside my bed.

… That's it, you're doing it just right …

"Stop," I whispered, words locking in my throat and coming out as if my neck had been sliced.

… There's nothing wrong with doing it like this …

"Shut up…" I covered my head, trying to block the voices bouncing around the walls.

… You're so beautiful … don't look so scared, it's just a camera … see, now you can see how pretty you are, too …

"Don't touch me!"

… Only I love you, Gaara. You're so perfect … A hand reaching down … Me shaking under the strain of my small body's reaction …

I stepped back as if pushed; tripping over the box I'd cut the coke on and fell into the paper. My fingers curled into the material.

… Gaara, where are you? Don't you want to play? …

My eyes widened as a black figure swooped across the ceiling above me, and a strangled scream threatened to shred my throat to pieces just as I had shredded the paper, and my ears threatened to bleed just as my nails had bled.

* * *

A throaty moan left my lips when the doorbell pulled me sharply from a dreamless sleep. I peeked at my alarm clock. Who the hell would be knocking at 2pm? I stood from the pile of wallpaper and moaned again. Now I was going to have to redecorate. What the hell was I thinking? I kicked at a piece stuck to my foot and staggered tiredly down the hallway, picking up Sai's blazer as I went.

Whoever this was, it had better be good. Because my head was killing me, and my throat was dry enough to assume I'd been eating sandpaper. I unlatched the door and froze as my veins turned to ice, eyes probably resembling Ping-Pong balls. What the hell?

"Naruto?" His blotchy face and red nose didn't make him look too healthy, but it was obvious by the glisten still remaining in his eyes that he'd been crying. His usual spiky hair lay flat against his head, sticking up in places as if he'd been pulling at it. I stepped to the side wordlessly and let him pass into the hallway. I didn't turn to him again until I'd shut the door, but I could hear his sniffing. And when I did move to finally look at him, he was standing close. Too close for comfort. "What do you want?" Because honestly, it might have been the drugs or the fact I'd just woken up, but I had no idea why he was there.

His lips pursed and his mouth hung open a few seconds before answering. "You."

* * *

**Well, there we go. Another chapter down. That was some trip. I hope I portrayed it well enough.**

**Chiru - Thank you for such a wonderful review. I wasn't able to reply to you since you didn't have an account, so I thought I'd thank you here.**

**Review if you liked it. I enjoy reading what others have to say.**

**XX**


	11. Don't hide from your mistakes

Don't hide from your mistakes because they'll find you, burn you

* * *

I didn't have time for his games. I took a moment to give him a pointed look. "Obviously you want me otherwise you wouldn't be here. I meant, what's the problem?"

"I swear you do this on purpose." I rolled my eyes, letting him know I wasn't amused, and he turned to follow me when I stormed past him. He had to make his mind up, he either didn't want to speak to me or he did. "Where're you going? I'm trying to talk to you here."

"Bedroom." I rubbed at my temples. "Painkillers." I sighed. "You give me headaches."

I let him enter behind me, and popped a couple of tablets from their packet, gulping them down with a glass of water that'd been on my nightstand for a few days. While letting the liquid wash down my throat, I watched Naruto inspect the paper-covered-carpet. "I'm redecorating," I lied, sitting on my bed with the empty glass held between my knees. "How'd you know I wouldn't be at school?"

"I saw you leave."

"So you're spying on me now?" I scooted farther back until my back touched the wall.

"I just happened to see you."

"You obviously didn't have a headache earlier, why'd you leave? Would you really go that far to avoid me?"

He shook his head, lowering it to stare at the carpet. He sort of looked like a beaten puppy, confused and alone. "Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend with a weird sense of humour." I crossed my arms. "Besides, I wouldn't tell you even if I did."

"Why not?"

"Because even though we're arguing, you're still my best friend and I wouldn't want to lose you completely."

"Why'd you lose me?"

"Because you're… like, homophobic."

I'd never seen Naruto get angry before - Well, not proper angry – so seeing him lose his temper was a bit frightening. A thin wire of a vein throbbed in his neck as his face turned red. His teeth gritted together and his hands shook. "I'm not homophobic, you idiot!" He collected himself a little, but the malice was still in his voice. "I'm gay."

Was I tripping out again? I didn't move, and for a moment I wondered if I'd heard him correctly. I knew I had to say something, but as he stared down at me, my mouth refused to do anything more than form an unflattering 'Oh'. I didn't register at first. Was what he said actually true, because wouldn't I have noticed if my best friend was gay? But then I remembered everything he'd said, everything that he'd done. "Wow," was the only word my brain could create. I blinked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

I shook my head, still a little stunned at the news. "Why now."

His hands tightened into fists beside his legs, and I couldn't help feel sorry for him. It was evident by the look on his face that he was going through an inner turmoil. He should've known that I wouldn't have cared if he were gay. "Because I'm scared," he said eventually. "I'm scared of completely losing you, and if I don't do this now, I know I'll always regret not even trying."

His body moved closer, and I watched silently as he bent to my level on the bed, his face coming closer. I let go of the glass, and my head dipped backward, eyes wide open as his lips touched mine. I can't explain it, but my heart sank in that very moment. I couldn't believe, even after all I'd been through, how much that one kiss could make me feel so cheap and used. I didn't think Naruto was like that, but obviously I was wrong. After all, this is what all men were after. But I sucked it up, if he wanted a freebee, then I guessed I owed him that much. Perhaps afterward he'd even start talking to me again.

I steeled myself, inhaled deeply, swallowed, and forced a smirk against his lips. My body rolled over and I pushed him lightly onto the bed underneath me. Tilting my head up to look him in the face, I saw confusion. His eyebrows creased, looking at me as if he didn't know what I was doing. When my lips touched the material of his shirt, kissing down his body, he stopped me. His hands reached down to touch my shoulders, making me look at him. He cleared his throat, a lump obviously forming by the crackling sound of his voice. "What're you doing?" he asked.

I sat up on my knees. "What you want me to."

His hand covered his face, before dropping to land heavily on the mattress. "This isn't what I wanted." His voice broke again, and his eyes began glistening. "I thought you understood."

I left him leaning on his elbows to stand up. "Then what do you want, because you're really beginning to confuse me."

"I'm starting to confuse you?" He stood, head inches higher than mine. "Gaara." I tried to step back when his hands grabbed onto my arms, but he held me still." I want you. I don't want this pretence you put on. I want the real you, all of you." His face relaxed, almost as if a giant weight had been lifted. My eyes flickered. What the hell was going on? "I'm… head over heals for you."

My chest tightened again, and I pulled back until he'd let go. "No." No. No. No.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean, you can't be. No." This made no sense, why would anyone be head over heals for me? I had nothing to offer. I couldn't go through that emotion again, thinking someone loved me. "You should leave now."

"But, Gaara—"

"Please, I really think you should go."

"But—"

"I said go!" I couldn't stand seeing the pitifully pleading look on Naruto's face. The muscles between his eyes creased as his brows furrowed. This had to be some sort of joke. I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't.

I turned my back to him, hoping my cold shoulder would convince him to leave. My teeth ground together and I tensed when a hand softly rested on my shoulder. I refused to look him in the face, so held my guard. "Gaara, please, here me out."

"I don't need this right now, Naruto. Please, if this is some kind of joke to get back at me, then just drop the act."

"It's not an act," he stated. His voice held a tone of seriousness that couldn't be faked. "Gaara, I've been falling for you deeper and deeper for over a year." His fingers squeezed into my muscle, but it wasn't enough to hurt. He was asking me to trust him. "This isn't a cruel joke for revenge. I'm not that sadistic."

I slouched slightly under his touch. All those flirtatious comments, all the hints. I'd seen them all, but not for one second did I even consider there was a motive behind his words. "This is a bit sudden," I mumbled.

"A bit sudden?" He removed his hand, and I turned to watch them raising in front of him. "Gaara, I think the whole world knew how I felt about you, you're probably the only person who didn't." He crossed his arms and turned his head in a mock pout. "Like I said, you're an unobservant idiot."

He looked back at me when I spoke. "But… I don't love you, not in that way." My insides twisted in guilt, but Naruto didn't look fazed by my confession.

"I know, and I'm okay with that." His hands were back on my shoulders. "I don't expect you to fall in love with me over night." He shrugged, smiling shyly. "Would've been nice if you'd secretly felt the same way, but I didn't expect that."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to give me a chance. Let me take you out on a proper date with the _real_ you."

I watched his aqua eyes swim with hope and determination. "I don't know."

He lifted one finger to exaggerate. "One date, that's all I'm asking for. And if you don't like it then we can forget about the whole thing and go back to normal."

Just one date. I could handle that. "Okay, one. But only if you get off my back about this call boy thing." Sounded fair. One good turn deserves another, and all that shit.

"Deal." He extended his hand. "But only if you promise to give it up if we get to date two."

I returned the shake. It was a win-win situation. I knew we wouldn't get to date two, so all I had to do was attend one and he'd get off my case. What did I have to lose? "Deal."

"Shall we seal it with a kiss?"

I dropped his hand. "Don't push your luck."

"Heh… it was worth a try."

"Better luck next time."

* * *

I took the next day off school.

Strategic movement on my behalf. Coming down from drugs wasn't pretty, I knew that, so I expected the throbbing head and throwing up. But that didn't mean the enjoyment had increased any.

I returned to my bed after ten minutes of puking out stomach acid, and found a New Text before slipping back beneath my sheets. Naruto: FEELING ANY BETTER? X

My reply: YEAH. THE LAST PUKING SESSION ONLY LASTED TEN MINUTES THIS TIME…

Answer back: EW :S…

Of course I'd let Naruto know I wasn't taking the day off to avoid him, since I didn't want him becoming the paranoid mess like I knew he would. After dissecting every tiny detail about this date, we decided to arrange it for tomorrow evening. I was starting to worry about this. I knew how Working Gaara would act on a date, but I had no idea how Real Gaara would blend in with the situation. The thing that played on my mind the most was who'd pay. In a heterosexual couple, the guy would pay. But what happened when the date lacked in the breast department? This detail was crucial. Whoever paid would automatically slip into the male role. Or maybe I was just over thinking it?

A blinking light and buzz interrupted my rambling session. Unknown number. Could've been the school? "Hello?"

"Gaara." Fuck. I screwed my face in frustration. Not school; Baki.

"Hi."

"I have a booking for you tonight. He wants you at—"

"Um. I can't tonight. I'm at home sick." I coughed, hoping it didn't sound completely fake.

"You're ill?" he asked, suspicion oozing down the receiver. "I guess I'll just have to cancel then, won't I?" He didn't give me enough time to answer. "Or I'll try to get him to rebook for tomorrow evening."

My toes curled into the sheets. "I have plans tomorrow."

"And now you don't."

"But—"

"I'll be outside your house tomorrow at 6pm. You'd better be ready."

I exhaled when he hung up and sank into my pillow. Well, I thought sarcastically, that was obviously going to happen. I'd let Naruto know tonight that I was feeling too sick for our little arrangement tomorrow. I just hoped he didn't take it personally. Moving it one day forward wouldn't hurt anyone.

And luckily it didn't. I'd had to take another day off school to back up my white lie, but he understood. Actually, he was really concerned, adding to the ball of guilt circling in my stomach. Me being paranoid, I'd peeked down each side of the street before running from my front door into Baki's car, making us look as if we were on the get away. And to my surprise, we pulled up beside an apartment complex. I'd never been so happy to see clean streets.

Baki's rough fingers pulled the gear stick into park. "It's a doubles booking tonight," he said nonchalantly, almost as if that piece of information shouldn't have been given to me beforehand. "He said he'd booked two boys tonight, and you're one of them."

"Why didn't you tell me before? What am I supposed to do on a doubles booking?" I'd rather have been on that awkward date with Naruto.

"Whatever the punter wants you to do. Get in there before you're late."

I waited until I was approaching the front door before mumbling, "Bastard," under my breath. I glared at the doorbell and pressed it. Doesn't anyone tell me anything these days? At least with two people, I wouldn't have to do so much work.

The door opened, and a bright smile replaced the look of death on my face. Let's just get this over with, my mind recited while reversing the cogs back into work-mode.

Positives: He wasn't intoxicated, smelly or violent.

Negative: He must've been at least seventy and resembled that of a close cousin to Quazimodo.

I willed my friendly smile not to falter, and stepped into the warmth of the hallway.

"You must be Naruto, I'm Jeremy." He stepped forward, placing a hand gently on my back and kissing my cheek.

"That I must be." I laughed.

Learning to read clients had become second nature. He seemed like the friendly type who enjoyed a bit of cheek. His laugh proved me right. "Come through to the living room, you're the last of our party to arrive." He'd definitely used escorts before, he was much too confident to be a newbie at this.

I almost tripped over my feet to bump into Jeremy when I followed him into the front room. My brain had suddenly started going into spasms, so I hadn't noticed the man pausing. I engaged an emergency stop, skidding to a halt.

The boy on the sofa, with a glass of wine between his fingers, sat there practically smirking at me – well, I could tell he was smirking behind that look, anyway.

"I'll let you two boys get more acquainted while I go freshen up." He left the room to go upstairs, and I fell to the sofa, hissing.

"Sai, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you didn't do this kind of thing anymore?"

He looked up, blinking and wiping a hand over his face. "Okay, first." He flicked his fingers. "Say it, don't spray it. And second, when I heard taking this job meant partnering up with _Naruto_, I couldn't resist. I thought it would be fun. Anyway, what happened the other day with your friends?"

I groaned. "You have no idea what you triggered."

"Good or bad?"

I dipped my shoulder. "I'll let you know."

Sai leant back on the cream leather sofa, making himself more comfortable. "Well, Naruto, I guess you do get to sleep with me this time, aren't you a lucky boy?"

I snorted, not loud enough for it to leave the room. "Who'd want to sleep with your bony arse?"

His smile grew, and his eyes closed in delight. "Jeremy, obviously."

My lips quirked to smile back. "He's obviously deranged."

"That explains why he chose you as well."

I punched his arm, and he covered the muscle with his hand. "Oi, that hurt. Don't damage what you're not prepared to pay for."

"I have insurance." I laughed, and Sai chuckled in his little monotonous way. This was the most fun I'd had in ages. God, and that really said something – I needed a hobby.

I stared up at the ceiling after a while of silence. "Do you think he expects us to follow him?"

Sai shrugged. "It's a two hour booking, so he has time to tease himself by avoiding temptation."

"Two hours? I thought it was one?" Damn it. I seriously was the last person to ever know anything.

Sai shook his head, and I gazed over his outfit. He was complaining the other day that I looked like a street crawler, what did he think he looked like right now? His black tummy top made him look like he was sucking guys off for a few quid around the back of a Wendy's.

Footsteps crept downstairs, and Sai put his wine down, sighing. "Lay down," he said bluntly. "Most guys like to watch for a while during doubles bookings."

"You lay down." Hell no was I submitting to him again.

"I'd make it look better."

"What're you trying to say?" Our voices quietened as Jeremy returned slowly.

"That I'm more experienced."

"That means nothing."

"That means everything."

The door handle twisted. We stared at each other, only milliseconds left for someone to back down. I wasn't going to lose.

"Hmmm," the old man hummed in appreciation when he re-entered the room.

"Don't get too comfortable," I whispered into Sai's ear when he began trailing kissing down my neck. I winced when he bit me. Fucker. My hand ran slowly up his body until it was underneath the thin strip he called a top, and I squeezed his nipple as hard as I could. He grunted in pain, but tried to cover it by sounding pleasurable and seductive. Hey, we had to grip at any fun we could get, because sleeping with Quazi over there wasn't going to be too enjoyable. If it meant passive aggressive fighting, then so be it.

My wrists were pinned on the sofa's armrest, and the twenty-year-old sat up to hover and grind his hips against mine. He closed his eyes and smiled at me before turning a seductive look toward the punter. Seeing anything but that emotionless raise of the lips sat oddly with me. That was one hell of a practised look, though. I paused my thoughts, wondering why I was silently complimenting the person who held me captive against the loveseat.

"What do you think we should do with our naughty little boy here?" Damn him, he was good. I'd have to take some notes to step up my game. "I think we should punish him," Sai said, flicking his tongue slowly against his teeth as he spoke. And he must've noticed something in the client that I hadn't, because the next thing I knew, Sai's hand had smacked my cheek, making my head twist to the side and eyes widen in shock of the sudden attack. It wasn't enough to hurt, but some sort of warning would've been nice.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to direct my attention somewhere else other than the repeating thought of punching him in the face. Unfortunately, I didn't think the client was into watching two boys beat the crap out of each other. Might have done something for some nutters, though…

"Come here." Sai wiggled his finger, gesturing for the client to come closer. After a long – and may I add sloppy – deep kiss, Sai nudged his head toward me. "Hold his arms."

I gave into defeat. Sai had me cornered, and there was no way I'd regain respect as the dom now, anyway. I quickly narrowed my eyes at the black-haired boy as the older man held my arms against the sofa. What made things worse was the fact I knew exactly what was going though Sai's mind. That being: Now I'm going to show you how it's really done. I could just imagine that smug bastard saying something along those lines.

Sai's lanky fingers pushed my shirt up over my head until the material was around my arms.

I had to think quickly. Shikamaru wasn't the only one with great deciphering skills. The slap on the face, the light bondage technique, Sai giving orders and referring to me as 'our' boy. This punter wanted one submissive and one dominant boy. He doesn't only get pleasure out of the sex, he also liked to watch. Which meant my role was – drum roll please, maestro – The 'naughty' boy who had more bark than bite and becomes innocent when put in a sexual situation… I'd been doing this too long. And Sai WAY too long if he picked up on that before we'd even started.

Sai's face dipped closer to my chest, but my heartbeat didn't quicken like it probably would if we were lovers. For a split second, I wondered if my heart would race if Naruto's lips were close to me in that way, but I pushed that thought aside as fast as it had appeared. "Look, his nipples are already hard." It was cold. "Why don't you play with them for me while I get busy elsewhere?" His voice was low, lust dripping from each syllable. And I kept my arms still as the older man moved to hold onto my wrists with one hand.

I faked a moan while at the same time trying to watch where Sai was going. His lips moved across my stomach, and he gently stroked the skin above my jeans with his tongue. Uh, oh. I wasn't hard yet. I closed my eyes, making it seem like I was anticipating pleasure. But instead, I was trying to block out who I was with. I quickly tried to search my mind for something to turn me on before Sai could finish unbuttoning the trousers, but the only thing that kept popping into my head was the beach. Not only being at the beach, but being at the beach with Naruto. His grin invaded the vision behind my eyelids, and my mind wandered away to our conversation the other day.

I hadn't noticed my jeans were down until something wet and warm surrounded me. My eyes opened, and I felt myself go a little limp from the sight of seeing Sai working. I couldn't do this with my eyes open.

Naruto's lips were soft. You wouldn't guess it from the way they looked - usually chapped and chewed to pieces. I wondered if his tongue would be as soft, or maybe it'd be rough. I knew I was straying into dangerous territory, but frighteningly it seemed to be doing the trick, and that's all I had to worry about right now – not the fact I was thinking about my best friend while trying to cum. If Naruto were the one on me right now, would he know what he was doing? Would it be amazing and mind-blowing?

Shit. I felt my body begin to sweat. My hips twitched subconsciously and Naruto deep throated. Fuck. I meant Sai deep throated.

Oh god, I didn't care who was deep throating me right then. My hips ground upwards, and Naruto gagged, muscles in his throat contracting to cause an amazing friction.

What would Naruto be liked? Would he be a gentle lover? Taking time to search and pleasure every part of my body, or would he be rough, making me cry out in a pleasure so intense I'd beg for release?

My back tensed and rose slightly from the leather cushion bellow me, making the material produce a ripping noise as my sweaty skin peeled from it. Sai gulped a few times, and I collapsed back into the sofa.

I didn't have time to consider what I'd just done, but I knew I'd have to deal with it later.

Sai gazed at the punter, wiping his lips as he crawled back up my body. "Your turn."

* * *

The street lamps had activated by the time we got outside. Sai slipped into his jacket, quirking his lips. "That was better than I thought it would be." He chuckled when I blew into my cold hands and glared at him. "You have a very cute pleasure face, Gaara, but I can take most of the credit for that."

"I'm surprised your head fits through doors. It was obviously a fake look."

He stepped past me, and we walked down the driveway. "You came three times. I think that's a record. I'm better than I thought I was. Don't worry, I'll let you use those images when you're alone later."

"I wasn't thinking about you," I snapped.

His eyes closed in delight. "I know, so who were you thinking about?"

"No one." I had a lot of explaining to myself to do tonight.

"Tell me."

I bent my legs when getting into Baki's blue ford escort and poked my head out the window. "Mind your own bloody business."

Sai leant down to speak to me, and I fully expected some sarcastic comeback, but what I got instead was silence. His eyes flickered past me to land on Baki and he quickly stood from the car. "I'll see you later," I heard him say as he walked away.

I raised an eyebrow. Strange bipolar git.

* * *

**That was fun to write. I thought I'd start lightening the mood a bit, but remember that old saying: There's always a calm before the storm.**

**Thank you everyone for my lovely reviews so far! They really do touch my heart, and I'm a sad person, so I check my inbox once every couple of hours to see if I have any new ones. So please review if you enjoyed the chapter ^^.**

**XX**


	12. Update

Hey, guys, just thought I'd give a quick update.

I have a week off, so tonight I started to re-read Double Reflection since I couldn't sleep. I then looked to see when I last updated, and I can't believe it's been 5 months since my last chapter! I have no idea where the time has gone, seriously, I was shocked.

I've been really busy with my English degree at university, but I promise there will be an update in the next 2 weeks. I have some friends coming up to stay with me at my accommodation, and I have tones of work to finish, but I'll try my hardest to squeeze a chapter in. I mean, I was soo looking forward to writing the chapter where Gaara and Naruto go on a date, and I had some great ideas to turn the plot again and add more suspense. It's a shame I haven't had any time to write for pleasure lately… only damn essays which are beginning to quickly drain the life out of me.

So… yeah, that's my quick update, just to let you know a chapter is on its way.

Have a lovely day :).

Ja ne

X


	13. What Do You Want From Me

What do you want from me?

* * *

I dropped my makeup bag back on its perch in the corner of my room. I'd changed my mind. Naruto said he wanted to go on a date with the Real Gaara, and the Real me didn't wear makeup. He'd get what he wanted – blemishes, bags and all.

I couldn't believe I was doing this - I tugged a shirt over my head – What the hell did he want from me, because honestly I had no idea. Part of myself was screaming not to trust him and his cruel sense of humour, but then another part, a much smaller part, wanted to believe his confession was sincere. Because that would mean somebody wanted me. I'd never really had that before, not before working for Baki, anyway. And even then the attention was partly fake, but somehow it made me feel better about myself – in a slightly warped and twisted way.

I checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror, but tilted my head so I could see my whole face within the non-cracked side. Everyone was right, I did look terrible – practically dead, being the right words. Oh well. I didn't have to look perfect. It was only Naruto, after all. We hung out all the time, and I'd never worried about what I looked like before, so why should I have started now? It was only lunch. It'd be no different from any other time… Except this time it was a date… I ruffled my hair and turned to enter my room again. A date. A date with Naruto… my best friend. This had to be considered fucked up. This whole situation was probably fucked up in some way.

I just wouldn't think of it as a date. Yeah, just like I hadn't thought too much about what had happened the night before when I was with Sai. Best not to torment yourself about those kinds of things… life was easier that way.

"Gaara!" The front door slammed. Shit, I hadn't seen Kankurou since before I'd trashed his room to find his stash. I'd forgotten all about that. I was so in for it. Maybe two black eyes would have been excuse enough to cancel the date.

I held onto the doorframe and peeked around the edge just in time to see my brother storming up the corridor toward me. Quickly turning, I tried to lock myself in my bedroom, but just as my shoulder pressed against the door he threw it open, almost knocking me out with it.

"What the fuck—" He held onto my shirt so I couldn't escape, "—gave you the nerve to trash my room and take one of the bags!"

"I left you money," I choked out.

"That's not the point, do you know what Temari would do to me if she ever found out you were taking my drugs. Just tell me it wasn't for you, because if I find out—"

"Hey, mate." Someone stepped into the room behind Kankurou, obviously one of his lame-ass druggy friends. "Leave the little guy alone."

"Kiba, this is between me and—"

"Red, what're you doing here?" Fuck. Kankurou let go of my shirt and turned to face his friend. I knew I recognised him when I saw him in that club's toilet.

My brother looked between us. "How do you know my little brother?"

"Your brother?" Please, if there is a God out there, don't let Kiba tell the truth. Luckily, it seemed dealers weren't grasses. "He helped me pick up some boxes when I dropped them in the street the other day. Didn't know he was your brother."

"Whatever. I need a beer. Stay out of my stash. Next time I won't go so easy on you."

Kiba rolled his eyes playfully when my brother stormed out the room to grab one of father's beers from the fridge. "So, red. You're the famous little brother I've heard so much about." He sauntered across my room to perch on the end of my bed. "Although," he said slowly. "When Kank rambles on about how intelligent you are and how you're going to make something of yourself, I didn't imagine that I'd be meeting you for the first time in a back alley club buying drugs with an ex notorious whore."

What was his game? Blackmail? Curiosity? However, the only thing I really wanted to know was… "Kankurou talks about me?"

"All the time. It gets kind of annoying, actually. I guess you're not as perfect as he makes out you are."

"You're not—"

"Going to tell him?" He smirked while closing his eyes. "Not my place to really, is it? But what is it exactly you don't want me telling him? The buying drugs from me, or the fact you're whoring yourself out. Hey, don't look so surprised, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that's what you're doing if you're hanging around with Stunted." He laughed. "Kank's little bro is on the game, and he doesn't even know. That has to be ironic in some way… Don't you think?"

How was I supposed to answer that question? My reply was to turn my head. As harsh as it sounded, he was completely right. I was whoring myself out.

Kiba stood, but I didn't look at him when his heavy hand rested on my head, flattening the hair I'd just put into spikes. "You're a good Kid, Gaara, so I'll give you some advice before it's too late. Look at me." I obeyed, and met his dark eyes. "This world will chew you up and spit you out if you stay too long." He ruffled my red locks and smiled. "Make it a passing visit, eh? Don't take up residency and become one of us, get out while you can. Understand?"

Perhaps he was right. Maybe it was time for me to hang up the stockings and put the makeup bag behind me. I didn't want to end up like Sai. I didn't want to do this forever, and if I kept it up, eventually I'd fail my exams and have no qualifications to move forward with. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good, besides, I don't want to be there if Kank finds out what you've been—"

"Oi, Gaara, Blondie's here."

Fuck, I'd forgotten all about Naruto. Damn Kiba and his turning up out of the blue. Now I was totally unprepared. And if the perspiration breaking out all over my body was anything to go by, I was beginning to freak out.

I forced my legs to move and trailed down the hallway. With each step getting heavier than the last, I tried to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about. But that was a goddamn lie. I mean, I was still going crazy over who would pay. Going Dutch sounded good.

I turned a corner in the hallway, and there he was, conversing with my brother. With a glowing grin plastered on that dopey face of his, he looked like he was the happiest person in the world. That just made me feel like a dick for worrying so much. I could practically feel the thundercloud hovering above my head. I had the sudden urge to wave it away, but random bursts of arm flailing probably wouldn't win me sanity points.

"Where're you two off to looking so snazzy?" Kankurou laughed. I didn't think this situation could be made more awkward – trust my brother to prove me wrong.

"On a date," Naruto answered.

"You two even double date together? That's just creepy. Although, I guess I should just be happy you can get a date." Of course that was directed at me. "Don't want you ending up an old spinster." He laughed.

"Fuck you."

"Aw, little Gaawa's getting all embarrassed and turning red." I think he got the hint he was pissing me off when my left eye began twitching. "So who's the unlucky lady, anyway?"

"None of your business."

He nudged Naruto, who seemed to be finding this whole scene amusing. "She hot?"

"Gorgeous." Idiot.

"Nice. She blonde?"

"Yeah," I answered. "And annoying, pigheaded, won't take no for an answer, dim-witted—"

"I think he gets it," Naruto said, his glowing grin faltering. "We should probably get going."

"Right, catch you around, Blondie." He pointed at me. "You behave. And remember to use protection. The last thing we need around here is some baby."

"Whatever…" Defeated. I didn't even have the strength to protest anymore. I just wanted to leave the flat before someone else decided to rip out a part of my dignity. I grabbed my jacket and pushed Naruto out the door before he even had time to say goodbye.

* * *

A few quick comments about the crappy British weather and that about summed up our conversation during the walk into town. I'd never felt this awkward with anyone before, let alone my best friend. Why the hell did he have to do this to us? If this went terribly wrong, we'd probably never be the same again.

"You feel awkward, don't you?" Naruto said as we arrived at some restaurant. I peeked inside. It wasn't anything posh, thank god. It was the type of place two friends could go for lunch without having to worry about getting odd looks from the waiters.

"Don't you?"

He chuckled. "I'd be lying if I said no."

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea. We're best friends, so of course it's going to be awkward. We've known each other for way too long for this to ever be comfortable."

He nodded slowly a few times while looking into the window, then all of a sudden some 'brilliant' idea must have hit him because his face lit up as if a bulb had just been switched on. I gave him a funny look… "What are you thinking?"

"You'll see." I didn't like the sound of that, but before I had time to question his antics, he was dragging me into the restaurant. "Sit here," he said, pulling out a stool at one of the small tables so my back was to the bar.

I sat and watched dumbfounded as he sat on a stool across the room. What the hell was he doing? I turned back around and cupped my face with my hand. Was his great plan to sit on opposite sides of the restaurant for our lunch together? I didn't quite understand the logic in that.

I looked up at the waiter when a glass of coke was placed on the cup-holder in front of me. "I didn't order this," I said, pushing the drink back to him.

"No, but a young gentleman at the bar did." He strolled away to wipe down a table, and I turned back to the bar, but Naruto wasn't there… "Hey." I turned back and saw Naruto. "Is anyone sitting here?" He pointed to the stool on the other side of the table.

"You know there's not."

"I thought you looked a little lonely." He sat and extended his hand to me. "I'm Naruto, by the way."

I stared at his hand. Then at that stupid grin on his face. Then at his hand again. He wasn't seriously doing this, was he? I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to slap my forehead. "Gaara," I said, taking his hand and playing along.

"That's an unusual name, does it mean anything?"

I shrugged. "All I know is that it's not English. Neither is Naruto, by the sounds of it." I couldn't believe I was doing this.

"My great granddad was Japanese. I'm named after him." Wow, I didn't actually know that. "So, do you go to school around here?"

"Yeah, St. Konoha's. It's just outside of town."

"Me, too. Where've you been hiding? I'm sure I'd remember seeing you walking around." He sipped at his own glass of coke and grinned at me over the rim. "What's someone like you doing here alone, anyway?"

I snorted. "I was supposed to be meeting my best friend here, but I think he's gone a bit crazy."

He choked on his fizzy drink. "I see. Well, if you'd like to, how about we have lunch together? Unless you have somewhere else you need to be?"

"I think I can spare a bit of time."

"Great, what would you like?"

* * *

Okay, so acting as if I didn't know Naruto was kind of weird at first, but eventually it got easier and I actually started having a good time. "…And then we had to leg it through the gates because he'd spent his last fiver on a pouch of tobacco which I'd had to get anyway because he looks too young." But why he was telling me a story that involved me I didn't know. "But, I don't know, there's something about him. Something I've never been able to put my finger on." I perked up at this point to pay a bit more attention. "He's far from perfect, but he's funny, headstrong and has the cutest look in the world when he gets embarrassed. And he's always been there for me, and I guess over time, without even realising until it was too late, I'd fallen for him." His blue eyes came into contact with my teal ones and I couldn't help feeling a heat creep up my neck. "But I suppose the question is, will he ever be able to feel the same, or am I fighting a losing battle?"

Was that a rhetorical question, or did he want me to actually answer?

Naruto had paid for lunch. Protesting was fruitless.

After lunch we'd strolled through Hyde Park for a few hours before ending up at a bench facing out toward a pond. My grip around the disposable coffee cup that had come from a vending machine tightened, and I watched the liquid spill side to side around the edges as I shook under the cold breeze. The sun had just set, and I was beginning to wish I'd brought some form of jacket. I hadn't expected to be out so long.

Naruto was clearly waiting for a response. I tried to ignore it, but the gaze from his blue eyes was boring into the side of my face. Ripples grew across the pond as leaves floated down into the water from the trees hanging above. The silver circles rushed across the water, almost as if trying to get away.

What did he want from me? Some form of confession or for me to have changed my mind about us? I stared intently at the coffee. "Naruto… why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" He leaned forward to look me in the face, but I wouldn't let him catch my eye.

"This. The date. Everything." I wished I knew what his true intentions were. There was no way that bundle of energy could have any feelings stronger than friendship for me. He knew what I was. I was spoiled, and he was playing in dangerous territory. If he weren't careful, I'd taint his innocence.

"I've told you why," he said, dipping his head farther down, and he didn't let up until I'd made eye contact.

"The real reason."

He frowned. "I've told you the real reason. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes." Branches rustled in the wind, and I tilted my head to stare at the trees. The fresh breeze brushed my pale cheeks and I closed my eyes, imagining the wispy touches flaking away the unseen dirt. "I'm not worth it. You know what I am, I'm—"

"But that doesn't define you. Okay, so you've made a mistake, we can work things out together."

"You don't understand." How could he? The things I'd done. I didn't deserve anyone's love. I was a doll now. A hollow existence with a porcelain shell. Everything else within me had slipped slowly away. It'd been slipping for years. My childhood, my innocence, my worth. The past several weeks had just sped the process up.

"You're right. I don't… but I want to." He wasn't listening. He could never understand, not with his cushioned life where he'd been rapped in bubble paper for most of it. He'd been hidden from all the bad things in the world, his parents had made sure of that. I supposed that was why he didn't like talking about problems. He was my best friend, and so pushing him away would be the favour I'd do him. He'd thank me for it eventually.

I drank the last of the coffee before tossing the cup in a bin beside the bench and cleared my throat. "You want to understand? Okay." I licked my lips, buying time so I could word this right in my mind. But I couldn't come up with the words to express how low I'd become. There was no words harsh enough to explain this in a way to scare him off. Perhaps a demonstration, and hopefully this wouldn't hurt him as much as it would hurt me.

Once I'd moved to stand in front of him, I took a deep breath to calm the palpitations in my chest. He stared up at me a bit dumbfounded. "Gaara?"

Come on, Gaara. You're doing him a favour. I blinked away Normal Gaara and replaced the stoic look on my face with a seductive smile. "Hey, I'm Naruto. Should we get the paperwork out the way first?"

"What?" The confused look on his face told me that he probably thought I was imitating or mocking him. He'd figure it out soon.

I swept a finger smoothly over my bottom lip. "Yes, £300, that's right." I was going by my original prices. "But oral without will be an extra tenner."

Naruto's tan drained from his face as he caught on to what I was doing. "Stop it."

I dropped to my knees. "Don't worry, for the right price you can have me any way you want. Should we go to the bedroom and get a bit more comfortable?" I gave him another smirk before biting my bottom lip like I'd practised so many times in my cracked mirror. Punters seemed to love it. He jolted his leg away when I touched it. He was getting repulsed… good. Yes, this was good, so why did I feel so shitty doing it? "I could be a good little boy, or your dirty whore. Whatever you like, just name it." Slowly, I began to unbutton my shirt from the top. "That's all I am..." I stopped fiddling with the buttons when I'd opened three, and brushed my fingers against the skin on my chest. Naruto's mouth hung open in what looked like disgust. "…just some tainted, dirty—"

"Gaara…"

"—worthless—"

"Please."

"—little slu-"

"Shut up!" My eyes widened when he shook me. "Just shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear this; I don't need to hear this. Why are you trying to hurt me?"

I swept his hands from my shoulders. "You DO need to hear this. It's who I am. Things I've said, things I've done. You need to know what you're wasting your feelings on."

"It doesn't matter what you say. You've made a mistake, and I can forgive you. I have to, because these feelings won't go away." I fell backward onto my arse when he stood to walk past me. "For fuck sake." His fingers ran through his hair. "Don't you think I've tried to stop them? Even before finding out what you did. Hundreds of times I've tried to convince myself that I'm just confusing friendship." He spat a sharp laugh. "And after finding out… you have no idea how hard I tried to lose these feelings for you then. I felt sick. Physically sick about what you were doing and at myself for still wanting you." He turned to look down at me. "And then the drugs as well. Drugs, Gaara. What the hell goes through your mind when you're doing all this shit to yourself?" He waited for an answer, but I couldn't give him a helpful one.

I shrugged. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yeah, but that's the point." My fingers dug into the soil and stones. "When I'm being someone else I don't have to deal with anything. Nothing goes through my mind for once… and that's what I like."

"What could possibly be that hard to deal with to make you resort to fucking prostitution and drugs!"

"That's none of your—"

"Well?"

"Naruto!"

"What the hell is that hard?"

"Everything!" Fucking bastard, he pisses me off so much. I jumped to my feet and shoved at his chest. "And I don't have to tell you shit all. How could you even expect to understand how I feel with your perfect life, your perfect family. Your perfect… perfect… everything! You have no fucking clue what it's like to suffer, what it's like to feel like this every day of your life. You have no idea what I've been through and what I've had to deal with-"

"That's because you won't tell me!"

"I won't tell you? I won't tell you! I used to try and tell you, but you'd never listen. Remember when I tried to tell you why I got this?" I lifted my fringe to reveal the tattoo. "Remember when I tried to explain why my bathroom mirror is smashed and what happened to me when I was taken into care. I've given up trying to tell you shit, you won't listen because you've never had to deal with a single problem!"

"So what is this then? The way you've been acting is just some sort of cry for attention? Some form of troubled, rebellious teenage act. Because I'm pretty sure you're not the only person who's had a few problems growing up and I doubt other teenagers have done what you've done."

I wanted to scream, but what he said fucked me off so much I didn't even have the strength to shout. So I laughed. Dunno why, but I couldn't control it. I think this is what Naruto meant the other day when he said that if he didn't laugh he'd be crying. "You're unbelievable." I shook my head. "I cannot believe you actually just said that." I was lost for words. "A few problems? A cry for attention? You really don't know anything, do you? You are so fucking naïve. You know nothing about the real world. You're a fucking idiot."

He growled. "I'm the idiot? You're the one who's made themselves trash. And because of what? Was it because your mum died when you were younger? Reality check, mate, lots of parents die while kids are young. Do you think she's proud of you now, huh?"

Red. That's all I saw until Naruto was on the floor cradling his eye. I flicked my hand, trying to get the pain out my knuckles that his hard head had caused. "Don't you ever talk about my mum again." I watched as he gritted his teeth against the pain in his face. "Fuck this shit. I'm going home. I did what you asked, now you can get off my case."

"Gaara, wait."

"What?"

He scraped himself from the ground. The left side of his face was turning purple, but all I could think about was how I should have aimed for his nose instead. "I'm sorry."

"Tough shit, I'm out of here."

"No, no, no. Wait, wait." He caught my arm. "I didn't mean any of that. I was just… it just upset me what you were saying before, and—" His eyes glazed over slightly… obviously trying to think. "Wait a second… Did you… call yourself—Oh my fucking god. That's your working name, isn't it! My name! Why would you do that?"

He sounded more stunned now. I was so busted. My anger drained away, turning into guilt. "Heh… funny story, really." He narrowed his eyes, and I backed up slightly. "One day, we're both going to laugh about this. Look." I laughed. "I'm laughing now. See, it's funny."

"You use my name…" He took two deep breaths. "Okay." He put a hand on his hip and breathed out again. "Okay, I can let that one slip for now. We have bigger issues to deal with – Like how much of a disaster this date has become."

That's the issue we had to deal with? I slapped my forehead. He was doing it again; he was completely avoiding the situation. I'd go with it this time, but only because I was out of energy to argue.

"Which means we should reschedule and attempt another first date." He nodded as if he'd just come up with a genius idea.

"That would make date two, and I only agreed to one."

"But this doesn't count."

"Of course it counts."

He crossed his arms. "Nuh-uh."

What the hell just happened here? His mood made a complete one-eighty in the space of three minutes. And what the hell happened to scaring him off? Why was he now asking for another date? "You're crazy."

"Only about you." I cringed at his corniness. "Look, Gaara." He sat back on the bench and patted the space beside him so I'd sit, too. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what I just said and for never listening to you. I want you to be able to tell me anything. I'll stop avoiding confrontation and issues, but it's just a habit I've got into. I want you to trust me. I want the old Gaara back."

"He's gone," I mumbled.

"No, he's not. He's still here, but you've hidden him away behind such high walls that not even I can get to him at the moment. But I want to. I want to be there for you. I want to help you, if you'll let me."

Help me?

"Whether it's as your best friend or something more, I'll always be here for you, Gaara." He took my hand, and I let him entwine his fingers with mine. He was just so warm and gentle, and I couldn't help believing that what he said was true. I smiled, looking down at our hands. This still didn't feel right, though. Our hands like this, even though we'd been in more compromising positions before, just didn't feel right. My chest was burning, my whole arm was tingling. This feeling was horrible, almost as if I couldn't control it, something wasn't right.

"Gaara, you keep saying that I don't understand, but neither do you. You don't understand how much I care about you, how I can't stop thinking about you, how much I just want to be able to hold you and hide you away from all the pain." His alluring blue eyes seemed darker in the moonlight, and his blond lashes caught the silvery light, turning them grey. "How much I want to kiss you." His other hand touched my cheek, but I didn't pull away. He had me caught in some sort of trance. I couldn't move. "The real you. The you that gets embarrassed and nervous." His face came closer. "And turns red in moments like this." My heart thudded against my chest, rushing blood to my face, making it burn. He licked his lips and smiled. "Just like that."

What was this pull he had on me? I'd never felt it before. Men had moved closer to kiss me before, but I'd never been like this. "I—I should go." I whispered as his handsome features hovered closer to mine. "I don't feel well." His response was to tilt his head so all we had to do was lean in a little closer and our lips would fit together. This was ridiculous. He was my best friend. So why did I want to close that gap all of a sudden? "Naruto… it's getting late." He leaned closer, so our lips barely brushed as I spoke. "I… should…"

"Shut up," he whispered before closing the last few millimetres of space.

I gulped when our lips touched, but I didn't pull away. I didn't want to, and even felt a little disappointed when he broke the kiss and hovered his mouth close to mine again. "What were you saying?" he whispered.

"Nothing."

He smiled before leaning in again, but this time I met him half way. The kiss was so innocent. It was nothing like I was used to. He didn't use rough lips to eat mine, or a tongue that acted as if it was swabbing my mouth. It was nice. I liked it, and when his lips began to slowly move, I copied the action.

"You're so beautiful," he said as he gazed at me through foggy eyes. His hand moved from my face to touch my chest. "And you can't lie about not feeling anything this time."

"Huh?"

"Your heart, it's going a mile a minute."

"I…"

He chuckled and lifted the hand that was connected to mine, and rested my hand against his chest. "It's exactly the same." Looking at him was getting too awkward, so I turned my head slightly away. "This is the Gaara I want. The real you. But it's your decision now, and I promise I'll go with whatever you say. Do we stop this now and remain best friends, or do we journey through dangerous territory together and move onto date two?"

What Kiba had said earlier that day had really stuck with me. I'd been thinking about his words over and over again. Perhaps it was time to start thinking about leaving the industry, after all. And if I was stopping anyway, I might as well attempt a second date. That was my logic. It had nothing to do with the fact that I really wanted to be able to kiss Naruto again.

I nodded.

"Which one are you nodding to? The first or the second option."

"You figure it out." I breathed out a soft chuckle before leaning forward to meet his lips again.

"I hope that's the second option then, because this would be really messed up if you just chose to remain friends."

"I think—" I was cut short by my mobile's ringtone. What did Sai want? "Sorry, I'll just be a second." I flicked the phone open and pressed it to my ear before walking a few meters ahead. "Hey, what's—"

"Gaara, listen to me." His voice held an unfamiliar pitch. "I don't have much time. Fuck."

"What was that noise?" It sounded like someone was kicking a door.

"That guy in the car the other day. Don't trust him. Get out of whatever it is he has you in."

"What? Sai, what's going on?"

"Just listen to what I'm telling you."

Whoever was kicking his door got in. I stood with the phone pressed against my ear as shouts sounded through the speaker. The phone crackled where it must have hit the floor and moments later it was dead. Shit.

"Gaara, what's wrong?" I jumped when Naruto touched my shoulder.

"I—I have to go."

"But-"

"I'm sorry, I'll explain later."

I couldn't let Naruto follow me. I didn't know what was going on, and if he got hurt I'd never be able to forgive myself. I took off out the park without a second look. Sai's apartment wasn't too far from here, and I was going to find out what was going on.

* * *

**I finally finished the chapter!**

**I've had writer's block for ages, and I should technically be doing coursework, but I had an urge to write. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to get the next chapter up quicker this time, lol.**

**Please Review. This chapter took me months to finish. Seriously, I started it last September.**

**Ja ne**  
**XxX**


	14. Pick us up, you're going to cut yourself

I'd been too late.

Sai was gone when I'd arrived at his apartment. The only thing left was the sign of a struggle. His sofa had been flipped and the desk that held his drugs had been destroyed. The remnants lay in shattered pieces across the stained carpet. The door had been left ajar, so I'd stepped inside and rummaged around for some clues, but there'd been nothing. The small book, which held a picture of him and his brother, poked out from the edge of the turned up sofa, so I'd taken it with me when I left.

I hadn't called the police. I couldn't. His apartment was full of drugs and I didn't know what else he stored there. Calling the men in suits may have landed Sai in more trouble than he was already in, so all I could do was silently promise that I'd find out what had happened to him.

And there was still one thing I had to find out. What had he meant about Baki? As far as I knew, they'd never met. I couldn't just ask the older man what Sai had been talking about on the phone, so I'd have to investigate without too much suspicion.

"Hello." A hand waved. "Earth to Gaara." I turned to Naruto and smiled before readjusting my school bag.

"Sorry," I said. "Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Hm, so you gonna tell me why you ran away the other night, or am I gonna have to guess?" he asked as we turned into the school grounds.

"Family problems." That was one assured way to drop any conversation. It was the equivalent to a female saying 'women troubles'. People just didn't want to go there.

"I was kind of worried that I'd scared you away."

"Little kids may fear that face of yours—" He pouted. "-But I'm old enough not to believe the boogie monster exists in human form."

"Oi." He swiped at my head, but I managed to duck easily. "Cheeky sod." His muscular arm rapped around my neck as he used his knuckles to noogie me.

"Well, it's nice to see that you two are getting along again," Shikamaru said as he and Sasuke caught up with us.

"It's about bloody time," Sasuke added while glancing at his Rolex. "So what was up with you two anyway?" He picked his bag up after it had been searched.

"Nothing much, just some petty argument. I can't even remember how it started really." Naruto placed his rings back onto his fingers.

Putting Mum's cross necklace back on, I followed the others through the corridor toward first period science. Naruto fell back slightly as Shikamaru and Sasuke delved into a conversation about last week's homework. It seemed Sasuke hadn't completely understood and was trying to squeeze answers from his pineapple-haired friend. To no avail, may I add.

Fingers brushed against mine before totally taking my hand. "Want to ditch?"

"You're such a bad influence."

He leant closer until his lips were barely brushing my ear. "You have no idea how much of a bad influence I can be."

I ripped my hand away from his just in time for Sasuke to miss our entwined fingers. "What about you, Gaara. Have you done your homework?"

"Nope."

"Ugh, I knew I should have paid someone to do it… and why are you so red?"

"I—"

"Why don't you ever ask to copy my homework?" Naruto butted in to save me.

"Because even if you did your homework, I'd get a higher mark by handing in nothing."

"Ah, touché."

Sasuke clicked his tongue before going back to begging Shikamaru for 'even the smallest answer'. Which 'Not a chance in hell, do your own homework' was his answer.

Naruto slowed his pace again and held my arm to slow me down with him. "Do you know how much class I've already missed?" I whispered so we didn't attract attention from the other two who were blissfully unaware of Naruto's plan to abandon our education.

"One more day won't hurt, then."

"Couldn't you have come up with this genius plan before we entered the building?"

"Didn't think. Besides, we've been marked in now, so at least we'll keep some attendance."

"You amaze me."

"Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Come on." He laughed, dragging me backward by both my arms. I gave up and dropped my head in defeat while letting myself be pulled gently backward. The odd student gave us strange looks as they entered classrooms, and Naruto tugged my arms one last time before grabbing my waist and pushing me through the boys' toilets door. "We'll just wait in here until the coast is clear."

I leaned against the wall next to the sinks and crossed my arms. "Don't you think the other two are going to wonder where we went?"

"Nah. Well, probably, but they'll figure out we haven't been kidnapped sooner or later. Besides, I wanted to spend some alone time with you."

"We're not going out."

"Yet."

"Don't come up with conclusions by yourself."

He shimmied mock-coyly in front of me and crossed his arms to imitate me. "Sorry, did you want to be a part of the process, then?"

"You're a smug bastard when you want to be, did you know that?" A grin was his answer, and there was nothing I could do about it. I'd been the one who'd agreed to a second date, after all, meaning his smugness probably wasn't going to disappear anytime soon. He was going to milk this. I could already tell that his man-pride had increased tenfold by my slight interest. I tilted my head when he wouldn't stop looking at me and he tilted his head to copy me, so I stood from the wall and uncrossed my arms. The corners of his lips lifted slightly before they touched mine. I pushed him away no sooner than he made contact. "What're you doing? We're in school."

"So?" He stepped closer to gently place his hands onto my waist. I tried to act unfazed by his actions, but inside I couldn't stop my heart racing. What the hell was wrong with me? This was all still too weird. I mean, come on, he'd been my best mate since we were twelve and started secondary school together. He'd definitely grown since then, though. He was much taller with broader shoulders and a stronger jawbone. His hair had darkened ever so slightly and his playful grin had become something that, if used against someone, could be seriously dangerous – almost like a weapon.

"So… show some respect." I still wasn't completely comfortable with his show of affection. Working Gaara may have been, but the Real me wasn't. It still made me feel a bit nervous, and I just wasn't ready. I didn't want it to be emotionless movements with Naruto, I wanted it to be something more if it was going to be anything at all.

He scrunched his face into a look of confusion. "But aren't we about to ditch? What sort of respect is that? But okay, school building, may I please kiss the wonderful Gaara in your presence. I would try to contain myself, but if you can see him you'd understand where I'm coming from."

"That's not what I meant."

He shrugged. "I heard no complaint from the school. I guess it gives us its blessing."

I caught his face in the palm of my hand when he attempted to lean in again, and he mumbled something incoherent into my skin.

"What was that?" I removed my hand.

"I said, sorry." He huffed for a moment before grinning again. "Just slap me. Now I've done it once, I can barely stop myself. You know how I feel about you. It just seems sort of like a dream at the moment, I suppose."

"You are so unbelievably corny. You should have been born a girl."

"But then you wouldn't have dated me." He laughed.

"I'm not gay, how many times do I have to tell people!"

"Could have fooled me." His words reminded me of Sai. He'd said exactly the same thing outside the school gates. For a moment I wondered where he could be, and if I should have called the police. Someone. Anyone. Then I had an idea. He had friends. Well, acquaintances. Perhaps one of them would know something. Maybe he was in trouble with money, or drugs, or anything. I wouldn't put it past Sai to be someone on the wrong side of the wrong people. I'd ask Kiba and I'd go back to that place where I first met Sai and see if anyone knew him properly there. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, sorry. Zoned out again."

"You've been doing that a lot today. You know if there's something the matter you can tell me."

"I know, but I'm fine."

"Is it about your job?" he asked, letting his hands drop from my waist. The words rolled from his tongue reluctantly like poison. I could tell he still wasn't completely over it just by the way he'd said those words.

"No."

"You're stopping, though, right?"

"I said I would, didn't I? I haven't got around to telling Baki yet. I thought I should probably say it to his face than over the phone."

"Why? You don't owe him anything. He's a fucking disgusting, lowlife for pimping out an underage boy."

"Naruto! For god's sake, I thought we were over this. It's over, I promise. He's my dad's workmate, so it's best to keep him sweet about this." And so I could try to find something out about Sai.

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Later today when he drops my dad off from work."

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

"No way. The last thing I need is for you to get angry and start shouting the riot act or smashing up his car. It's not like he's going to kidnap me or kill me." I laughed.

He looked a little alarmed by my last few words. "But I—"

"No, Naruto." I patted his cheek until he narrowed his eyes at my sarcastic gesture. "I know you, and I know how you feel about this, and so I know how you're going to react. It's going to be quick and quiet. What do you think will happen if you start shouting the odds outside my house? People will talk."

"Hmm. I suppose. Come on, everyone should be in class by now."

We left the toilets and slunk through the school like ninja on a mission. We rounded corners after checking they were clear and ducked under doors with windows so teachers didn't catch a glimpse of us. All in all it was a complete success. We made it to the field and I sparked a rollup before jumping the wall to leave the premises. My place was the closest and had more of a chance of being empty. The only person who'd be at home was Kankurou, and I didn't care what he said, anyway. It's not like he went to school much in his last few years.

He was at home, and sitting in the living room smoking a joint. I could smell it the moment we walked into the house, and I apologised to Naruto for having to put up with the odour.

"Oi, you should be at school," he shouted, somehow knowing it was me before I'd even reached the living room.

"Whatever," I called back.

"And if you're here to steal from my coke stash again, I'll have you know it's been well hidden this time."

"I've already told you, I left you money for that shit!" Shit… I turned to Naruto, who gave me a look to say 'I'm asking about that later'. Kankurou was sat on the sofa with his feet up. He was passing the joint to someone, and when I stepped into the room I saw Kiba sat on the floor against the two-seater.

"Alright, red." He nodded.

"Kiba." I nodded back, making a mental note to ask him before he left about Sai. "Naruto's here, so could you try not to totally humiliate me. We'll be in my room. Don't come in."

"Ah, blondie," Kankurou called and Naruto entered behind me.

"Hey." He grinned.

"How'd that double date thing go the other day? I couldn't get a word from this one." He jabbed a thumb in my direction.

I could practically feel Naruto laughing inside. "It went really well, thanks." His arm came around my shoulders. "We're all ready for date two."

"Another double date?" Kankurou shook his head. "I'm disappointed in you, Gaara. How're you gonna get any if you won't leave blondie's side?"

I could have killed both of them with my bare hands. Unfortunately, Kiba was there to witness it.

"That's what I've told him, but he just won't listen. Will you?"

I gave him my best attempt at a glare. It was my ultimate promise of a very slow and painful death.

"Well, did _you_ at least get any?" he asked Naruto.

He laughed. "I'm not the type of person to share that information." His grip around my shoulder tightened slightly in a way that his head became innocently right next to mine. "But let's just say that my date had the most softest, sweetest lips I've ever felt. And I'll be ambushing them again the second I get the—uff-"

"Ops, sorry." I said, clicking my shoulder. I'd suddenly had a 'spasm attack'; meaning I'd 'accidentally' just elbowed Naruto in the gut. "Come on, Casanova." I said, patting his back as he remained doubled over clutching his stomach while I made my way out the room to enter my bedroom.

He followed me moments later, still rubbing his abs and flopped onto my bed. "Ouch," he said, enthasising each letter.

"You deserved it."

"Hmm." He leaned on an elbow. "Cocaine?"

"I was having a bad day." I looked around the walls where my wallpaper had once been. Random strands still clung to the walls. "I haven't and won't do it again."

"Good. And weed?"

"I'm not doing that anymore, either."

"Do you have any left?"

I shrugged. "Probably, I haven't looked to be honest." I opened my sock drawer and rummaged through. If I had any anywhere it'd be there. It's where I'd always kept it. My fingers grazed a plastic bag and I pulled it out. I still had a little, so I left the room again to throw it into my brother's room. "Happier?" I asked, shutting my door.

"Much." He held out his hand, waiting for me to take it, and I gave into his wishes. I let him pull me onto his lap. "So, now what?"

"I dunno, you're the one who wanted to ditch school. I was happy widening my horizon with knowledge."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Huh?" That caught me a bit off guard, I hadn't expected him to ask me a question like that.

"I said—"

"I heard what you said. It's just a bit…" A part of me really wanted to, but another part didn't. It was hard to explain, which was why I didn't attempt to explain things to Naruto, because voicing what was in my mind would've probably just confuse me even more. I supposed, in a way, I didn't know how I would react if he ever wanted to take things further. Would I totally freak-out? Or more importantly, would I not be able to differentiate between emotions or work anymore. I didn't want things to be emotionless on my half, because that wouldn't be fair on Naruto. "We haven't even had a second date yet."

"We can count this as our second date."

"Making-out on my bed while my brother smokes weed in the front room wasn't exactly how I pictured our second date. Besides, there seems to be a no-knocking policy when it comes to Kankurou."

"How funny would it be if your brother walked in on us. I'd pay good money to see the look on his face."

"He'd probably think he was tripping out or something." I laughed. "I can see it now. 'I gotta stop smoking this shit'." I sighed. "Listen, I'm not sure if I'm ready to be so… intimate with you. I know the other night we… but if you want the real me, then you'll have to be a bit more patient. I don't want to rush into things. It's still a bit weird for me."

"That's fine. We'll take things as slowly as you need. I'm just happy to be like this. To be honest, I didn't even think that you'd give me a chance."

That made me feel a bit better. "Thanks," I said, leaning down to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"Narrrwww."

"What?"

"I think that's the cutest thing you've ever done in your life."

"… Get the fuck out my house."

* * *

Naruto left after a couple of hours. It was late enough to convince his mum he'd just got home from school. I'd sort of pushed for him to leave, I wanted the chance to speak to Kiba before it became too late and he left to prepare for any drop offs he had planned for the evening. Perhaps he'd be going back to that club tonight.

I entered the living room to be met by the sight of my brother comatosed on the sofa. His brown locks covered his eyes and an unlit joint rested in his hand as it flopped over the side of the sofa.

Kiba grinned at me. "Alright, red?"

I nudged my head toward the door, beckoning him to follow me so that I could speak to him in the hallway. My brother may have been asleep, but I didn't want him waking up during our conversation. It didn't take him long to turn up in the small space beside me.

"Sai." I didn't break eye contact as the boy's name rolled off my tongue. I wanted answers, and Kiba was the type of person to know at least something about everything.

"Stunted?" He turned his head quizzically. "What about him?"

I stepped forward so that I could drop my voice a few notches. "Listen, Kiba, if you know anything about what's going on, you have to tell me."

"Gaara," he said. My real name sounded strange coming from his lips. "I actually have no idea what you're talking about. So you're going to have to clue me in here."

Shit. He really didn't know anything. "He's gone missing."

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. He'll turn up." He laughed. "He goes off all the time. Sometimes I don't see him for months, and then all of a sudden he's there again – wanting to buy something or asking me to hook him up with some jobs. Don't worry. It happens."

I shook my head. "No, you don't understand. I had a phone call from him. He was panicked, told me not to trust someone I know and then someone broke into his apartment. I heard the whole thing." I ran fingers through my tresses and breathed. "I went to his place, but it had been trashed. He was gone. Do you know if he was in any sort of trouble with someone?"

Kiba stepped backward to poke his head around the doorframe, probably making sure my brother was still asleep, before ushering me into my room and shutting the door behind us. "What're you talking about?"

"He's gone."

"Yes. Yes. I got that bit, but what about the phone call? What did he say precisely?"

I couldn't remember exactly. It all happened so quickly. "He said not to trust someone and—"

"Who?"

I couldn't tell him that. He was my pimp. The less Kiba knew the better, or at least that was my reasoning.

"Gaara, this could be important."

My face scrunched slightly, but I decided to tell him everything. Because honestly, who would Kiba tell? If he hadn't already told my brother about what I was doing, why'd he tell anyone about this?

"Baki?" he repeated after I finished explaining everything that had happened. How strange Sai had acted when he first saw Baki, what he'd said on the phone, who baki was to me.

"Yes."

He rubbed at his triangle tattoos. "Red, you've gotten yourself into some deep shit here. I'm not one-hundred percent sure, because I never knew official names, but I think this Baki person might be Sai's ex-pimp. The person who stabbed him. Left him for dead."

Footsteps moved across the hallway. "Kiba?" Kankurou must have woken up.

Kiba grabbed my shoulder to pull me in closer so that he could whisper. "Listen to me, Gaara, quickly. Are you still working for him?"

"Well, sort of. I was going to tell him that I quit."

My door handle twisted. Kankurou really needed to learn to knock.

"Meet me at the club tonight." Kiba quickly let go of my arm, just as Kankurou entered.

My older brother looked at us through red eyes. "What's going on here?" he asked.

Kiba patted Kankurou's back and laughed. "You'd zonked out, mate. I was just telling ya brother that he should get off this stuff. You know, and stop nicking his brother's stash."

Kankurou nodded. He probably still had no idea what was going on. He was groggy enough after sleep without coming down from the amount of weed he'd smoked today. "I'm gonna put the kettle on," he said, turning to head toward the kitchen. "You want one, mate?"

Kiba laughed again. "Nah, man. I've got to get off. I'm dropping tonight." He quickly stepped closer to me once Kankurou was out of sight. "Tonight at ten. Meet me in the toilets."

And with that he was gone. No more answers, no more clues. He'd left me dumbfounded, and I'd have to wait until tonight to get to the bottom of things.

* * *

**I'm soooo sorry about such a late update. It has been nearly three years since I worked on this properly. But I do have some good news. I have now graduated from university. So I began this story three years ago just before I started university, and I'm going to finish it now I have graduated.**

**I also have to apologise if the voice/ writing style of the story has changed slightly. It has been three years, so I have to get back into the swing of things.**

**Thank you for understanding.**

**Ugawa**

**XX**


End file.
